The Voice in my Head

I recently read these two books called Love That Dog and Hate That Cat. They were both in an interesting format, like a poem. So, I decided to try the format about the voice in my head.

There's a voice in my head
It moans
and groans
non stop.
Sometimes,
I wish it would
just
shut up
because
all it does
is complain
complain
complain.

It criticizes, whines,
yells and shouts.
It scolds me
All the time.
The one thing about it,
is that I wish
it wouldn't be
right.

Today,
it decided
to shout at me
cause I was tired.

It said that
it was tired too
that I shouldn't
complain
so much.

Yet, it was
whining!
What a big
fat
hypocrite that
voice of mine is.

Then,
when I wished
for
a new student
in the
abnormally, tiny
school
of mine

It berated
me
for wishing
such a
lame
thing
when there are
more
important
things, like
poor starving kids than
another kid in
that
abnormally tiny
school
of mine.

When I'm
playing the piano
or doing
something
that's not too
involved
in my
brain

It comes
and attacks
me
non
stop

It used to be
that I could
expect
and know
what that
annoying
rude
harsh
mean
voice of mine
in that head of mine.

I used to know
what its next
overly exaggerated
sarcastic
words would
be next.
But now, it has changed.
I can no
longer
predict, guess
what that voice
in my brain
will say
next.

How it annoys me!
I think
it has become
my new
pet
peeve.

How pesky! How obnoxious!
That voice is!
Perhaps,
someday,
it'll leave me.
But that,
is also a wish that
I know
will probably never
be fulfilled.

So, maybe
I'll just leave it alone
and maybe,
just maybe,
it'll leave me alone too

Hey there. Chibi here.
Let's start with a few nitpicks:

armstronge wrote:all it does
is complaining
complaining
complaining

^ should be complain.

Stanza 6 confused me a little, what do starving kids have anything to do with wanting a new kid in school?

Overall, your poem was good. I liked your topic, it was very relateable. However, I think most of lines were a little short. I think it might flow better if you lengthened your lines a little. A one or two word line sprinkled here and there is good for emphasis, but if you use it over again it makes it sound choppy. I'll rewrite stanza 9 to show you what I mean.

It used to be
that I could expect
what it had to say
but now,
I find it impossible
to know
what it's going
to say next

With a couple of adjustments, this poem could be turned into something really awesome. Good luck and happy writing!

I agree with chibi. A few lengthened lines would make the poem flow a lot better, and it is complain. I also think you should add a period at the end of a thought. It would clarify the end of a thought to the reader and know when to stop and take a breath. I liked it though, even if it was a bit cliche. I think it'd be more interesting in the poem with bits of YELLING (like that) and just the narrator going mad because of it. I don't think a voice would be a minor annoyance. I want to visualize the MC cringing when he/she hears it. I like it a lot, but I think you can develop it more. Good job though, and I do like the style.

Ciao my dear! It was truely a good read!