Hoping For You

Alright everyone I really need you to critique this okay? I want to enter it in a contest that could be seen by someone very important to me so please just kind of tell me what you think I guess. Thank you

Sometimes I feel
As though
I could miss you
Like you were
Once upon a time
My best friend
An incredible sadness
Sweeps over me
And I don't even know you
But I want to
I will
It takes my breath away
Every time I think
How close I was to you
If I ran
So hard, so fast
I could have had you
If I met you
Nothing could take away
The high I would've had
From you
And my fingers
Ache to tangle through your curls
And my palms tingle
With the want
To bring your face
To mine
My arms reach out
To try and catch you
My body warms
My heart soars
My smile brightens
At just the thought of you
We would be perfect
You're perfect to me
I'm in love
With the idea
Of who I believe
That you are
All I hope is that
I could be good enough for you

Hm. I'm not sure what I think of this. I mean, I did enjoy reading it, and it does hold something, but it also lacks a few things.

Sometimes I feel
As though I would suggest changing this to, "As if."
I could miss you
Like you were
Once upon a time
My best friend
Like a child
Misses their blanket This line seems almost as if you plagiarized from Fergie's, Big Girls Don't Cry. I'd suggest taking it out all together.
An incredible sadness
Sweeps over me
And I don't even know you
But I want to I love these last few lines.
I will
It takes my breath away
Every time I think
How close I was to you
If I ran
So hard, so fast
I could have had you
If I met you
Nothing could take away
The high I would've had
From you
And my fingers
Ache to tangle through your curls
And my palms tingle
With the want
To bring your face
To mine
My arms reach out
To try and catch you
My body warms
My heart soars
My smile brightens
At just the thought of you I really like these lines.
We would be perfect
You're perfect to me
I'm in love
With the idea
Of who I believe
That you are I like that you added the idea of who I believe you are. Its like, he might not be all of what she thinks, which will be disappointing, but I don't think you could be in love with the actual person if you don't associate with them.
All I hope is that
I could be good enough for you

Awesome job.

Your poem was really great to read but I had a hard time understanding what the poem really means. It does holds something really special but lack deeper feeling. To put this poem at the top, you might wanna dig a little deeper for the want feeling you have. But overall this was really good, hope to see more ;D.

Awsome poem I enjoyed reading it. keep writing

Hey sorry it has taken so long to review this but I'm finally here!

Ok I really did like this. I think I got your meaning and, sad as it may seem, I can relate.
This is a very nice poem. However, there is something I would like to point out.

And I don't even know you
But I want to
I will

I think the "I will" doesn't completely fit and upsets the flow.

It takes my breath away
Every time I think
How close I was to you
If I ran
So hard, so fast
I could have had you
If I met you
Nothing could take away
The high I would've had
From you
And my fingers
Ache to tangle through your curls
And my palms tingle
With the want
To bring your face
To mine
My arms reach out
To try and catch you
My body warms
My heart soars
My smile brightens
At just the thought of you
We would be perfect
You're perfect to me

This is my favorite part. Probably because it's exactly how I'm feeling right now, but also because it just seems like it all...goes together. The flow is nice.

All I hope is that
I could be good enough for you

I also love this ending. It fits so amazingly.

Ok, so thank you SO MUCH for writing this because it is, literally, EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now. I really enjoyed reading this. Some of the above posts said that they didn't understand the meaning, but I think I got it The suggestion I made was just that- A suggestion. I am by no means a poetry expert and you probably know more about these things than me. So if you think I'm wrong, you're probably right and don't change it, ok?
Sorry for this pretty much meaningless review, but I really did enjoy this poem. I want to read more of your work, so let me know when you post things please!
Keep on writing!

~Ktg

Okay, so it was good of you to inform us that you're thinking of entering this piece in a contest. That said, I shall be as honest as I can be. I really don't have problems with it, it's simple poem that goes direct to the point, as with most of today's free verse poems are. I commend you for keeping it simple and not making it too verbose, as some writers might do with this form of poetry. However, I must admit, the poem did seem like a loose compilation of love song lyrics, and makes this quite a hackneyed style. The flow is good, it rolls of the tongue easily, but the fluctuations in the syllables can be too great, good thing there wasn't an instance of such in your poem. I suggest using words more eloquently, or being more creative on capitalizing on this form's rhythmic freedom. Just like how you did here....

And my fingers
Ache to tangle through your curls
And my palms tingle

The alliteration is superb, and this is a good example of eloquent rhythm. Really impressed.

Overall, it really isn't a bad idea to use simpler words and be straight to what you want to convey, but sometimes, the simplicity gives the poem a predictable, almost repetitive, feel. It's not always about the words, it's about how you use them.

I love this, it's beautiful and poetic and just perfect. I know your probably like, my poetry perfect. But that's it, its simply put, with no dramatic big words to impress anyone. It's straight from your heart to the ink or led ,to the paper, and now to YWS.You did a really good job on this, keep writing!!!!!