I'd like to write a poem

10 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1802
Reviews 261
Perhaps I’ll lift my pen today
To write of plants and trees,
Praise the Lord for his good works
Applaud the birds and bees.

Or maybe I’ll philosophize,
Be smarter with my ink;
Write of Logic, Ifs and Whys,
And make the whole world think.

Or I could write a humor piece,
Bring laughter to your face;
Think of silly things to say,
And brighten up this place.

Or I could write of love today,
Of trembling, beating hearts;
Of Romance, and of Tragedy,
Or scandalous flirting arts.

But I confess, I lift my pen
To write of none above;
I only wished to write a poem
About writing, my first love.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you.:)




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1088
Reviews 22
Ola. Nafe here and I'm going to review your poem. Well duhh, lol.

Well I'm not a nit-picky person and this poem doesn't require me to be either. I liked it very much and thta's about it really. I flowed really well for me, your punctuation and grammar were all intact. Keep up the goog work =)
A writer is someone who finds writing more diffucult than everyone else.-Not quite sure who said this but it's kinda true don't you think.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 72525
Reviews 1220
You had a great flow and rhythm going on, right up until the last two lines, but then you lost it. You have 9 and 7 syllables in the last two lines compared to the 8 and 6 syllables in the first two lines; basically, you've got an extra syllable in both of the last two lines, and it's really noticeable. You might have been able to get away with it if the last two lines were of equal lengths, but right now, the difference in syllables really trips up the ending and makes it a very weak finish for an otherwise rhythmically strong poem.

Another thing I noticed was the punctuation. You have semicolons placed where commas would make more sense, and sometimes commas missing or placed where semicolons or other punctuation would be better. For example:

Or I could write a humor piece,
Bring laughter to your face;
Think of silly things to say,
And brighten up this place.

The semicolon would be more appropriate as a comma, I think, while the first comma could be changed to either a colon (:) or m-dash (—) since everything after that line is essentially a list of the things that could be done by writing the humor piece.

Punctuation is a pretty big thing in poetry, and it never hurts to make sure that it is correct before you go off and modify it for artistic purposes. :)

Overall, this was a pretty cute poem, and I enjoyed reading it.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6338
Reviews 140
I live this poem. It has a cute idea behind it and the flow remains constant most of the time.
Really cool!

Keep writing!
-----------------
-Jojo
Solvalery/GeeLyria Fans
Link




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 184
Reviews 10
Hey, senzafine here. Your title have caught my attention. :)
Well I'm not good at reviewing other's work but I kinda like it. Very flawless!
Keep it up.

-senzafine




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 28282
Reviews 884
Okay, so we've all written poems about poetry on our unoriginal days (honestly I've probably written about a dozen of these darn things) but I still liked this. It had good flow and it was pleasant to read, it just wasn't anything insanely different, you know? But it was a cute poem, so I really won't complain.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 923
Reviews 51
Okay so the topic was a little bit cliche, but so is everything else nowadays so I wouldn't care too much. Nice structure, I like your style. Fluid expressive writing. Well done! :) xx
Im the best :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1838
Reviews 31
Knight,

This poem was amazing! I loved your rhyming and the flow to this piece. I could not find anything wrong with this poem, that the others have yet to point out :) Keep up the fabulous work!

Keep Writing!

~KJR~
"Me I'm dishonest but a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly its the honest ones you have to watch out for because you can never tell when they are going to do something incredibly...stupid." ~Capt. Jack Sparrow




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2830
Reviews 114
I truly believe this is a Brilliant piece of poetry! Your word choice didn't feel forced at all even with the rhyme scheme. It read very smoothly and was very engaging! Once again, Brilliant! Keep it up!
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.

I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 12
I can dig it. loi. This is the kind of poetry i enjoy reading. The rhythm and flow and rhyme-scheme were incredible and beautiful.. until the last couple of lines. Then it felt like watching a puppy get run over, ya know? maybe that was a little harsh.. i guess it's be more like watching a puppy out of a chair. You know what, bad analogy all together. d: Point is, i think its awesome but the ending could use some minor reconstruction. Overall, nice work. :) :D (:



One fish, two fish, red fish, aardvark.
— alliyah