That Unknown Feeling (Title Pending)

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Prologue:
Before I begin to tell you my story, you should know a little about my life. First of all, my name is Mukuka. Most people can't even pronounce it, so it's okay if you can't. Second, I'm a Hellwolf. Which is basically a flaming werewolf with more powers and crap. (You'll find that out in the story.) Third, you should stop reading this and get to the real story! Like now!

Just forget it. You need to forget everything. The wind ruffled my hair as I stared out into the open. A field laid out in front of me, blossoming with sweet jasmine and lilacs that tempted me. As strong as it was, I resisted. Don't go back. You can never go back. A tear slid down my throat and I finally cracked. I broke down and cried. I sobbed until my whole body ached. I looked up to the sky and felt rage course through me.
"You said they would always be there!" I yelled to the clouds, "You said you would never leave me!" I stood up, holding a rock in my hand and I chucked it up into the air as hard as I could. I grabbed more rocks and threw them as well. Pain and hurt ravaged me and I sunk to my knees. I held my head in my hands and the wind slowed. I sat there still and quiet. I didn't know how much time passed, but then I gazed up at the sky once more. It was now black, sparkling with the moon and stars. A more sharp wind cut the air and I shivered. I wanted to change so much, but my stubbornness stopped me.

"Come on, you haven't changed in weeks! Just do it this once." My body begged.

Shut up, body.

"If you don't change, you could die out here."

I really don't give a shit.

"Fine. Be that way. If we end up freezing to death, I blame you." The wind kicked up and I growled. So desperately cold, I eventually gave in. Holding out my palm in front of me, I felt my nerves tingle and spark to life. A small flame burned and I willed it to grow. The fire responded and surrounded my whole hand. I wrapped my hands around my chest and the flames spread to my shoulders. I warmed up instantly and sighed contently. Soon enough, the flames covered my entire body. I know most people would flip out if they were on fire, but I didn't mind. The flames were just customary with being a Hellwolf. I slowly stood up and began walking out of the vast field and into a nearby forest. A small little house appeared and I strolled over to it. The house was barely the size of a shed, but it was big enough when most of the wilderness was my home. As I walked through the trees, some small animals looked down at me with giant eyes. I reached a small clearing and the light from the moon was bathed all around me. My house was a few feet away and something clicked in my mind. I instantly changed and bounded to the rooftop. I stared at the moon with sadness and closed my eyes. Pulling my head back, I howled loudly. The sound echoed through the forest and made a wondrous sound. I howled again, even louder this time. When I stopped, I looked up to the sky expectantly. But nothing happened. No thunderclap, no lightening strike, nothing.

“Just like always.” I sighed. I jumped off my roof and trotted over to the clearing. I laid down and sighed. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
Last edited by titanarc80195 on Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Remember who you are. You are my son, the one true king. Remember!X)




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This is actually really good. I didnt think it was gonna be about a werewolf, I like how you changed it up and mad it a differant kind of werewolf into a hell wolf. Im wondering if its going to contine cause i'd really love to read some more this. All in all its a good read and I became instantly hooked, nice job!! :)
"i will not bow"




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Hi,

I really liked this. I don't normally review or even read stories that are based on things such as werewolves, and fairy tales..but I really did like this one!

So, the overall grammer was very good and it had quite a nice flow to it. However, one thing I will say is that just be careful that you aren't over describing a situation. Sometimes, over use of words can be quite obvious. Make sure that you just read it over when you finish and make sure that you haven't over used any words. More often words that could be described a little better such as "holding out my palm." It's sort of hard to imagine someone jyst holding out their palm, as opposed to their entire hand.

What I really did like though was the fact that you become the character, rather than just writing about it. I felt the imagery and that's very important in a story like this.

There was just one other teeny nit pick I noticed, you write "a small little house.." however, you only need to put the word "small" or "little" as it is pretty much the same thing. It's like writing "I saw a big large sofa to sit on.." See what I mean?

It must be very good though, if I'm picking on things as small as that though!

I look forward to reading anymore of the story if you do decide to continue it...sorry for the semi-lame review!

HAYLEY xx



x




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Whoa! Very gripping! Once you actually get to the beginning, you don't want to stop reading! Wonderful!
I
LOVE
IT.
It's very original, and I've never heard of a hellwolf, only a hellhound. I like how you took the time to describe the transformation. The emotions, the transformation, the descriptions are very good. Very mysterious.
"Come on, you haven't changed in weeks! Just do it this once." My body begged.

Shut up body.

"If you don't change, you could die out here."

I really don't give a shit.


That's really the only thing I personally found wrong with it- a forgotten comma. Usually commas are overused, but you did a great job! Just add in the comma here and you'll be set to go! Great job!




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hi,

Personally, I think this didn't meet the potential that it has. I think you could've done more, but good job! It was seriously gripping and I can't wait to read more.

Farewell,
A.
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.



My existence is political. And love is my statement.
— Kevin Abstract