I Will

Fine for a minute,
Pushed down again.
Slightly better for an hour,
Knocked back again.
Happy for a day,
And slammed to the floor.
But to just be myself,
I will rise again for more.

Hello, Dreamsingray! I am MilkNCookies, but you can call me Milk. And I will be reviewing your fine, short piece today.

dreamsingray wrote:Fine for a minute,
Pushed down again. I would consider making the . a ;
Slightly better for an hour,
Knocked back againonce more. Overuse of the word again
Happy for a day,
And slammed to the floor.
But to just be myself,
I will rise again for more.

I can't give you a full, in-depth review on a piece this short. But I'll do what I can.

What I liked:
-The Topic. It's very important to rise above everyone's criticism and just be yourself, no matter who is watching. I feel like you nailed the topic, staying straight-forward, never swaying.
-Grammar. Your grammar was impeccable, though I had two optional changes.

What was okay:
-Word Choice.Other than the word 'again', you changer it around and didn't use many words twice or start each sentence the same way.
-Time Theme. It got the point across, but could have been a tad better
-Rhyme Scheme You rhymed with in the end, but not in the beginning.

What wasn't so hot:
-Length. A piece as short as this one can't be admired to the extent it deserves.

MilkNCookies gave you a wonderful review, dreams, and pointed out literally, like, everything that I had planned to point out as well. But I do want to touch on the length a little bit further since that was going to be my main focus anyways.

You are working with a very short poem. That means that you really have to focus on word choice because you’re only working with thirty-five words. That’s definitely not a lot and that means that utilizing each, making each one perfect, is key to having a successful poem. For instance, where MilkNCookies pointed out the repetition of “again.” You have to watch out for repetition that could spoil a line because one line is such a huge part of the piece as a whole. You did pretty good but I definitely think you could have chosen some adjectives with just a bit more ummph!

Otherwise, I think the theme was very well executed which was really the most important part of a poem this small.

I suppose I should have also said hello! Anyways, welcome to the site and I hope that your time here is as enjoyable for you as it has been for me and if you have any questions, feel free to send me a message or drop a line on my wall!

Short poems are my favorite. Especially ones like this. They're short, sweet, to the point. You don't have to waist your time reading a long poem that would essentially say the same thing. This poem was really good and even for the length, relatable. I feel like you expressed a lot of really good emotions through this poem.

Fine for a minute,
But Pushed down again.
Slightly better for an hour,
Knocked back word other than again again.
Happy for a day,
And slammed word needed to the floor.
But to just be myself,
I will rise again for more.

This poem could be a bit longer and express a lot of other feelings as well. Over all though, great, keep writing kid!

Alright so, because this is a short poem, I'm going to have to give a rather short review xD. So hopefully you don't mind the inadequecy of this critique!

What I usually do in my reviews is start of with a compliment, and although I feel that I would be going against others in saying this, I generally liked the fact that this was short.

On that note, I want to say that its admirable in more ways than one when a writer can get their point across in fifty words or less. In fact, I think its something that should be celebrated, for poetry, in itself, is often a way of using colour and imagery to put forth a story in a shorter, more delicate space. You showed me that you are capable of putting something forth in a relatively small amount of space. Thats not something to laugh about!

What I will say, though, is that with limited space, one must get that imagery across effortlessly. Here we have something rather straightforward. Theres no colour. Theres no poetic device. Its almost like a pump-up speech instead of actual poetry, which can defeat the purpose of the poem in itself.

I want you to try and give this a tone that shows you are letting the gears turn. Not just a little bit that could have been written in five minutes or less. Show us why this poem, of all poems, has the right to be so very short. if you can do that then my hats off to you as a poet. Till then, maybe work with a little more stanzas and a lot more poetic device.

~Walker

It is amazing but I just have a few problems with it. I feel like there should be more. I think that it sounds like the beginning to a longer poem. The poem is emotion but I am not quite sure what that emotion is or even what it is about. I think that you are a good writer and you will continue getting better as you go along.Over all good job keep writing and keep on dreaming.