Dr. George's Final Words(Contest Entry!)

Dr. George Wallace, a military experimental scientist, huddles in the trenches soaking wet and exhausted. Shivering, George searches for the perfect writing utensil. A stick in the mud. He begins to write in the soil at his feet. It reads...
I've been lost from my division,
So I must keep myself hidden.
If the enemies find me I will surely be going to His kingdom.
Someone save me before I lose sight and am overridden.
Slowly, George begins to succumb to the freezing rain and harsh winds. Shouts and gunshots sound in behind the scientist.
Stiffening from the frigid environment, George's grimy fingers grasp the stick. With a final rush of energy, George slumps deeper into the foxhole. His body nearly submerged in filth. He then begins to write once more...
My experiments have hurt my loved attachments,
I deserve this fate for my grievances.
I apologize for these accidents
Concerning my scientific advancements,
And now I come to face death with acceptance.
Dr. George Wallace loosened his numb grip upon the dirty sliver of wood and lay alone amongst the clamoring of the fray. The battle he started and will never win.

Prompt: A scientist behind enemy lines writes poetry.

Hai There

I have to say I really liked this. I had a poem within a story which made it really interesting. I found the layout very unique and fascinating which drew me to read on.

I like your style, this is something I haven't ever seen. Well done! Keep writing!

Hey there =] This was a really good piece, definitely short, but very good. I think you captured a lot in this piece and the setting and word choice was phenomenal. Im really curious as to what his experiments were though. You might have to write more =]] Very good indeed.

I find that this type of a story/poem adds a fluidity of brief plot and a mysterious tragedy that forces the reader to truly wonder and ask, "Who is Dr. George and what has he done?" In some ways, I want to tell you to expand on this and perhaps build a large short story, but, in thinking about it, doing that might only lose the the strange, brief and emotional tale you are trying to create. This story made me think, and sometimes it's good to tell the reader what to think, in this case I would not do that. More than wanting to know about Mr. George, I want to ponder over him. What I mean to say, is that this story is something of perfect flash fiction. I loved the poetry, the title (which made me read it), the hint of a tragic back story, the word choice, and the emotion. I enjoyed this piece very much, and hope to read more of your work soon.

-JC