Why Friend Fell

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Everyone says,
Pot is the best.
That pot is
Healthier,
Than the rest.

But I disagree
That’s just silly.
It doesn’t make you healthy,
It doesn’t make you cool.

I bet you don’t even know
What to do.

Do you know that pot screws up your brain,
It flips you and dips you till you feel insane.

We all have friends who,
Smoke pot.
We all have friends that mess up,
A lot.

One of my closest friends, she was really great.
Until one night she stayed up way too late.

Her friends pulled out a joint,
Each one of them took a puff.
They told my friend,
That they could see it in her eyes.
That she wanted to try some
That she wanted to get high.

She took hold of the joint and breathed in a deep breath.
This marked the beginning of one of life’s cruel tests.

With that first puff,
On that first night.

Friend took a scary and dangerous flight.
Down.
Down.
Down.

She turned into this monster that drank every night.
Stayed out too late.

With parents who didn’t care if she was there or anywhere.
A different person she had become.

Because of pot,
That people said was, “cool.”
“Yeah right.” I whisper as I watch friend drop out of school.

Friend lost the test,
That was created for her to beat the rest.
The rest of the drugs,
The rest of the beers,

I send my sympathy but it isn’t really sincere.
I wish you would have listened to me,
When I told you that pot wasn’t cool,

That it ruined your life,
That it made you a fool.

Now I wonder what you’re going to do.
Will you try other drugs?
And get addicted to those too?
Or will you die young, with your whole life ahead of you?
Your last dying thoughts would be why didn’t I listen to you?

So wherever you end up I hope you turn out okay,
That if by some miracle I see you walking on the sidewalk one day.

If I don’t though, which I probably won’t.
I’ll see you up high,
Somewhere in the deep blue of the sky.
Spoiler
I wrote this for a poem to read to my health class, but I thought it would be a good thing to share to everyone here on YWS. Thanks for reading, sorry if it was too long that's always one of my biggest challenges when writing poetry. Because you have so much to tell, thanks for reading!
Peace,
Snickerdooly :)
Last edited by snickerdooly on Sat Jun 11, 2011 3:56 am, edited 3 times in total.
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller




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Points 1022
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I curse you! You are one of the people who wrote something that made me cry. I guess it's because I am close to someone who does this stuff, and it makes me sad seeing them on this path. But on to the review.

The flow was nice and I did like the rhyme scheme. Some seemed forced, but I guess you can work on that. I also would work on your line breakage because it looks weird. (How I would do it:
Everyone says: Pot is the best,
[that] pot is way more healthier than the rest,
but I disagree.
That's just silly.
It doesn't make you healthy.
It doesn't make you cool.
Gosh, I bet you don't know what to do. [I'd get rid of this word: gosh]
Do you know that pot screws with your brain?
It flips you and dips you until you feel insane.)

That's all I can really do, (have school) but it is a really good poem. I love that you made it long. Longer poems rule! Good job and I hope this gets featured. It should because it's really good.

Anyway good job!
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.




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Hello! Just a quick review! I liked this poem. The message was very clear and presented well, and your use of language was excellent. I agree with everything said in the poem, however, I didn't like the title. The only reason I clicked on this was because it only had one review. This title doesn't aid your poem in any way and doesn't do this brilliant poem justice. Be more dramatic and use the theme of your poem to shape the title. Anyways, good work and *like*...
~ Amelia




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Points 1212
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Hey there, I really liked this poem. I think that it's my favorite of yours so far, at least out of the ones that I've seen. It flowed really nicely, but there is one point where I think the rhythm was a little bit off. Right here,
Now I wonder what you’re going to do.
Will you try other drugs?
Just that second line there, it seems to stand out a bit, and doesn't flow like the rest of the piece. It may just be me though.

Also, right here,
Your last dying thoughts would be why didn’t I listen to you?

I think you should put "Why didn't I listen to you?" in single quotes or italics, because it is a thought.

I love the ending! The last stanza is wonderfull, and it adds meaning to the poem. Fantastic!

Keep it up,

- Poem


Ope, I just saw that you changed the title. I think I may have liked the origional one better. Maybe you could change it to something like "Why you fell" instead of "friend"? Just a thought :)
"We played Pin the Tail on the Reason My Life Feels So Insufficient, and nobody won." -Megan Moriarty




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Wow, this was soaked with emotion! I really, really could feel the emotion, and I would have thought 'friend' actually existed if I hadn't read the spoiler. This was something I can relate to, as well, being related to some people similar to 'friend.'
I liked how this was set up - the way you divided stanzas and all really added to this. Not sure I understand the ending...? Why would you see her up in the sky? Anywho, as others have said, this is a very powerful, emotional poem. Your message is clear and understandable, not hard to read. I could see something like this getting printed in a magazine or whatnot, for people who want to represent why drugs, alcohol, etc are bad.
Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.



You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese