CHAPTER ONE
The corners of my mother’s lips twitched into a smile as set the green mortarboard atop my head and brought the blue tassel around to the front. Her eyes were twinkling with that sense of pride that I remembered seeing so many times in the past, but this time wrinkles framed her round face, tears welled up causing her glossy turquoise eyes to look like marbles.
She stepped back on the sidewalk to take in the full affect. There I was, green cap and gown, accentuated by the blue of the tassel and my red dress as it poked out underneath the gown. A few tears escaped her aged eyes, slowly trailing down the sides of her cheeks to rest at her neck.
“Mom, stop. You’re going to make me cry.” I quickly wiped away the salty tears that threatened to smear my mascara.
My mother hugged me tight to her and in her raspy voice, she whispered, “you’re going to be great.”
I beamed and held her small, frail frame tighter. My curly locks shrouding us both as we hugged. “I wish I could be there for you, darling.” She whispered into my ear.
“Don’t worry about it, mom.” I whispered back. “You always have my college graduation to go to. This is only high school. It’s just the beginning.”
She held me at arms length, her watery eyes looked as though she were about to burst into tears. “Knock ‘em dead, Lilly.”
I looked into her eyes and after a pause, I whispered, “I will.”
I felt my dad pat me on the shoulder. “Ready, honey?”
I grinned and hugged him too, my face buried in his round stomach. He mumbled “you look gorgeous,” as he kissed the top of my head.
“Alright. Enough sappiness. Let’s do this.” I wiggled my eyebrows at my brother who was sitting on the steps of the front porch. Hiking up my gown, I ran from the front lawn to the car. “Shotgun!” My cap threatened to fall off as I ran, I held it tightly to my head and whipped open the door of the black SUV in the driveway. My brother was already in hot pursuit. Slamming the door behind me, careful not to shut it on my gown, I pointed and laughed at him teasingly as he panted and shot me a fake dirty look.
“I come back from college to sit through this dumb four hour ceremony and I don’t even get the front seat?” He grumbled as he sidled into the backseat. He blew his floppy brown hair away from his eyes as he held onto my back head rest to pull himself closer to me, “your speech better be good. I think I might fall asleep.” As my dad opened his door, I turned around to give Cameron the stink eye. His green eyes locked onto my own and I stuck my tongue out at him before turning back to face my seemingly oblivious father.
My dad, who was far from vertically challenged, bent his head down to avoid hitting it on the roof of the car as he sat down in the driver’s seat. Then, as he buckled up he said in a low stern voice that he only put on when he was joking around, “There’ll be no sleeping at this thing. No matter how boring it is.” He gave a chuckle as he nudged me in the shoulder with an elbow. Once he turned on the car, Aerosmith blasted through the speakers. Reflexively, I dialed the knob back down to a decent volume.
“Were you rocking out in here, dad?”
My dad smiled, his forehead wrinkling. “C’mon, it’s a Friday, my baby girl is graduating and I needed something to relax me after work.”
“Relax?” I smiled. Music that loud always set me on edge.
My dad coughed to hide a grin and proceeded to put the car in reverse. He backed out of the driveway slowly, taking extra caution as to not hit the basketball net set up by the side of the pavement; he had nicked the car with it before and wasn’t too happy about the large scratch it left on his car bumper. The tires made a familiar crunching sound as my dad reached the gravel of the road. Elmer Street was a very barren road. Unless they were lost, not many cars drove by on an average day. I took one last look at our house, a small green bungalow set on a few acres of grassy land. My mother was still standing on the sidewalk. She looked so fragile in her loose fitting overalls and red bandanna as she waved goodbye to us.
As we drove, my dad drummed on the leather steering wheel as he asked my brother how school was going. My brother was attending Yale and had loved it so much that he decided to stay for a summer semester. I wasn’t sure which he loved more, the classes, or the parties and beer. Something about the gut he was newly in possession of told me that it was probably the latter.
We soon reached the auditorium parking lot of my school and my dad was so excited that he forgot to unbuckle before he got out of the car, causing him to step one foot out the door before being yanked back in. I stifled a giggle as we started for the auditorium doors that many girls and boys in blue and green uniforms were already piling into. As we walked through the doors, we were immersed in the excited chatter of my peers and the blinding fluorescents and stark white paint of the lobby.
The doors to the auditorium itself were not opened yet and so everyone just formed into circles to chat. I looked around me, trying to take in every last detail of this building that I would never see again. The walls were plastered with posters of a since passed theatrical play. The carpet was an undistinguishable greenish blue color, the same as all of the school’s classrooms. I looked up at the ceiling, I would definitely not miss these unforgiving fluorescents.
A nearby mom with a green clad girl in tow approached us. She patted down her frazzled hair and flashed a grin. Her name was Mrs. Powell, she was the head of the PTA and made a point to know all of the students and their parents. It wasn‘t too difficult though, there were only 500 students at Peterson High, home of the blue hawks. Her daughter was Jennifer Powell, a small girl with wide, sad eyes and frizzy brown hair to match her mother’s.
Mrs. Powell had a shrill voice. Her long neck caused her to resemble a giraffe. “Dave Brooks, it’s great to see you. Your daughter, Lilly, oh Lilly.” She put a hand on my shoulder. “You must be proud.”
My dad wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me close to him, giving the cap on my head a noogie. “Yeah, she’s a good kid.”
Despite the smile that escaped my lips, I grumbled as I fixed my cap back to the right position.
“So where is Ann?” Mrs. Powell craned her long neck around the room.
She was talking about my mother. I found it particularly funny because if there were anyone my mother were to show any disdain for, it would be Mrs. Powell. She felt that she was a nosey and bored housewife with nothing better to do than stir up some gossip. My father cleared his throat. “She wasn’t feeling very well.”
You could almost see the devious gears clicking in her brain. “Hmm, not well enough to come to her own daughter’s graduation? What a shame.”
My father frowned and I could see that he was trying to choose his words wisely, knowing full well that anything he said could be used against him or his family. “As much as it pains her to not be able to see Lilly’s graduation, we both thought that it would be best if she got some rest and we’ll have our own celebration at home. Plus, there’s always the graduation party in a few weeks.”
“Still, such a shame. I miss Ann, it’s been so long since I’ve seen her last. She hasn’t gone to any of the parent picnics that I’ve set up. Nor the mother’s night out bowling events.” She pursed her lips and examined her red press-on fingernails. “I was starting to think that maybe she was just ignoring me.”
My dad quickly spoke in his wife’s defense. “I’m sure that’s the last thing that she wants you to think. She told me just the other day of how much she wishes she could have gone to those events.” That was a fib if I ever saw one. “But, Cameron was able to come tonight.” He stepped to the side to reveal my brother, who was a few feet away from us, looking out the window. At the mention of his name, he slowly walked back to the group.
“Oh, there’s no way. That can’t be.… Cameron? It’s been so long.” Mrs. Powell’s voice shrieked higher. Her daughter, Jennifer, stared at Cameron as though he were a celebrity. Well, he practically was back in his day. Everyone always knew me as Cameron’s little sister. He was on the basketball team, was Prom King, and managed a 4.0 despite his tendency to party.
I finally had the upper hand today, Cameron never had the chance to give a speech the likes of mine. “You’ve raised some great kids, Dave. What with Lilly being Valedictorian and Cameron over in, what was it? Yale?” Mrs. Powell reached for a tissue in her purse to wipe her nose. “You know Cameron, my Jennifer here, she used to-”
“Mom!” Her daughter shrieked and flushed bright red before turning away from us.
“Darling, it’s fine. I’m sure he’ll feel flattered.” Mrs. Powell pat her daughter on the hand. “She used to talk about you all the time. She absolutely adored you. Was so sad when you graduated.”
Cameron chuckled. “I’m sorry, but, I don’t think I’ve ever met your daughter, Mrs. Powell.” He put his hand out, “Jennifer, is it?” At the mention of her name she slowly turned around and flushed an even brighter shade of crimson at the sight of his extended hand. She awkwardly grasped it and gave it a slight shake before turning to face the people entering the auditorium doors. As soon as she found a familiar face, she briskly walked over to her friend and whispered her embarrassment.
“Well, it was great seeing you. I should probably find a seat.” We watched her as she left in strangely tall high heels that caused her to waddle a bit as she walked.
“Thank you for not being a crazy parent.” I hugged my dad.
He chuckled. “No problem.”
As I sat in my chair, I couldn’t help but nervously tap my foot on the stage to the beat of the song that the school’s band and orchestra was playing. I knew that this day was coming, but I didn’t realize just how intimidating it would be. Here I was, sitting in between the principal and salutatorian and I felt like I was being watched by hundreds of pairs of eyes. Because, I probably was.
There’s always something so interesting about the school’s Valedictorian, it’s almost like the leading celebrity that represents a movie. And, here everyone was, staring at me to see what I’d do and say next. Maybe I was internalizing it too much, but I had heard so many people ask me questions about my future that I was just absolutely sick of it. It’s not like I was happy to tell them either. I wasn’t happy about my future, even if I said that I was. The smile that I put on when I told them what was on the agenda was as fake as could be.
I took a deep breath. I didn’t need to be thinking about that right now. Not a good idea. I needed to look at the now, not the future. Because, the future just stressed me out.
It felt like ages until our principal, Mr. Walker, had gotten up to say a few words. He was a short yet stout man with a snaggletooth and balding patches accentuated by tufts of white hair. Whenever he spoke he would frequently adjust his glasses on his bulbous nose. His honest and comical personality made up for his appearance though. As he began his speech, the auditorium was completely silent, his words were always just too good to miss. He cracked several jokes before he told the parents and other family members in a serious tone about how fantastic our class was. He then finished his speech by saying: “Now, I have seen this student grow from a small freshman into the beautiful young lady that she is now.” He looked over to me, his eyes glistening. “She is an extremely bright student with an insatiable desire for knowledge, and I am proud to have had her at our school. Ms. Lilly Brooks.”
I felt like crying at the uproar of applause. It really knocked the wind out of me. I wasn’t expecting such a powerful reaction. As I walked up to the stage, I felt like I was floating. It was all too much to take. I took in a deep breath and gripped the edge of the podium. Clearing my throat, I spoke about the trials and tribulations of our class. I spoke of how proud I was to be able to call my peers family. I spoke of the heart and joy I had seen in them over the years. I had practiced that speech so many times in front of my mirror that I had it memorized by heart. I didn’t look at my note cards once, I simply gazed at the audience in a foggy way. I could never truly look at things sharply when I gave speeches, and so out of nerves I would always stare at the air between myself and them to keep me from stressing out.
After I gave my speech, the Salutatorian took the podium, and my principal, Mr. Walker, pulled me aside.
Standing in the wings of the stage, hidden from the eye of the audience, Mr. Walker pat me on the shoulder. “Lilly, I am so proud of you. But, I’ve known all along that you would be here, in exactly the position that you are. I’ve seen you grow, and honestly, you are one of the most sincere and hard working girls I have seen step foot into this school. I want you to know that although you will be dearly missed, the entire staff wishes you the best. But, please, do me a favor.”
Holding back tears, I asked him what the favor was in my watery voice.
“I know that you’ll probably move far, far away from here as soon as you can. Off to do bigger and better things, but come back and visit every once in a while. You will be missed.”
I wiped away a small tear and hugged him. I realized that he didn’t know just how much I would be able to visit. I decided not to say anything.
