If life were so simple,
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay ?
As if my attiude
define who I was.

But I know there only
one judge,one opinion,
that I care about the most,
he lives above,beyond the sky.
Who is this guy? he GOD.

Hey there, poetry. I'm here to review... obviously. xD Okay, the fact that the font's color is orange distracts the reader and it won't let him/her want to read the poem, plus it's rather unprofessional. Overall, it's pretty good.

Now some nitpicks:

sgppoetry wrote:The golden stars are what makes me smile on the darkest nights,
as if I just knew, everything would be alright ,
and the painless shadows went away ,
as if it shine brighter each and every day.

Okay, the first comma in blue should be removed, I think. The comma in red should be a period, therefore the "A" on the next word should be a capital letter.

sgppoetry wrote:The brutal years were over,
as if it was just washed away,
but steel hatred still stands,
as if he was a fearless man.

Same here, I think it should be a period.

sgppoetry wrote:But the cold bitter weeks, seem to stay ,
as if it was stalking me in every single way,
but my happiness never walked away,

The comma in blue should be removed. The comma in red should be a period. xD

sgppoetry wrote:as if I were bold man ,
who would never stay the same,
because i finally made a honest change.

I would replace the first comma with this: -
And remember that "I" should be capital.

~Solvy <3

comments

The golden stars are what makes me smile on the darkest nights, I feel like this line was too long in comparison. Try to shorten it. How about: Golden stars make me smile on the darkest nights ?
as if I just knew, everything would be alright ,
and the painless shadows went away ,
as if it shine brighter each and every day. This line doesn't make much sense. As if it shine brighter? What? As if it shines, is that what you meant? It's a bit confusing, because you just mentioned shadows and are now saying they shine every day. Shadows =/= light. Or do you mean the stars? Might want to clarify somehow.

The brutal years were over,
as if it was just washed away,
but steel hatred still stands,
as if he was a fearless man. This stanza feels like it does and yet doesn't fit. I don't understand the last two sentences. The first two make sense, but I would suggest revising quite a bit.

But the cold bitter weeks, seem to stay ,
as if it was stalking me in every single way, I laughed at this line. xD Not in a bad way. Just the idea of weeks stalking you... ?
but my happiness never walked away,
as if I were bold man , You broke your rhyme scheme! D: It doesn't work with the rhyme scheme broken...
who would never stay the same,
because i finally made a honest change Liked this line.

Now, this is pretty well written and I do like it, but I think you need to revise it quite a bit to make it less confusing. That or extend it... either way, you did a pretty good job.

I like this poem. It's really good. In the last stanza, you changed the rhyming pattern, which didn't quite fit. Apart from that, it is great. Keep writing!

helloo sgppoetry!
I'll be reviewing this for you today! XD I want to begin with saying that I like your write. I especially love the end, because His opinion really is the only thing that matters.
A few nitpicks:

If life were so simple, I think it would sound better if you changed this sentence into: If life was so simple, but maybe that's just me
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay ?
As if my attiude attiude should be "attitude"
define who I was. define should be defines or defined

But I know there only there should be "there's"
one judge,one opinion,
that I care about the most,
he lives above,beyond the sky. he should be "He"
Who is this guy? he GOD. He's GOD.

Other than these little things: nice write!! Just fix it and it'll be an even greater poem XD
I really enjoyed reading this and I hoped this helped a little
Keep writing!
-qaralynn-

If life were so simple,
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay?
As if my attitude
defined who I was.

But I know there was only I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
one judge,one opinion, There should be a space between the comma and 'one'.
that I care about the most,
he lives above,beyond the sky. There should be a space between the comma and 'beyond'
Who is this guy? Hhe is GOD.

Hope this helped,
Sierra

Interesting poem.

I think that you should definetly go through and revise the whole thing because you got a couple of grammatical and spelling errors.
Also, it doesn't flow very well, and there's not too much emotion. So maybe you should try and work on that too?

Keep writing,
Alzora

sgppoetry wrote:If life were so simple,
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay?
As if my attiude
define who I was. "As if my attitude defines who I am."

But I know there only
one judge, one opinion,
that I care about the most.
He lives above, beyond the sky.
Who is this guy? he GOD. "he GOD"? I believe you mean "He's God." See, caps don't make this seem any more powerful, but if you really want the emphasis, put it in italics.

I didn't feel this poem. At all. It's not even the bare bones of a poem, it's, "Only God can judge me." End of story. It's not even enough of an idea to write a poem from. You could go on, make it longer, maybe more poetic, but more than anything else, try to lengthen the overall concept, and add more emotion. Hope I helped!

>>Annie<<

Evenin’, sgp. Haven’t read any other reviews, so if I repeat what they say, then I apologize.

I’m not too fond of this piece for a handful of reasons. First of all, it feels like the tail end of a larger poem—one that could house more than just one thematic element. In fact, this didn’t do much justice to your talent, and I want to see this shine a bit more. I do suggest enlarging and refocusing your topic, and give a bit of anecdotal reasoning behind your claim here that God is the only judge. Give me, the reader, a reason to care, and give it swiftly.

Your grammar and punctuation is pretty shoddy, and that needs repairing. You seem to demonstrate a confusion as to spacing around punctuation, as well as a confusion of subject-verb agreement. These are easy concepts to grasp, though, so I’m not all too worried. To give you a quick repair:

If life were so simple,
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay?
As if my attitude
defines who I am.

But I know there’s only
one judge, one opinion,
that I care about most:
Hhe lives above, beyond the sky.
Who is this guy? He is God.

Two points of annoyance here that I really want you to mop up:

1. “Continue to stay” This is redundant, as if something stays, it continually does so until it no longer stays. Continuing to stay is just staying, so I want you to wipe out “Continuing”.
2. “One opinon that I care about most” This is a duh statement as “most” is a superlative adverb. You can only care about one thing most, and you don’t need to state it because it’s grammatically understood. Wipe it up and try again.

All in all, this needs much work, but I’m sure you can handle it. Don’t let me down, and let me know if you have any questions.

-Lumi