invisible

I may be in the front,
But I'm only a face in the crowd.
I may come in first,
But I'm still last.
I may have the best smile,
But its still the worse.
I may be pretty,
But through your eyes I'm ugly.
I may be in love,
But I'm still INVISIBLE.

helloo shy and wise person!!!
I will be your reviewer for today *nods*
This is a nice poem and even though it's short, there is a lot of emotion in it..I like it
It is really crappy when you love someone and tha someone just doesn't see you! It can be really frustrating and I think that everyone who experienced that can totally relate to this!

I may be in the front,
But I'm only a face in the crowd.
I may come in first,
But I'm still last.
I may have the best smile,
But its still the worse. uhh I think 'worse' should be 'worst'...but maybe that's just me XD
I may be pretty,
But through your eyes I'm ugly.
I may be in love,
But I'm still INVISIBLE. Love how you ended in caps, it has so much more emotions in it than if you would have ended it normally *nods*

My favorite lines in this poem are:

I may be in the front,
But I'm only a face in the crowd.

This is a really good description

really good write!! I enjoyed reading it and I hoped this helped a little..
-qaralynn-

Hey Shy, welcome to YWS! You should start reviewing around the site-- you'll get more reviews on your own work.

This is short and simple, and while that can sometimes be a good thing, I thought the simplicity of this poem made it somewhat uninteresting. You're taking on a topic that's been used millions of times before-- feeling invisible --and not presenting it in an altogether unique way. The ideas themselves are profound ("I may be in the front,
But I'm only a face in the crowd" especially) but since all you're doing is listing them one after the other, it's like skimming the surface of a pond with treasure at the bottom.

First of all, spice up your language. Frankly, there isn't an exciting or poetic word in this poem, which is your first issue! Poetry is language channeled through beauty. That means, no matter how awesome an idea might be, to make it poetic you have to make it interesting. Famous poet Richard Siken uses the line "eyes shinning like candy apples" while talking about a party scene. Isn't that much better than just saying "my eyes are bright"? It's the same kind of thing here. How can you demonstrate your narrator's loneliness and dejectedness with unique phrasing that really makes readers see, hear, think, and feel? What do "best" and "worst" smile mean, really? How does it feel to be so conflicted?

Anyway, best of luck, and PM me for anything!

~Evi

Hello there,

Firstly I would like to welcome you to young writers society. I hope you enjoy this website and that you have a great time getting to know us all.

This poem is simple and meaningful that for me creates a lot of imagery and generally uses a lot of amazing language. I couldn't find any grammatical errors in this. I found the description very basic and certainly something that could be built upon progressively. Overall it's a really great poem with an amazing meaning and purpose. The next step for this would be to organize the bulk of it clearly into stanza's and perhaps expand on this and add replace some of the basic words.

From CuteJackRussell

I like it
I like it alot