Mean Girls

Top to bottom, inside out,
Gold, bronzed skin,
and lipsticked mouth.

Who are you, I cannot see,
What this fakeness of heart,
is meant to be.

Are you underneath, the teased up hair,
Or behind the harsh,
And judging stare.

Where's the laugh,
The smile we knew,
The natural, more friendly you.

Top to bottom, inside out,
We've lost someone,
We cared about.

Hello Sak!

I like this. Everyone can relate to the experience of the teased-up pretty-and-perfect mean girl who's actually a person inside. The hardest thing is to see a friend turn from a friend to the person you're talking about in your poem.

The only critique I have is to take out the excess commas. They throw off the poem for me. I read poetry in my head so it flows, and the commas are choppy for me. This is a popular style of poetry, just not my style, so if you don't want to change them, don't.

I really like this. You caught the feeling.

~Erin

I think this poem is fantastic. Eventhought its short for me it has captured perfectly the image of the average teenage girls i see at school, Where they try and copy other people and try and be something or someone they are not, competely forgeting who they truely are. I think that people try to do this because they may feel insecure or embarraced about themselves and want to be someone els when really there is nothing wrong with them. I think that you did well when you tried to make your readers empathise with this "mean girl" and how she actually is just a normal, natural person not a fake copy cat by showing that you don`t have to be covered in false eye lashes, make up and fake tan to be beautiful all you need to do is be yourself.

Even though i dont understand it
i
love
it

I really like this.

It's quite an overated topic so I was kind of weary of reading it through. I was happily surprised. It wasn't amazingly new or different but it has that extra little something that really makes it for me.

The only stanza that I had a porblem with was,

Who are you, I cannot see,
What this fakeness of heart,
is meant to be.

Fakeness of heart really chops up the flow here and cuts the rhythm. I have two other options that might work;
- Who are you, I cannot see, what this change of heart, is meant to be.

OR

-Who are you, I cannot see, what this fakeness, is meant to be. I'm not really happy with this but I figure it's better then what you have.

That was the only verse that caught my eye. Other then that, you've got a real quirky rythme here and it's got a light funky touch to it, yet the topic is serious and sad.

I enjoyed the poem throughly and would buy it any day. You've got a real knack for this type of thing so I'd keep writing while inspiration has gripped you.

Good luck, I'm giving you a whopping big LIKE.

Keep writing,
Kagi xx

I kind of liked this. It's some thing a lot of people can relate to (unfortunately. I wish people didn't have to deal with things like watching a friend disappear, but that's beside the point). You did a good job of capturing it, although I would agree that this section's flow was a bit odd.

Who are you, I cannot see,
What this fakeness of heart,
is meant to be.

Are you underneath, the teased up hair,
Or behind the harsh,
And judging stare.

Also, I'm not certain, but this section might not need the commas after underneath and harsh.
Overall, though, good job.