Dinnertime According to Puppies

5 posts
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Gender Female
Points 367
Reviews 165
I lie in Summery sunshine,
Same shade as my downy coat.
Asleep am I, and quite content
To snooze away in dreams afloat.
In the next room, a heavy paper bag
Rustles a little, and rattles quietly.
I'm awake in an instant, my ears perked,
My state of mind from fuzzy to bubbly.
I heave myself out of my bed
And fairly bolt toward the door.
The hardwood tiles slide beneath me,
I nearly end up on the floor.
Around the corner I scamper and yip,
Anticipating food. I dash to the dining room,
Around another corner. I fall to my side.
Across the floor, toward the bowl...boom.
I've hit the dish, and the food's all over!
Across the floor, under the table,
Beneath the fridge, into the vent.
Guess my food bowl wasn't stable.
No matter, I can eat it still,
I just have to move around.
I get to my feet and scramble all over
Eating the food right off the ground.
Crunch, crunch, and my owner laughs.
Again and again he calls me his winner,
And says everyone should show
Such an enthusiasm for dinner.
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.




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Gender Female
Points 248
Reviews 65
I love this. I could really picture the puppy running and sliding. ( Maybe because I've seen the commerical? ) No I think I could picture it because you have such good description. Well anyways I love this.
Know that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she'll think of me as a plain old Jain told a story 'bout a man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. ~Train




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Gender Female
Points 425
Reviews 158
Very nice! I've never seen the commercial, but I could picture it because I've seen the clumsy eagerness of puppies before. Feeding time is serious business.
I'm not an expert on poetry, but I thought this flowed well. I especially like your choices in wording.

And fairly bolt toward the door.
The hardwood tiles slide beneath me,
I nearly end up on the floor.


Definitely my favorite part.
I aim to misbehave.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? --Steven Wright




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Gender None specified
Points 1046
Reviews 23
That was awesome! I was smiling and laughing through it all. I love how u give it from the dog's view and how u mintion the owner. Also I really like how descriptive you were, it really gave you the image you needed to see the puppy running and falling into the bowl. Plan and simple, this was great!
in a world full of copycats be an original




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1045
Reviews 56
Hiya,
I love this poem, its so cute!

I read it over a few times and your grammer is very good. It has a really cute bouncy flow and you did a good job of not making it sound too cheesy!

There isn't much else I can really say on this, but I really liked it. Keep writing, I want to see more of this style!

HAYLEY
xx



My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew