Fight for freedom

She makes her move

To escape
To get out of this place

She needs the blissful night air

To feel the moonlight
To see the darkness

She needs to replace the ugly noise

The vulgar words
The stench of sweat

She is choking on that lingering smell

The invasive odour
The rank stink of alcohol

She can feel the stale mixture

The filthy air
The sticky heat clinging to her skin

She can't breathe
She can't move her limbs fast enough
She feels it
She crashes through the fire door
Gasps

Gulps

Sheer relief and she can feel
As the night rushes into her lungs

She feels purified
Released
And she begins to wander home

Hmmm. Very nice, very descriptive, but it just needs a little more...substance. Why is she running? What is she running from? What happened before this? This is a flash, a moment, but not a whole story. It's the last chapter of a novel, so it doesn't make sense unless you've read the beginning. You're a good writer, I know you can make this even better! Fantastic!

The rank stink of alcohol

This line breaks up the flow a bit.

The sticky heat clinging to her skin

Try and find a shorter way to say this? Like, 'The humidity clinging to her'.

She can't breathe
She can't move her limbs fast enough
She feels it
She crashes through the fire door
Gasps

Gulps

Sheer relief and she can feel
As the night rushes into her lungs

She feels purified
Released
And she begins to wander home

This last part is so different from the rest of the break pattern of the poem... Try to change it so it will be the same as the rest.

Great job! This has very good imagery but I don't really know where this girl is and why she needs the night air so much. See if you can fit in those explanations in there.
Otherwise you also have very good flow except for the last four stanzas (which I mentioned above).
You need to add in some punctuation too. If you'd like, PM me and I'll see if I can do it correctly for you, 'kay?

Good job

Keep writing,
Alzora

I think I agree with what Sassykat said earlier. I like it, the descriptions are good. But I don't connect with it like a poem usually does with the reader. Among this, I also think that the line grouping is odd, the one-two-one-two-four 'pattern.' But I did quite like the feel of it :]