Anxiety

please read the spoiler

Spoiler

I don't think this makes a lot of sense, but I didn't really know how to do this type of poem so I just dove in. I wrote about what I knew, but it was kind of hard for me to get the point across. Please review this, even if it's just "I liked/ didn't like this" or "You need to improve it." Help me get better!

there is a fine line between
Anxiety and
Awareness
and to untrained eyes
they seem very much the same.
“i will keep you safe.
trust your instincts, and
i will be there to guide you”
but Anxiety attacks like
a ninja- claiming
to help you
to protect you
yet ruining your life
stealing your sanity in the
night.
then Awareness comes along
and makes you believe
you were right all along.
when you are unsafe
it promises to sweep you away from
the danger
and you are safe
once again...
but what next, after
respite comes?
Anxiety soon strikes silently,
reminder that danger lurks
everywhere and
never lose Awareness
for
when you least expect it,
Anxiety turns into Reality
and you find
Awareness isn’t so
different from
that nighttime samurai
after all.

It. Was. A Jumble. Of. Words. There. Was. No. Punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fix that, and make some actual lines and this won't be so bad. AND CAPITALIZE YOUR I's!!!! No i like cows or something like that; it's supposed to be I like cows. The content was good, just fix the other junk, and you'll be set. Keep Writing!

Well... personally I quite liked the complete lack of structure. It was like you had just written a train of thoughts down and the fact that there was no structure made it seem completely disorientated which fitted with the content. Generally the content was good apart from when you used the image of a ninja in referance to anxiety. This just didn't quite work for me, other people may think differently, it's just my personal opinion. I agree with Ignatius5453, you do need some punctuation. I have tried not using punctuation and I found that it needs to be there, even if it is only a couple of commas you need some in there. Good concept, but needs polishing.

Hey

I agree with the other two - you definately need punctuation or if no punctuation then your lines need to feel like they have a natural end. Which your don't because you are using enjambment This isn't a bad thing and I like the enjambment especially with the subject matter but you do need punctuation otherwise it does become a jumbled load of words that are hard to follow

Other than that thought I enjoyed it, I liked how it was almost thoughts tumbling out

Keep Writing,
Lydia

I feel contrary to the other reviews, haha. Ultimately, I loved it. Surprisingly so, too since I'm usually pretty picky with the type of poetry I enjoy. Perhaps I'm biased, but I actually deal with an anxiety disorder on occasion [not the worst, but it can get EXTREMELY overwhelming], and I completely understood it. That said, I think you wrote it very well and made your point. I'm trying to read from the point of view from someone who doesn't understand anxiety like I do, and I still think that it's written well enough that it can be understood.

And I think the lack of punctuation was fine, even better, actually. And I picked up on the only words you actually did capitalize which I think was not only interesting but a nice touch. It gives those feelings more authority, and it personifies them as more serious and bigger than one might seem to think. And because of that, I don't mind that you didn't capitalize such things as "i" or the beginning of sentences. If you did, it would actually become an inconsistency in the poem. And you did place appropriate question marks, periods, and commas, and I didn't find a lack of them. Maybe that's just me. XD

I think maybe the ONLY point I can criticize is the "ninja" thing. It does help convey the meaning, but I feel like it's a little too common. It's not a bad simile, but I bet that you could think deeper on it and come up with something stronger. This, of course, is entirely up to you.

I'm glad people mentioned the ninja thing, because I was unsure of it too. I wasn't sure what other word to put to convey the meaning, but I'll keep thinking.

um i didnt get the ninja thing