The Elementals (Prologue)

In the beginning the four elements clashed and battled with one another for control of the planet earth. It was an awful time, a time when the planet was uninhabitable. During an unusual time of peace giant lizards roamed the earth. Unfortunately it didn't last, their quarreling caused the earth to become uninhabitable yet again. The war went on for billions of years, but to them it was a short battle. After many wins and losses they finally decided to meet. While they met, the earth was peaceful and evolution took it's course.
They each traveled the great distance to Shangri-la, the place where all elements would always be in perfect harmony. The perfect place to meet, the place they couldn't use their powers to fight, only their words. It wasn't their first time meeting, but the first time since the war began. Earth got there first and Fire got there last. They were all nervous but would never show it.
"Well, since we are all here now," Earth began, "Take your places."
They sat on the pedestals that represented their own element. They sat in a circle around a large stone carved with symbols, matching the ones on their pedestals, the mark of their power. Earth took Water's hand and she took Air's. Air hesitantly took Fire's very warm hand, Fire completed the circle by taking Earth's free hand. They stared at the symbols and fell into a sort of trance, there weakest time. This is the way they communicated most of the time.
Earth started: We can't go on like this. We are destroying the planet that we are fighting for.
You think that we don't know that?! Fire growled.
Cool it Fire. Air remarked. We are only here to discuss the problems.
The problem is that we all want the planet under our individual control. Water said calmly.
That's not a problem we can solve with a hug Air. Fire snapped.
No one said it was. Earth taking control again. Now, this fighting between ourselves is out of control.
War isn't the answer here. Water said.
She's right. We have to stop fighting. Air said.
We won't as long as no one is controlling the planet. Fire said truthfully.
They are both right. Air said.
Well then I suppose that it should be Air that rules the planet. He said sarcastically.
All living creatures do need the oxygen in the air to survive. She said slyly.
If there wasn't heat the entire planet would freeze over, again. He made a point of adding.
Without water nothing would grow. Water remarked in her own way.
That's enough now. Earth said trying to keep the peace. It seems that we have a recurring theme here. The other Elements expressed their confusion so Earth explained. The Planet needs all of of working together. If we don't then the planet will never sustain life.
So we all work together? Fire asked confused. That will never work.
It will if we try. Water retorted.
Does everyone agree? Earth asked. There was a mutual agreement, even Fire agreed. Alright, we will split the planet then.
They divided the planet as evenly as they could, but they couldn't get an even twenty-five percent each. Fire wasn't happy about the deal he got.
That's unfair, there would never be as much fire as there would be other elements. Fire growled.
It's true. Water agreed.
Yes, well... You can control all of the lightning and electricity. Earth said, trying to make amends.
Alright, I guess that's as good as it gets. Fire said grudgingly.
I believe since Earth came up with this, then we should name the planet Earth. Air put in.
They all agreed, so they made the split and the name official. They stared at the runes carved into the large stone, their bodies started to glow different colors and the light shot up in pillars to the sky. It spread across the earth and would become the Aurora Borealis. When they finished they set off to find homes in places of their power, so they could watch over their domains.
To their great surprise, they found very primitive humans roaming the earth. They watched for awhile, but then they started taking human shapes and forms. Soon after they started having children with them. These children were called, The Elementals.

Interesting... Elementals, some kind of a cliche eh? But I was also writing about one so that's okay

Nitpicks:

In the beginning, the four elements clashed and battled with one another for thecontrol of planet earth.

You can still revise this sentence, because I think there were still some more errors.

While they met, the earth was peaceful and evolution took it's course.

The comma will help you have a good sentence flow

Content, they left to find homes in their places of power and to watch over their domains.

These children were called Elementals,

Please end in period

This prologue was too short, even for a prologue. I would suggest that you add some conversation rather than flooding our minds with information. And try "to show" rather than "to tell". You were just telling and telling and sometimes it was becoming too boring. Work on your imagery.

But other than that, an interesting story to start

I have read your revised prologue: I like it! That is the kind of thing that makes me want to read on. Simply the air of the dialogue adds so much! Go on like that, and I am sure you'll have a good story, my friend. I also like this better than the last one because you introduce all the elements, instead of just a few for examples. I also like how you added the stuff about the meeting place and it being their 'weakest time', thus allowing the meeting. Keep adding different, unique things like that and you'll have a great story.

Very cool. Most of my stories involve the elements, but they have never actually talked before. I admire you for doing something different and original. Are you working on the next part? Please let me know!

Meh.. not my kind of thing. I'm sure a lot of other people like it though!

This is kind of like a story I'm writing. Mine is kind of failing, so I'm probably going to abandon it to work on another story. But your story is pretty good. I can't wait to hear more!

I really like the overall premise of this. That being said your writing leaves me wanting more. The first thing I notice is that you move over everything very quickly without giving much detail into what actually is going on. To me the first few paragraphs feel like someone trying to summarize an entire movie in thirty-seconds. Why did you stop using quotations after the first bit of dialogue? It seems odd having only want piece of dialogue in quotations. I do love the dialogue its self though. Each character/element seems to have their own individual personality, which is great. I look forward to seeing where you take this, because as I said earlier, I really like the premise. Keep up the good work!

I like where you've gone with this.I like the way you've matched the elements with their characteristic emotions, perhaps (and you don't have to listen to me) the use of a wider array of adjectives and action would help enhance this notion(?) Otherwise, this story holds alot of potential. Keep writing!

Hey, Apple here.

I think that you've done a really good job with the prologue here. What I see these days is people writing prologues and not taking in the fact that a prologue is not entirely needed. So, they place vital information into it, and when a reader skips the prologue (because loads of people do, I never read it), they miss out on important peices and then the whole story line is lost to them. You on the other hand have wrote a prologue that gives a detailed version of how the world and civilisation began, but also, you haven't placed in important information that if someone wanted to skip over the prologue, they can and not be hindered through the rest of the story. Good job!

Now that I have stopped rambling on about how much I like this, I'll get onto the critique. Your idea sounds very cliche. No offence. There are many stories that derive from the idea of elementals and prophecies. I hope that as you continue on, you're planning to change all of this, make it anything but cliche. You have talent as a writer, I don't want you riding the same wave everyone else does; I want you to swim out further and catch your own! So, for example, instead of setting it into the Middle Ages, like most of these stories are, place it in present day or the future? All I am asking is that you give the reader something to go "aww" for because I've read so many of these stories and they're all based on the same line. My suggestion for thinking out the box: turn up some sort of music device, put in your ear plugs and go for walk. Somewhere where you won't be ran over by a car, though. I've almost been hit seven times now, and I didn't have the fainstest idea. When you have that state found, then lose yourself. Become one with your story and consider everything and anything, something that will make people pick up your book because they've never heard of it before.


Now another problem I found is that you tell and not show. Show not tell (or tell not show in your case) means that instead of saying they did this and then they did that, you explain their actions with the thoughts from the character so to the reader it seems that they're watching the novel on the big screen. Unfortunately this did not happen in this chapter. Instead, my imagination train was frequently being pulled to a stop because of this problem. This a very common so don't worry. To defeat this mess, all you really have to do is go over your work with a red pen. Where you think thought bubbles could come in, or something that isn't a direct explanation of someone doing something, then add it in. Your readers will thank you for it later. I know, what I've written is muddled and confusing, but if you want more explanation then in the Writer Tutorial thread, there is a peice directed straight to this. What I like to do is use the red pen paradime. It works really well and it also helps me in other aspects.

Now, I don't do grammar/spelling reviews but that doesn't mean that you're off the hook. The first reviewer did mention some of the grammatical errors but you've got a lot more hiding in all this text. The reason why I don't nitpick grammar mistakes anymore is because I find that it doesn't help the writer. I just show you the mistake, and necessarily, you don't learn from it. When people did the same for me, picking up on my grammar, I just fixed the problem, I never bothered myself to learn what I did wrong. Don't worry, I am not leaving you in the cold. I suggest that you check out some of the threads that help tutor writers in grammar specifically. It will really help you; it helped me.

Other then those problems, I really like the way you've gone about this. I thought the four elements were all different personality-wise and it allowed me as a reader to understand them more. I feel more closer to Air though, I like Air. Fire was its usual crabby self, but what can you do. Good luck with future chapters; I hope you take in what I say because it truly will help. I am coming back for the next chapters, so don't think you can stop me.