Tears

Whoah! Hey there Kelly and welcome to YWS! How are you enjoying the site so far? *hands out a plate full of chocolate chip cookies* Careful when you bite down. I may have lost a hair clip in there! >.<


So, this poem is really short which I have to say I both like and dislike; like because it makes for a quick read but dislike because sometimes it makes for a difficult piece to review. This is the case with your poem however. You have a lovely poem here. The word choice is simple and very clean. You didn’t attempt to use an overly heavy vocabulary which makes this so refreshing. In fact, I really only have one itty bitty comma comment:

So i hope you remember me, my tears and
The rain that tried to wash away my sorrows.

I was a little baffled while reading this because I think you would be better off with a comma after the word “tears” and possible moving “and” down to the last line. Otherwise, “my tears and the rain” feel like they’re meant to be one thing instead of two different things which I’m pretty sure isn’t the case.


Overall, I like this a lot and I like that you’ve so cleanly represented this sorrow.

Good luck and happy writing!

it was originally written like that but i forgot to add those in.
And thank you for pointing that out

This is short and sweet, yet complex at the same time....i love that about poetry, that and teh emptions that people put into it, i thik you were blessed to be able to do short poetry without epicaly failing like i do woth short poetry! XD
ok, lets start!!!!
1. wording was nice and clean, but next time, don;t be so safe! I also agree with lilymoore, those line need a bit of cleaning up, but not much! ^.^

gramer=A+
spelling=A+
wording=B-
over all i give this amazing poetry, an A-

Cool! I like how you kept using the words "rain" and "tears". It created a feeling of sadness because the word choice was so limited. Sometimes when people are sad they can barely speak, and it kind of sounded to me like you were truly sad because you kept saying the same thing. It was short and too the point, any longer I think it might get boring. But this was just the right length and over all I really liked it.

i agree. you did a good job and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. keep writing!