The Devil Keeps

Spoiler

Please note this was a five second scribble and is NOT my best work

When I was a young girl,
I could never leave my house.
My window was my portal
to the world beyond my door.

I would ask my mama:
"Why can't I leave?"
She would clutch her bible.
"Because," she'd cluck,
"Outside is where the devil keeps."

I didn't understand
Why I could never leave.
I just wanted to play.
So I opened the door.

Outside I found no devil,
No monster after my soul.
My mama was wrong.
Outside is where angels keep.

Every day I snuck out
Into the outside world.
Each day I travelled
Even further from my door.

I ventured too far
Getting stuck outside.
Lost in a big strange world,
So full of devils

I'm so sorry mama,
I didn't believe you.
Now a devil's found me
And tears me to shreds.

Oh but mama, you WERE wrong
Outside is not
Where they keep
Under the floorboards
Is where the devil keeps me.

Hey spook. I liked this piece. The flow was a little dodgy though and the poem was a little disjointed in places. I didnt really 'get' what was going on. What are these devils - are they figuritive? Id like to know so PM me if u like. I don't think the reader really connects with a poem when they cant fully understand whats going on. My advice: keep imagery subtle and simple and dont overdo things. To improve this piece I would say you need to make the whole conept of idea more obvious. Other than that, your grammar was pretty good. You have made a few mistakes so I think you need to self-edit and read your poem through again. PM me or leave me a comment if you want a full nitpick. Keep writing!

-Amelia

Few grammar mistakes but it was very good. I would like to see you build on this and make the idea less subtle. Maybe you should build on the imagery. I really liked the imagery. I also liked the beginning too. I absolutely loved it. It was a great way to start it. The last lines were a little bleh and I'd work on it some. Add some punctuation and work on it more, but it's pretty sweet for a 5 minute thing.