Deleted for Family

Sorry<3

OMG...THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

Agreed. Though, I would change ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is a poetic masterpiece. If you change it, I will gasp in terror, faint, ad then get back up so I could scold you, then collapse from over-deprivation. Keep it hon. really. For her.

Yeah. I love it but if I do change, it will mostly be grammar. She meant a lot and she was amazing with her writing, in my opinion...I really miss her but her poetry keeps me going on since I know she would want me to write. I hope she likes it and hope she forgives me for fixing her horrific spelling XD. She will always be in my heart...

Hello. I'll get straight to the point.

My thoughts in a mess,

Sounds a bit awkward. Maybe replace in with are?

Deep in my soul, I feel dread.
Dread of what's to come.

It doesn't seem like there should be a period at the end of the first line--too fragment-y. (XD) Maybe a comma or a hyphen.

I know I should listen.
Yet, all I want is to watch you.

Same with this period.

It is not that I don't trust,
I do trust you, sister.

Hmmm.... seems like there should be a you followed by a hyphen on the end of this first line.

Its drifting us apart.

This is saying "It is drifting us apart", so "its" should have an apostrophe there.

The moon calls again;
this time I know,
It wanted you, not me.

....I don't know. Seems as though there should be punctuation more definitive than commas and semicolons here. XD I'm sorry. I don't know on this one.

The moon's calling,
finally begins to skip,

I don't think that first apostrophe should be there, but it could be read in a different way than I'm reading it. I don't know.

...this seems like your sister either had the ability to see at least a little bit of the future, or that she came to a moment of truth.

Either way, it's a good poem.

HOLY SCHMACKAROONS! O.o Seriously! I usually start my review with a greeting, but your poem just took my breath away!

Anyway, I've got two nitpicks for you:

Deep in my soul, I feel dread,
Dread of what's to come.

- The use of the word 'dread' is fine, but I think it's more emotional to use 'dreadful'. You can just ignore this nitpick though. It's not really a big thing.

a persistent beckon into its domain.

- The wording is nice here , but 'beckon', according to the dictionary, isn't a noun.


*breathes deeply* This poem is really awesome. The emotion is so beautifully laid out. The wording is simple but great. And the story is just epic. I can't say anything more! *ehem* Anyway, it reminded me of 'The Erl King' by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, so cold and evil! I just wonder why the twin died. Was it because of a sickness, a nightmare, or something else? o.o Now, I think it's more because of a nightmare.

The title is nice by the way. And you really did an amazing job on this poem!

Never stop writing!

EDIT: Oh, right! It's your sister's! Sorry. xD She did great!

Chica, this poem turned me into an empath. Just reading it for the first time made me feel your pain. I know how it feels to lose someone close to you. I lost a grandfather back at 2001. Don't change the poem, chica. This poem is beautiful and it lets me feel how it is to lose a sibling. It touched my heart and always all, forever.

This is so good that it’s extremely hard for me to believe that an eight year old wrote it. The punctuation and rhythm are pretty much flawless, and I don’t think that a single thing needs editing. It’s amazing, really. I’m really glad I read it.
I wouldn’t edit it out if it’s what she wrote, but the comparison to a scratched CD didn’t seem to fit and kind of confused me. Also, the poem seems to end somewhat abruptly.
But like I said, if your sister wrote this at eight, or younger, than this is pretty much a masterpiece. Thanks so much for sharing

Oh, my sweet baby Jesus. This poem was just fantastic! It almost made me cry.. (which is VERY hard to do). Don't change a THING, because it's amazing the way it is! :3

Oh.... My..... God...... it was great. I read the spoiler afterwards and that made it even more harrowing. I loved it, it was great. I feel sooo bad that you lost your twin sister, and its so impressive that she was writing at age 8. Keep Writing!

I love it, and I'm not just saying that. It is really good.

Very nice!I sometimes feel like that.