This Monster

Deep, dark, inside of me,
caged in is this beast.
Snarling and snapping,
yet the audience is clapping,
merrily, unaware of the danger,
it is to anger.
Every voice inside my head,
screams that it want’s me dead.
Someone save me,
can’t you see?
I can’t do this on my own,
and I’m all alone!

It’s breaking me,
can’t you see?
I’m bleeding inside,
just like every time!
I’m lying and hiding,
behind empty words,
and hollow promises.
Why can’t you see through them,
why can’t you see him?!?

ooohhh lots of rhyming! XD i liked this one it had feeling in it and the slight rhyming gave it voice/a beat. thumbs up!!

Hi! I like your poem. It does have pretty good rhyming; none of it seems very forced. In the second stanza, especially at the end, you lose your rhyme. I think you should be steady with your scheme. Also, the letter at the beginning of each line doesn't have to be capitalized. It makes it harder to read.

When I was reading this, this line jumped out at me.

Every voice inside my head,
Screams, “it want’s me dead!”

First, you don't need an apostrophe in wants. Also, I would get rid of the quotation marks and say something like "screams that it wants me dead."

So in all, I think you have a pretty nice poem. Sorry if this review wasn't very long... I'm tired and getting dizzy o.o Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

Hello there,

I really liked this, it really spoke to me and it was very powerful and moving. I liked the rhyming and the catchy beat. I didn't think the extra exclamation marks and unnecessary capitalization, if anything I think you should have put it in italics or made it bold, capitalizing just looks a bit unprofessional. Apart from that though this was a very good poem that I really enjoyed reading. Keep writing this is a very good poem that is full of amazing language and very well organized verses.

From CuteJR

This was a great poem, the rhyming definitely gave it a different feeling than I could imagine it not having. The last stanza was my favorite, last line specifically.

I really liked it! You're a great poet, my friend. I LOVE YA!