Young Writers Society

Moving south on a windy day,
Dangers mouth swirling astray,
My will is strong I will not go down,
Got to brighten my thoughts till I reach my town,
May be Iam flying to my death,
But i have no time to take a deep breath,
Many are the hurdles that I need to face,
I will pass them all for I have a dream to chase,
Dodging the strom like a wiskersized grass,
And come unscratched like a silvered glass,
Bruises and cuts may spoil my day,
But I would pocket the glory-my pay.

Hello Sudharsan!
I'm Allie, and I'll be your reviewer today!
My thoughts/comments are in red.

Moving south on a windy day,
Danger's mouth swirling astray, Danger's mouth can swirl? How about "Wandering astray"?
My will is strong, I will not go down,
Got to brighten my thoughts till I reach my town, Got to... (Shudder), What about "I've got to"?
May be Iam flying to my death,
But i(Capitalize) have no time to take a deep breath, Love these two lines.
Many are the hurdles that I need to face, This doesn't sound right for some reason, I don't know why.
I will pass them all, for I have a dream to chase,
Dodging the strom like a wisker Space sized grass,
And come unscratched like a silvered glass, A silvered glass... Glasses can't be silvered how about a polished glass?
Bruises and cuts may spoil my day,
But I would pocket the glory-my pay. This last line makes a little sense, but not much...

All in all, this poem was a little hard to understand. I can't decide on what it's about. Birds or souls... No idea. Maybe I'm just oblivious...
I hope my review helped!





~Allie Rose~

Hey Sudharsan!

So, I'm assuming you're from India with that user name. ^^ Well, I'm not much of a poet, but I do try poetry.
The only thing I didn't like about the poem was that you seemed to force the rhyme. Rhyme, when it comes naturally sounds beautiful. And, human minds tend to enjoy rhymes, but you need to build the poem so it doesn't sound like you picked words that rhymed and then built the poem around it.
I find rhyming very difficult, and go for free verse a lot. But if you like to rhyme, go for it.

Have fun 'round here.
Cheers,
~Lava

Hi, I'm Taria and I'm going to review your poem to the best of my abilities ^^
Lava pointed out that you might be from india, I'm from iceland so english isn't my first language so I might not be the biggest help when it comes to things spelling, but I'll do my best ^^

Moving south on a windy day,
Dangers mouth swirling astray, this made me a bit confused
My will is strong I will not go down,
Got to brighten my thoughts till I reach my town,
May be Iam flying to my death,maybe I'm / I am
But i have no time to take a deep breath,
Many are the hurdles that I need to face, I like the point your trying to get across, but I would word it differently, maybe Many Hurdles I will face, but maybe thats just me ^^
I will pass them all for I have a dream to chase,I like this line^^
Dodging the strom like a wiskersized grass, can't find wiskersized any where in a dictionary
And come unscratched like a silvered glass,
Bruises and cuts may spoil my day,
But I would pocket the glory-my pay. This line is a little confusing, to me at least

If I get this poem correctly it is about the journey through life, correct me if I'm wrong ^^
I really like the idea and some of the points you are trying to get across. I especially like
"I will pass them all for I have a dream to chase"
It motivates you to never stop even if there are hindrances and I just like how the poem tells you never to give up in life.

I'm a fan of poems that rhyme. your poem is kind of forcing the rhyme, but then again so are many of mine.
My best advise is to visit this site: http://www.rhymezone.com/?loc=bar
there you can see all the rhymes to a word you want to use and the number of syllables.
and if you get stuck on a line just skip it and get back to it later.

Anyway generally a nice poem with a nice thought behind it.
Keep writing - that is the only way to get better ^^

I really like this lyric poem! It is so good! I know it has most likely taken you a very long time indeed to complete and form, but hey, it's great! If there is anyone who disagrees with me then they defiantly have some strange issue that is so unknown to society. Oh well! We will tell them what's right! By the way, this poem is Amazing!