Sometimes (working title) Chapter seven

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As usual, I want to start off by saying how much I love the people who are reviewing and reading this story. I honestly can't express how much I appreciate the help! You keep me wanting to write this novel :)

In the last chapter, Harriet got called serious again, she shared her homework with Aiden in an attempt to come across more fun, and Cassie had a tantrum but luckily Harriet was there to save the day, even though she forgot the spoon for her yoghurt :P

Enjoy! Thanks for reading!


I was free when I was dancing. No longer confined to the thoughts that plagued me throughout the day; had I any homework to do? Was I supposed to have called Cassie? Were my grades up to scratch? It was almost like dancing put me in my own little bubble. I could see the people looking in, watching me move to the rhythm of the music, but they had no say in how I interpreted the music. They couldn’t tell me I was doing it wrong, because there was no right or wrong. Dancing was a way of expressing yourself and I embraced it every time I entered the dance studio, leaving the thoughts that weighed me down at the door.

I jumped on the spot, readying myself for the fast tempo part. My heart was racing in expectation and my skin was tingling from my pointed toes right the way up to my finger tips that I was pointing at the sky. Three. Two. One. And it started. The spinning, leaping, swaying. The sensation of escape followed me around the room as I pulled shapes, the music echoing in my head. The smile on my face was reserved only for when I danced. My body was drenched in sweat and my muscles ached with the effort of keeping up with the music, but I didn’t care. When I danced, nothing else mattered.

I finished off the new freestyle routine I’d been working on with the help of Maddi, my teacher, before heading to the benches to grab my bottle of water from my bag. I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead and I was glad that no-one I knew was here to see me looking as though I’d just trekked a hundred miles across the Sahara desert. I downed what was left of the water in my bottle and sank down onto the wooden slats of the bench. My heart was still pumping with the adrenaline that the dancing had worked up and I took a few deep breaths to try and steady it.

Checking my phone, I saw that I had two messages. I read the one from Cassie first. She was annoyed that I was missing the chance to hang out with Brandon but I text her back saying that I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than pretend to be interested in the football game. Message sent, I made to open the second message from Leanne, just as I heard my name being called.

“Harriet. Yo!”

My eyes widened in horror and I frantically tried to get my fringe to quit sticking to my forehead; it felt greasy with sweat. Then a thought crossed my mind; I bet I smelt worse than a swamp.

“Harriet. Did you get Leanne’s text? She can’t pick you up, so she sent me instead. Something about having to cover someone’s shift.”

I slowly peeled my gaze away from the floor and looked up straight into a pair of gorgeous coffee brown eyes.

“I was, uh, just about to, uh, read it,” I stammered, waving my phone at him. Smooth.

Sonny smiled and my stomach squeezed. “Well we’re here now anyway,” he replied, sounding as slick as ever.

I couldn’t believe what was happening. The one time I was guaranteed to look all clammy and frumpy, dressed in my old pink sweats, Sonny had to turn up looking like the image of perfection. My eyes skimmed over his dark jeans and tight fitting t-shirt. How was I supposed to sit in a car with him without making myself look like an idiot? If I didn’t say anything, he’d think I didn’t like him. So not true. But if I tried to have a conversation, I’d probably end up saying something stupid. Again. I was arguing with myself, trying to figure out what to do, when I realised what he’d said. ‘We’re here now?’

“I reckon I could be a dancer, you know. I have the physique for it.”

Aiden’s voice sounded too loud in my ears and I buried my face in my palms.

“Harriet, you alright?” Sonny asked.

My head snapped up in an instant, just in time to see Aiden come to a halt beside Sonny. Aiden was a good couple of feet smaller than Sonny and he had far less muscle. His arms looked stick like next to Sonny, who I knew for a fact worked out twice a week.

I nodded quickly when I remembered I hadn’t answered him. “Yeah, just, uh, had something in my eye. It’s gone now though.” I cringed internally when I realised I’d just plastered a cheesy grin on my face. “We can get going now.” The sooner I was home and away from him, the better. God knows what I’d tell him if I was around him for too long.

I gathered my things up and shouldered my bag.

“Ready?” Sonny asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” I replied. My heart swooned in my chest and I was glad that I was still sitting down.

I got up finally and followed the guys to the door, forcing myself to look anywhere but at Sonny’s backside.
Okay. Just be cool. I’ll only speak when I’m spoken to. Yeah, that would help limit the amount of times I had a chance to say something stupid.

I noticed Aiden slow down. “I hope you don’t mind me being here. Sonny was helping me learn my parts to their songs when Leanne called and asked him to pick you up.”

Yes. “Of course not. Why would I?”

Aiden seemed to smirk for a second. “Your eye all better now?”

“Yeah.”

“Not that you had anything in it,” he added with a grin.

I could feel my cheeks threatening to turn bright red. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Aiden sniggered under his breath. “I know your game.”

“What game?” I frowned. “Your talking in riddles like Cassie.”

“Well I bet Cassie would know how to act around a guy she likes,” he said in hushed tones. “I can bet you she wouldn’t have done the whole ‘something in my eye’ thing.”

I wanted to hit him, but only because I’d been clear enough about liking Sonny that he’d cottoned on. I must have been obvious; Aiden didn’t strike me as one to pay that much attention to what was going on around him. He seemed to be studying me now though.

“Well?” he said, a cheeky grin on his face. “Am I right or am I right?”

I ground my teeth together and strode ahead out of the building. The cold air hit my bare arms, making my breath catch in my throat. I could hear shoes slapping the pavement behind me as I set my eyes back on Sonny. He was on his phone now, waiting by the side of his car.

“So, what are you going to do about your little crush then?” Aiden asked.

I looked up at him, feigning innocence. “What crush?”

Aiden laughed. “Oh come on, Harriet! You practically fall over every time you see him and you go all stupid when he speaks to you.”

“Shut up.”

“No,” he replied. “You obviously fancy the pants off him.”

“I do not,” I said resiliently, but I could feel my cheeks flaming, contradicting my words.

“Then why are you blushing?”

I scowled. “Why do you have to be so darn annoying?”

He laughed again, the skin by his eyes creasing. “Because you are so darn obvious.”

I clenched my fist at his mimicking tone. “Am not.”

“So, are you going to do anything about your crush or not?” He was gazing at me with a serious look now and it seemed out of place on him; he always looked cheeky whenever I was around him. This new side of him made me nervous.

I looked up at him, a stern expression set like stone on my face. “No.”

“Well doing nothing’s not going to get you anywhere.”

I stopped a short distance from Sonny and grabbed Aiden’s arm, pulling him to a halt too. “If you say anything to Sonny, I’ll tell Mr. Lloyd that you didn’t do the homework and you made me share it with you.”

Aiden’s lips curved upwards. “Blackmail, hey?”

“If it means you won’t tell him,” I replied. “Then yeah. You leave me no choice.”

He chuckled. “Don’t worry, Harriet. I don’t plan on saying anything.”

Even though I wasn’t sure whether to believe him or not, I found myself smiling. “Thanks.”

“In fact,” he continued. “I think I’m going to help you.”

“Help me?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Just think of me as your guide to the male species.”

I laughed.

“Don’t dis the help,” he said. “Like now for example, Sonny wants to go but instead you’re standing a short distance away, holding onto my arm.” His eyes lowered to where my fingers were looped around his forearm.

My hand flew off his arm as if his skin had been one hundred degrees. I coughed awkwardly. “We should get in the car then.”

“That could work,” Aiden said.

We took a few steps before Aiden tapped my shoulder. I rounded on him, expecting to see him laughing or poking fun at me, as was the usual situation with him. But instead he was staring at me with a thoughtful expression.

“Do you want shot gun?” he asked.

I frowned. “Do I want what?”

“You’ve never heard of shot gun?” Aiden asked and I could tell that he was trying to keep humour from his voice.

“I know what a shot gun is. I just don’t know what it’s got to do with Sonny’s car.”

“It’s an expression,” Aiden explained. “It’s what people say to bagsy the front seat.”

“Oh,” I replied. “So you’re asking if I want to sit in the front, with Sonny?”

He nodded, a smile on his face now.

“Should I?”

“So you do want my help?” He was standing opposite me, his hands on his hips, wearing a confident smile. His blonde hair was blowing about in the breeze, falling into his eyes, but he didn’t attempt to move it.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes. If you promise not to stitch me up.”

“You’ve got the English homework thing on me, remember?”

“Oh yeah. Well, as long as you promise not to make me look like an idiot.”

“I promise,” Aiden replied.

“Good.” I smiled. “So, shot gun?”

He nodded. “Go for it.”

I clicked the seat belt into place and turned to look out of the window. My heart was racing at the thought that Sonny was only a few inches away in the drivers seat. He started the engine and the car sprang to life.

“Radio anyone?” Sonny asked.

I forced myself to face him. He was looking straight at me and I almost forgot to breath at the sight of his smile.

“As long as it’s not the crap that was on on the way here,” Aiden said from the back seat.

I twisted in my seat to face Aiden and he winked. “Sounds good,” I replied.

“Alright then,” Sonny said, before he started tapping at the buttons on the cars CD player.

A rock song burst out of the speakers and the bass pumped around the car. “This okay?” Sonny asked.

I nodded, surprised that I recognised the song. I’d heard Leanne playing it in her room yesterday. “This is ‘Jump start’ right?”

Sonny shifted the car into reverse and turned to me with his dark eyebrows raised. He looked impressed. “Yeah, it is. You like it?”

I nodded again. “Yeah, it’s catchy.”

“Awesome,” Sonny replied.

I suddenly felt like I could do it. Having a conversation with Sonny didn’t seem scary anymore. All I had to do was talk about something he could relate to, like music, and I’d be fine. Note to self; Raid Leanne’s CD collection.

***

The rest of the car journey went great. I managed to recognise another two songs that played on the radio, earning myself more smiles from Sonny.

“I’ll drop you at the end of your road, alright?” Sonny said. “You’re cul-de-sac is a pain to turn around in.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that’s great thanks.”

Sonny pulled the car over and I undid my belt as he lowered the volume on the radio. I couldn’t help noticing how close his hand was to my leg as he rested it on the radio controls. My heart thumped hard.

“Thanks,” I said.

“No problem,” Sonny replied. “Catch you later.”

I opened the door and stepped out, without falling over or anything, much to my surprise. I shut the door and heard another door slam shut. I spun around, hoping to see Sonny offering to walk me to my house, but instead I noticed Aiden was now standing on the pavement next to me.

He caught my confused look and smiled. “I live the next road over,” he said, pointing off towards a line of trees.

I was about to reply when I heard Sonny rev his cars engine. He beeped the horn before pulling away. I stared at the space where his car had been, feeling a little depressed. He hadn’t shouted another goodbye or told me how cool I was, like some huge part of me had been secretly hoping he would.

“Don’t look so glum,” Aiden said. “I reckon you did okay. I mean, you didn’t get anything in your eye again.”

I looked up at him. “I suppose.”

Aiden laughed. “Harriet, he’s a guy. Guys don’t see things the way girls do. Just keep working at it and it’ll pay off, I promise.”

“Thanks.” I smiled. “Well, I better be off. I’ve got work to do.”

I heard Aiden sigh as I took a step away.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“You. All you do it work,” he said. “You’re like a workaholic or something.”

“I just want good grades,” I said. “University. Remember?”

“That’s not for another year,” he said pointedly. “You’re young. You should be living it up, not shut away in your room, hunched over your desk.” He spread his arms out wide, waving them up and down. He was trying to get me to listen to him, but all I could do not to laugh at the fact that he looked like he was impersonating a chicken, was to nod half-heartedly.

“I don’t hunch,” I replied.

He laughed and brought his hands back to his sides. “Fine. But you shouldn’t be thinking about work constantly. You know, I know for a fact that Sonny likes girls who have fun.”

I rested my hands on my hips. “I have fun.”

“When?”

“At dance class. Even at work, when I’m not rushed off my feet with customers.”

Aiden rolled his eyes and I realised how cool a colour they actually were. “Real fun,” he corrected. “Like going to see a film.”

“I watch films,” I insisted. “I just prefer to wait until they come out on DVD.”

“That defeats the object of going to the cinema.” I could see a defiant expression working its way onto his face and it annoyed me. It was almost like he really enjoyed being right about me. “When did you last go?”

I shrugged dismissively and began walking towards my house. Aiden followed. The sound of his footsteps on the pavement mingled with mine and I noticed how they seemed to echo in the quiet evening. The wind picked back up again and I hugged my arms around my body, glad that I’d put my jacket back on on the way home. My pulse increased a little at the memory of being in Sonny’s car. It had only been five minutes ago, but it felt like ages since I’d seen him and his lovely smile.

“Earth to Harriet.” I felt Aiden poke my shoulder. “I asked you a question. You know, about the cinema.”

I nodded. “When did I last go the cinema? Uh, last year.”

Aiden’s eyebrows nearly hit his hairline. “Harriet!”

I smiled at his reaction. “What? It’s not the end of the world.”

“You wouldn’t know the end of the world was happening. You’d be too busy holed up in your room.”

“Shut up!”

“No.” He chuckled. “I reckon I need to teach you how to have fun.”

***

“He has a point,” Cassie admitted as I watched her attempt to make a sandwich after college the next day. She’d managed to butter the knife more than the bread and the slices of ham were sticking out of the crusts. “You’re way too serious.”

My gut wrenched at the sound of the word serious. It was hanging around me like a bad smell lately and I was fed up of it.

“I do know how to have fun though, right?”

Cassie glanced at me quickly before looking back down at the chopping board. “Uh, yeah. Sometimes.”

“Sometimes!”

“I just mean you tend to put your work before anything else. Even before enjoying yourself.”

I frowned. “I just want to get a good career. Is that so wrong?”

“You’re seventeen, H. Not, thirty seven. You’ve got time to think about careers.” She smiled. “You should be living it up.”

“That’s what Aiden said,” I replied.

I started gathering the crumbs Cassie had spilt onto the counter, in my fingers, before dropping them into the sink.

I heard Cassie sigh behind me. “Like now for instance. Most teenagers would leave the mess for their parents to clean up, but you go ahead and tidy up, even though it wasn’t you who made the mess.”

I shrugged off her ‘you’re not helping yourself’ expression. “There’s nothing wrong with being responsible. Besides, being tidy doesn’t make you unable to have fun,” I said, glaring at her pointedly.

“I’m just saying, that’s all. Being called serious obviously bothers you.”

“It does,” I admitted. “I mean, what teenager wants to be labelled as serious?”

“One that goes along with the phrase, all work and no play,” Cassie replied. “You’ll be wearing a suit to college next. I mean, you’re already halfway there with that long pencil skirt you wear. And then there’s your hair.”

My hand leapt to my fringe defensively. “What’s wrong with my hair?” I asked.

I knew I wasn’t exactly wearing the latest trends; I was happy as long as I was comfy. Unlike Cassie who, today for instance, was wearing a charcoal coloured knitted jumper with a pair of skin tight jeans. My hoody didn’t really compare.

“There’s nothing majorly wrong,” Cassie replied, twirling a lock of her own bright blonde hair around a finger. “It just needs a good cut and maybe a few highlights.”

I frowned. “I know it’s long overdue a trim, but I don’t need highlights. I’m not dying a bright blue streak in it, just so I’ll look more fun.”

“You don’t need to dye it blue,” Cassie said. “I just think you could stand to have it a little more choppy. Have some layers cut in.”

“Are you saying my hair looks flat?” I said.

Cassie chewed on her sandwich and shrugged. “I think a more angular cut would help to show off your amazing face shape. You know I love your cheekbones.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, but resisted. Part of me needed to feel complimented. Especially after being told that I not only acted, but looked, serious.

I watched in thought as Cassie finished up her sandwich before wiping her hands across her jeans, leaving crumbs splayed along the fabric. She then removed her compact from her back pocket and studied her mouth.

“You know, I reckon I might get botox in my lips when I turn eighteen,” she said, turning to face me. “My top lip is too thin.”

“What happened to ‘botox is for self obsessed celebrities’?” I asked, leading Cassie into the front room. I dropped onto the sofa and Cassie wandered towards the wicker chair, her eyes still on her reflection in the compact.

“That was before I found out that Zelda King had her lips done. You know, they don’t look fake or anything. She hasn’t got a trout pout like that lady who works in the nail salon by college,” Cassie said.

“Mrs. Lockwood probably didn’t pay a stupid amount of money like Zelda King did,” I added.

Cassie was pulling faces at her reflection. She poked her tongue out and stretched her lips back against her teeth.

“I think you’re gorgeous the way you are,” I said. “You don’t need to go messing with your features.”

“Aww, H.” Cassie lowered her compact and smiled over at me. “You really think I’m gorgeous?”

I knew Cassie only wanted me to repeat my compliment to help further inflate her ego, but I went along with it anyway. “Yep. And you don’t need surgery to enhance anything.”

“You’re so nice to me,” Cassie said, tucking her compact back into her pocket. “Actually, I think it’s about time I did something nice for you.”

I couldn’t help feeling suddenly wary. “Uh, it’s fine. Friends are supposed to be nice to each other.”

“Exactly.” Cassie nodded. “I feel bad because you’re always the one dishing out advice and compliments.”

“Really, it’s okay,” I insisted, watching as Cassie got up and crossed the room. She stopped when she was standing in front of me.

“No, H. You’re not getting out of it that easily.” She rubbed her jaw in thought. “I know!”

I jolted at her enthusiastic tone.

“Why don’t we go out to a club tonight? I read online that ‘The Rooster’ is having a themed night. It would be so much fun!”

I shrunk back into the sofa. “Themed night?”

“Yeah.” Cassie nodded emphatically, her hair bouncing around her shoulders. “We don’t have to dress up though. It would just be a fun night.” She cocked an eyebrow at me. “You did say you wanted to have more fun.”

“I did, didn’t I?” I replied, sounding a lot less keen than Cassie.

“This is your chance to prove to Sonny that you’re fun,” she added. “I’m sure we’ll have a great time.”

“You think so?”

Cassie smiled. “Sonny will be impressed to hear that you went there. Isn’t that where they played a gig once?”

I nodded weakly. “Yeah, but still. Me? In a club?”

“Yes.” Cassie dropped into the seat next to me and her perfume filled my nose. “Think of it as the first step to leaving the serious Harriet behind.”

I just hoped she was right.
Last edited by xDudettex on Sun May 22, 2011 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

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Yoooooo! 8)

I think I may actually have to say that this is my favourite chapter so far. :D Awwesome job! I really loved your characters in this, especially Aiden. I love his name, so I may be a bit biased, but I genuinely think he's awesome. I feel like I'm getting to know him now, you know? I also really like how you've shown us Sonny some more. One thing that I was beginning to get a bit iffy about was the fact that we hadn't seen much of Sonny, so I'm glad you've brought him some more now. Basically, your character progression is going great! I'm also very excited to see what's going to happen in the club. Very intriguing!

I'm not sure if I really have any major critiques, to be honest. That's a good thing on your part though, I guess. It just makes me look a bit pooey. xD I'll see what I can come up with though, eh?

Okay, well the first thing I want to say is about the very beginning of the chapter. You start off by saying how Harriet felt free when she's dancing, how no one could tell her what to do e.t.c. What I think would actually work more effectively is if you kind of described it rather than just told us. Shown some more instead of told, I guess. At the moment, this is what you have:

I felt free when I was dancing. Like no-one could tell me what to do. I could interpret the music how I wanted to, without being told that I was doing it wrong, or I looked like a fool.


Obviously, this is entirely up to you--I mean, I hardly want to write your story, do I?--but I think you could make more out of this. Really show us how passionate H is about her dancing. Instead of just saying how it makes her feel, show it to us:

When I was dancing, I was free. Sometimes, I didn't even think. I just danced. Everything that surrounded me turned into an unimportant blur as I spun in the spot and any thoughts that were weighing down my mind, from the good to the bad, just vanished. There was only me and the fire blazing inside of my body. No one could tell me what to do now, no one could say I was doing anything wrong, and as I leaped into the air, I knew no one could say I looked like a fool. The music leaked into my ears, and I did whatever came into my open mind. I flicked my foot to the side, shutting my eyes for a brief few seconds. My breath was heavy, my entire body was drenched in sweat, my arms and legs were aching slightly, and I couldn't have thought of anything more perfect.

That's just a brief, on-the-spot example, so it's hardly perfect, but do you see what I mean? I'd love to see you starting this chapter off with a kick-ass descriptions that really starts it all off with a bang. Make sure you really show us why Harriet is so passionate about dancing, what it makes her feel like and how magical it all is. This is entirely up to you, obviously. You don't have to do this or anything, but I think you should definitely think about it. It would work well, methinks.

I think that's all I really have to say...! I seriously think you've done a great job here, and I think the next chapter will be even better! I'm weirdly excited. xD Your characters are awesome, and even though this novel isn't the most complicated and full of action kind of thing, you manage to steal my interest with every paragraph. You, rock! :D

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
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Hey there Anna!

Sorry it took me so long to get here. I read it from work but never got the time to reply.

So, as Skinsy said, this is by far my favourite chapter. I like Aiden. He's makes me smile. He's the kind of character whose always fun to write, then read about. Sonny I found was a little...Snobbish? High on himself? Too confident? Meh. Maybe I just want to like Aiden more haha.

I completely agree with Skins about the beginning description because, also, I don't recall her talking about dance much before. Then again, I read so many chapters that maybe I don't remember, but if dancing is her life, shouldn't it be mentioned/thought of more often?

What makes you passionate? Me? Reading, reviewing and writing. Not really in that order, but my point is that not a day goes by, not a conversation, that I don't at least hint at a book I've read, or a scene I've written. See what I mean?

Also, I would love to know more of why Aiden knows about her crush. I mean, do us it's obvious but, well, we're your awesome readers. Why is it so painfully obvious to Aiden? Does she blush, avoid eye-contact, trip over her own two feet? Does drool escape her mouth as she nears him? If he doesn't point out something, I'll just feel like perhaps someone told him and he's not really astute at all.

Other than that, this was really a great chapter. Hope it keeps up, it's a great read!

Keep using that keyboard!

Tanya :D




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Hi xDudettex! This whole twin thing is really creepy! I am sorry this took me so long to get to, but I am here now. It seems that each time I read a chapter I say that it is my favorite so far, but I really think you are improving with each chapter!

One thing I would like to ask you about before I review is the title. I noticed that you have labeled each chapter as having a working title. Why aren't you satisfied with 'Sometimes'? I actually really like it. The only thing I don't like about it is that I don't know exactly how it relates to the story. Besides that though, it did get me interested and it does seem to match your writing style.

I also want to talk about the first part with the dancing. I think it is fine how you tell us about the dancing, though it could sound good if you showed as well. But I actually don't remember you mentioning that she likes dancing before. If she loves it so much, you probably want to mention it in the beginning when we are starting to get to know her character for the first time. Just a sentence or two mentioning something dance related would do. You just don't want it to seem like you just came up with the fact that she likes to dance to make her seem more lively. You want to make it part of her characters.

I also want to know what kind of dance she is doing, and how she could be practicing a freestyle dance. :P

Speaking of characters that is one of the things I think you have improved a ton on. Your characters in this chapter are better than ever. I love how Aidan is developing and I think you have successfully made her character less 'boring'. I mean she wasn't boring, she was actually a very realistic character, you just didn't seem to have exactly what her character was under your thumb. Do you get what I mean? I am afraid I am not making any sense.

I also love how you are giving a bit more description. Yes, you do have way more speech than most authors still, but it didn't turn into a speech overload as much as the other chapters.

I guess all I have for this chapter is praise. But, besides for what skinsy and borntobe said I really don't have any advice.

I can't wait to read more!

A. S.




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Hello there, it's me again! :)

And I'm back with nitpicks. ;)
She was annoyed that I was missing the chance to hang out with Brandon but I texted her back saying that I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than pretend to be interested in the football game.

I think this should be in past since the rest is past... But texted is not exactly a verb is it? They should definitely put it in the dictionary. ;)
Aiden snickered under his breath. “I know your game.”

I'm not sure if this is another one of your British words or you didn't mean to write that? Anyways, I'm correcting it just in case. :)

Yay, Cassie seems a little bit more human! I'm joking, she was fine before. :) But I also think it's good that they had that conversation. Gives a little more depth to their friendship. I also like the fact that everyone is trying to help her. I think it's really sweet.
Looking forward to the next chapter!

PS: Sonny looks delicious... Just wanted to say. ;)

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
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