my latest work

The Roads from My Door

The path it goes from my doorstep,
Onto open roads and ways,
It meanders over hills,
And runs beside swift rivers,
Through tunnels and past dales,
Into quiet valleys where the road twists and turns,
Worn and weary over tall mountaintops,
Where the jagged peaks scrape the sky,
It wanders past the sea and into hidden bays,
Inside hidden woods it crawls,
And walks in green fields of grass,
Where the morning breeze plays,
It skulks past green forests and through the dark trees,
Where in the night the dark things prowl,
Underneath branches and over boughs it climbs,
Passing golden fields and dark ravines it leaps about,
It travels beyond fallen kingdoms where noble lords lie,
Beneath starlit skies in the dark of night,
Into scalding deserts and endless sands,
Passing far reaching plains and eternal halls,
And well-further than what the eyes can see,
Past the world’s ending and into worlds beyond,
Never-ending is the road,
My feet like the ground beneath me, I can do naught but follow,
I go where the road leads me, Never back to my own door.

Ignatius5453 wrote:The Roads from My Door

The path, comma it goes from my doorstep, This would sound better if these were two separate lines
Onto open roads and ways,
It runs over hills,
And meanders beside swift rivers, Swap those two
Through tunnels and past dales,
Into quiet valleys where the road twists and turns, Uhm... a dale is a valley... using those two words sounds too much repetitive
Worn and weary, comma over tall mountain( )tops,
Where the jagged peaks scrape the sky.Period
It wanders past the sea and into hidden bays,
Inside hidden woods, comma it crawls,
And walks in green fields of grass,
Where the morning breeze plays. Period
It skulks past lush forests and through the dark trees, Maybe another adjective then 'green' since you used it right above.
Where in the night the dark things prowl. Period
Underneath branches and over boughs it climbs,
Passing golden fields, comma and dark ravines it leaps about,
It travels beyond fallen kingdoms where noble lords lie,
Beneath starlit skies in the dark of night,
Into scalding deserts and endless sands,
Passing far-reaching plains and eternal halls,
And well further than what the eyes can see,
Past the world’s ending and into worlds beyond, That last 6 lines part are definitely my favorite ones
Never-ending is the road,
My feet like the ground beneath me, I can do naught but follow,
I go where the road leads me, Never back to my own door.

This is really cute. I liked it a lot; the imagery is great, and really meaningful. I've got no critique for you. Good job!
Keep it up!

-Truth-

How nice. I twas very refreshing, kind of a nice poem to read. I couldn't find any other nitpicks, so I'll just tell you what a wonderful job you did. It was, as I said, refreshing, clever, deep, and mulit-dimensional; meaning it had layers and layers of meaning. Your pathway means fate, which could be any kind of situation, love, career, etc. It portrayed strength of character, that metaphor of never looking back. All the different things the path moved through, all the different situations...oh I could just go on and on! You did an amazing job! I won't say it's a completely new thing, I've seen this type of thing before, but I rarely see it done so well. I think only Robert Frosts "The Road Not Taken" is the only one I've ever read that might be better than yours, and Robert Frost is hard to beat.

Again, Excellent-Sauce!

a beautiful piece. the imagery and the usage of adjectives is apt. every thing seems well matched, neither overtly pensive nor plain descriptive. some very thoughtful lines present themselves throughout the poem. i particularly liked how the road has been shown to change with the terrain it is following, synonymous with real life,where sometimes we have to go with the flow in order to survive.
my favorite lines of the poem are-

"It travels beyond fallen kingdoms where noble lords lie,
Beneath starlit skies in the dark of night,
Into scalding deserts and endless sands,
Passing far reaching plains and eternal halls,
And well-further than what the eyes can see,
Past the world’s ending and into worlds beyond,"

the road has been depicted as the silent observer,watching all it passes by. it never stops, only the one traversing it abandons the course, while it goes on, beyond what meets the eye.
all-in-all a wonderful depiction of the abstraction.

Thanks guys for the glowing reviews. I was proud of this work, glad to see some people liked it!