On the edge of Time

I wrote this a long time ago and just found it, pleaaaasssseee comment and tell me how to improve it. : )

On the edge of time
The world fell into an interminable winter
I collapsed with it

Became as emotionless as the still grey sky
As quiet as the cold winds slipping through the dead trees
Just before I was lost forever

a pulsing heat radiated through me
A spirit that is as old as a guiding star
Yet as new as a small baby

It moved and grew
Wiggling through my fingers
Animating my toes

Lifeless eyes are filled with all of the possibilities of this
Dead and forgotten world
Then with a newfound vigor

I slowly lifted my fragile body off of the ground
And stood up
Hope for a new generation

Mistakes corrected
Animosity forgotten
Life begun

Your poem here has some very outstanding imagery.

The world fell into an interminable winter
A spirit that is as old as a guiding star
a pulsing heat radiated through me

Those three lines add a lot of deep to your poem. I really love them.
But then you have lines like,

Yet as new as a small baby
As quiet as the cold winds slipping through the dead trees Dead and forgotten world

That I feel are good lines, but not as powerful as the other three. There is nothing wrong with them, but I know you can do better because I've seen you do better:).

I really enjoyed this poem, I hope you rekindled you writing. I'd love to see more from you!
And by the way I really love your signature quote. My mother used to have that quote written on a sticky note on her bathroom mirror when I was a kid. She read it everyday, and I would go into her bathroom to brush my teeth or anything like that just to read it too.

Hello there,

This poem as a whole was very satisfying for the reader and I especially liked the amount of vivid imagery that you had created within this poem I found it really incredible and I have no criticism with that aspect of this. I also thought this was a really good length that sustained your attention until the very end. But I would recommend altering the layout of this by perhaps, dividing the main body of this into stanzas or if that proves too difficult you could just lengthen and chop the lines until they are all the same length, either of those methods would just help to increase the flow in this. Apart from that I found it amazing and it took me a long time to actually find something I could give you to actually make this poem better because this already is really amazing! Keep up the incredible writing and I hope to read more of your poems.

From Cute Jack Russell

Is it okay to split stanzas up by threes, because when I looked the poem over I kept wanting to make them two lines long because after two lines the poem will change direction again. So all even or all random lengths?

Wow. I loved it! The only thing that I found odd was the form on the word "began" in the last line. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think it fits very well. You could try changing it to "had begun", or "was beginning" or something. I don't know, it's up to you. Keep it if you'd like. Over all it was amazing. You are a really good poet.

-Kels

I liked this; it almost seemed metaphoric to me. Okay, here we go for the full review! My comments will be blue.

On the edge of time
The world fell into an interminable winter
I collapsed with it<-Good beginning.

Became as emotionless as the still grey sky
As quiet as the cold winds slipping through the dead trees
Just before I was lost forever<- This was good imagery, I thought anyway.

A pulsing heat radiated through me
A spirit that is as old as a guiding star
Yet as new as a small babyThis stanza seemed sort of... intense, I guess, until the last line. It didn't fit with what was going on, in my opinion.

It moved and grew
Wiggling through my fingers
Animating my toes<- This stanza= fun and good

Lifeless eyes are filled with all of the possibilities of this<- You switched from past to present tense here for no apparent reason; be careful to make your changes make sense! (Did that make any sense?)
Dead and forgotten world
Then with a newfound vigor

I slowly lifted my fragile body off of the ground
And stood up
Hope for a new generation<- I love this, along with...

Mistakes corrected
Animosity forgotten
Life begun<-... the ending! The last 2 stanzas were very good. Great way to finish.

I enjoyed this poem. It was thought provoking and interesting. Good work!