two hearts apart (scene)

Jiezter gave her a necklace with a shoe as it's pendant.

"Cinderella shoe huh?" i smiled as i looked at him.

"ha ha! that's nothing compare to Cinderella glass shoe" he laughed. "Do you know that was one of my favorite story?" he sound so serious as he asked me. i looked at him as if telling him there was nothing new from what he had said. well, that must be true. everyone loves Cinderella's story. but as she saw his sweet smile she felt that there is something about the story that really delighted him.

"Do you know why Cinderella left her shoe even if it fitted her?" he demanded.

"Because it was just a fairytale. You know a happy blah-blah after." i replied without looking at him.

"No. but because it's meant to be.. if Cinderella wouldn't left her shoe, how can the prince find her? she had to leave something behind so the story will go on and there will be no 'happily ever after"

Now she finally understand why he love the story. For him it wasn't just a fairytale. It can happen to anyone. It was the epitome of love and destiny. And it was not just for books.

"People now make versions of the story. but forgot the true meaning of it." He continued. "they are focusing on the 'damsel in distress save by a prince' theme than 'the shoe symbolizes true love that they will fall in love because they are meant to be and the love they are real' theme."

I looked at her with a smile plastered on my face. "True love." i whispered. "You had a great description of love and destiny.. but, i had my own favorite."

"Really?!" amusement was obvious in his voice.

"Yes. the little mermaid was my favorite."

He shrugged and leaned on his chair. "That story was tragic! Your really weird." he raised his eyebrows as he said those words.

My smile turned into grin. "I thought your a romantic person, how come you found it tragic?"

"Because she died!" he declared. "they never live happy together."

"Well, you're right. but the little mermaid became happy. Because i knew deep in her heart she knew what she had for him was real. It was true love. And even if they don't end up together the Prince was alive. For me that's the concept of love. If you love someone do whatever it takes. Persons like her are the only one who can claim they fallen in love because they took the risk. Love will not come like it will fall from the sky. For me, we are the one to decide. Do you remember sponge bob?"

"Okay, from a fairytale to a cartoon character" he joked.

"Well, I read a message from a close friend on mine. she told me sponge bob once said 'loving is like handling someone a gun pointing them to your heart and trusting him never pull the trigger.' Now do you understand? Love is a risk decision for us to take but builds a new life if it was true."

jiezter was amazed. he knew he had a good description about love but she made him realize more. love doesn't always mean you'll end up together and live happy. it was giving without any expectatio

A huh ... I think you had separated this one from your novel, when you are going to post a part of your novel there should be a blue dialog box on the upper right side of your screen asking you if that is a part of your project. Anyway, I have noticed from the first few lines a mistake that you should be aware of:

Jiezter gave her a necklace with a shoe as it's pendant.

"Cinderella shoe huh?" i smiled as i looked at him.

"Ha ha! That's nothing compared to Cinderella's glass shoe." He laughed. "Do you know that was one of my favorite story?" He sounded so serious as he asked me. I looked at him as if telling him there was nothing new from what he had said. Well, that must be true. everyone loves Cinderella's story. But as she saw his sweet smile she felt that there is something about the story that really delighted him.

"Do you know why Cinderella left her shoe even if it fitted her?" he demanded. ----> Demanded?

"Because it was just a fairytale. You know a happy blah-blah after." I replied without looking at him.

"No. But because it's meant to be.. if Cinderella wouldn't left her shoe, how can the prince find her? She had to leave something behind so the story will go on and there will be no 'happily ever after"

Now she finally understand why he love the story. For him it wasn't just a fairytale. It can happen to anyone. It was the epitome of love and destiny. And it was not just for books.

"People now make versions of the story. but forgot the true meaning of it." He continued. "They are focusing on the 'damsel in distress save by a prince' theme than 'the shoe symbolizes true love that they will fall in love because they were meant to be and the love they have is real' theme."

I looked at her with a smile plastered on my face. "True love." i whispered. "You had a great description of love and destiny.. but,I had my own favorite."

"Really?!" amusement was obvious in his voice.

"Yes. The little mermaid was my favorite."

He shrugged and leaned on his chair. "That story was tragic! You're really weird." He raised his eyebrows as he said those words.

My smile turned into grin. "I thought your a romantic person, how come you found it tragic?"

"Because she died!" He declared. "They never live happy together."

"Well, you're right. but the little mermaid became happy. Because I knew deep in her heart she knew what she had for him was real. It was true love. And even if they don't end up together the Prince was alive. For me that's the concept of love. If you love someone do whatever it takes. Persons like her are the only one who can claim they have fallen in love because they took the risk. Love will not come like it will fall from the sky. For me, we are the one to decide. Do you remember sponge bob?"

"Okay, from a fairytale to a cartoon character" he joked.

"Well, I read a message from a close friend on mine. she told me sponge bob once said 'loving is like handling someone a gun pointing them to your heart and trusting him never pull the trigger.' Now do you understand? Love is a risk decision for us to take but builds a new life if it was true."

Jiezter was amazed. He knew he had a good description about love but she made him realize more. Love doesn't always mean you'll end up together and live happy. It was giving without any expectation.

Ok ! The story was very good! It was unique in its own way! Discussing about love, fairy tales and etc. Nice story! Ahm there were couple of mistakes with regards to the capitalization of letters which should be capitalized. Ahm, other than that I it was a very good piece! Well I have no right to correct your grammar cause yours is better than mine,.

I'm looking forward for the next part Keep it up my friend

ha ha. actually this scene will be on the part 4 of my novel. that's why i wrote it in separately.

First, you need to work on your capitalization skills, just from glancing through this I can tell that they are lacking. Also, there were places were you peft out small parts or single letters of the words, you should go back and fix that. And there was one case, here:

Now she finally understand why he love the story. For him it wasn't just a fairytale. It can happen to anyone. It was the epitome of love and destiny. And it was not just for books.

You switched from first person to third person here.

jiezter was amazed. he knew he had a good description about love but she made him realize more. love doesn't always mean you'll end up together and live happy. it was giving without any expectations.

And here.

Fix these small problems and your story will have a lot more depth. Good job all things considered.