Personal Portal to Paradise

Portals.
Wide and open to nobody but me, it seems.
Oceans of memories, waterfalls, a gateway to my dreams.
Within the abyss of glory I find myself sinking within it's power;
At times I dwindle for a moment and felt it more like an hour.

Windows.
To a place of magic, mystery and glee!
A sanctuary of beauty far beyond what Gods can see
Where everything I love and fear to lose hides in one blink;
I cannot help but to feel my heart will sink.

Heaven.
A vast world full of color and feeling..no place but here may they exist.
I sing aloud, and join the clouds. And fly into their mist.
I threw myself within, no need to welcome me or beckon.
Since such a paradise lives only for a second.

"..Nathan?"
You'll call my name and shout it loud, but I won't hear a word.
This sight.. this vision of perfection that you'd otherwise call absurd.
But when they close, a vicious coup de grâce; to me it's no surprise.
You plucked my forehead again, because I kept staring into your eyes.





-4.5.10

I liked it but watch your tenses!

At times I dwindle for a moment and felt it more like an hour.

Dwindle is present tense en felt is past tense..

I sing aloud, and join the clouds. And fly into their mist.
I threw myself within, no need to welcome me or beckon.

Again sing is present and threw is past.

You plucked my forehead again, because I kept staring into your eyes.

Most of your poem is in present tense and here you revert back to past.. And what does "plucked my forehead" mean exactly?

Hope this helped :]

~ Vari

I really enjoyed this poem
It was really well-written and had a good concept. You had some really nice descriptive words and imagery in here. I agree with what Vari said about the tenses. You have to make sure it is consistant throughout. I think this does sound best in present tense, but it is up to you. I also think that you should add a comma or break up this line:

Where everything I love and fear to lose, hides in one blink;

The two ideas seem to run into eachother (if that makes sense?)

Anyways, overall I think you have a really good poem here.

Wowowweewow! I did mess up the senses Dx Good point! I should be more precautions with this, Thanks! And when I say pluck forehead, I mean like. Flick, with a finger. Silentwoods, I usually use more commas. But I tend to use too many, at times, I need to be more through with my words! But thanks for spotting all this! Aside from that, I'm very glad you enjoyed my poem <3

I really like this poem it has a good rythem
I like how its simple and it rhymes
plus good use of grammer.
I also really like the magic feeling you can feel
as if it was story book beyond wonders.
But you can really feel the passion you put in this poem.

Excellent Job

-sgppoetry ,keep writing