Crocodile

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Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 5
“Good evening,” said the Crocodile,
“It’s nice to see you here.
I wish to greet you with a smile
and welcome you with cheer.”

The tiny school of fishes four,
they bowed and smiled too.
These things they did for a day more,
to live and make it through.

“But stay awhile,” said Crocodile,
“It is too soon to go.”
The little fishes were beguiled
and thoughts came to them slow.

So the fishes sat and thought
while Crocodile did wait.
But when the answer came they sought
they found it was too late.

For Crocodile had opened wide
was picking at his jaws,
and though the fishes tried and tried
they could not get past his claws.

“Dear sir,” beseeched the fishes four,
“Please wont you let us pass?”
But Crocodile’s eyes were bored,
and was too smart and fast.”

“We wish you wouldn’t set such traps,
and treat us quite so badly!”
“Too bad for you, my little snacks,”
his sneer retorted sadly.

“Poor fishes, what a fate you had,
I’m sorry for your affliction.”
He tried to think of fancier words
that weren’t in his diction.

The fishes, they said naught
no more words or begs to leave
because it was a fight unfought
no other could conceive.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
The regular morbid child's poem. Minor suggestions:

These things they did for a day more,
to live and make it through.

i just didn't get this.

and was too smart and fast.”

get rid of the quotation at the end. i'm sure it's just a typo.

his sneer retorted sadly.

sneer and sadly? sneers are usually more with sardonic humor that disappointment.

that weren’t in his diction.

this line needs one more syllable. how about "that weren't within his diction"?
Carpe Diem.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 13
You show promise. I love the words "beguiled", "beseeched" and "aught". Very good. The story sort of trails off, doesn't it? You have a good story going, and then you just wanted to wrap it up real quick...I think you should end it better. The second to the last stanza is where it goes wrong. Anyway, do keep writing!



grammar is hard and i dislike it immensely
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