Withering Beauty

Once a glorious flower
The red rose withers
Its petals falling
Like leaves in autumn

Once a tall proud stem
Is now stooped and shriveled
Glossy emerald green now brown
Fragile and limp, clinging to fading life

Once silky bright petals
Are a thing of the past
Fiery red faded to sickly brown
Falling to the ground in an array

Though perfect to look at it
The rose is a fleeting beauty
Doomed to wither and fade
As all beautiful things will with time

I like the way you stated this. It's true, that everything beautiful fades or dies. One pointer though; maybe try for some more descriptive words, when describing colour and things like that. But this was really good. Keep writing.

Interesting.
I like the structure you created. Disagree with the previous review - I enjoyed the simplicity of your language.
The title, though, is a bit too direct and cliché for my tastes. Overall, nice job - keep writing!

Good poem! Loved every bit! The only things I would change, instead of array, I would say disarray, it sounds a bit more despairing, and you used brown twice, which isn't a bad thing, but when I read it, it sounded funny. That's just my opinion though! Keep up the great work!

Gah.

Beautemous.

........I normally like reviewing pieces with fewer reviews because they need it more, but.........

Bleh. This is just that good.

.......I wish I had nitpicks.

Also........... I am SO glad you're on my team. For reals.

Hey Lil! Here as requested!

First thing's first - I honestly really quite liked this piece. xD You were telling the truth when you said that you were getting better at poetry! So, I'm going to try very hard to find a nitpick or two here - forgive me if this is a bit brief.

Okay... *looks*

Ah, found one.

Like leaves in autumn

This isn't drop-dead awful or anything, but I'm looking for nitpicks and this is something I noticed, SO. As a general rule, this line is a bit on the cliche side. Everything that falls seems to have the same description - "Like leaves in the fall/autumn" or "Like autumn leaves..." I would revise this line - show me something awesome and new. I know you have it in you.

Okay, and since I can't find anything else, I'll say this:

The poem was sweet, but quite honestly, it was a bit... boring? It's a bit of a twist on the subject, yes, but it is a very used topic. In other words, you need to find a way to hook your readers, make them really want to read more for a reason other than 'it sounds pretty.' Oh wow, did that make sense? I hope it did. So now you're probably like, "Yeah, Ish, that's great - what the heck do I do with this piece of advice?" My answer to that?

I have no idea. It's your poem, so it's up to you to find a way to really hook your reader, find a way to draw them in. Usually, first lines are good for this. In a poem, a strong first line is often all your reader needs to be hooked. But, if your first line is something awesome and amazing, the rest of your poem needs to live up to the expectations that the fist line created. At the same time, you don't want to overdo it and make it wordy...

Yeah, that's all I got there. oo" *feels useless*

Anyways, it was a very sweet poem overall, if not a bit dull. xD

Keep writing,
~~Ish.

bluewaterlily wrote:Once a glorious flower
The red rose withers Red is a bit generic. Maybe crimson? Scarlett?
Its petals falling
Like leaves in autumn Great first stanza.

Once a tall proud stem
Is now stooped and shriveled Doesn't quite make sense, try taking out the is.
Glossy emerald green now brown
Fragile and limp, clinging to fading life Brilliant!/color]

Once silky bright petals
Are a thing of the past [color=#00BF00]Again, doesn't quite make sense. In this try removing "once."
Fiery red faded to sickly brown
Falling to the ground in an array

Though perfect to look at it
The rose is a fleeting beauty Very true.
Doomed to wither and fade
As all beautiful things will with timeSpectacular ending.

Overall, this is a very good poem; your vocabulary and phrasing in particular. One thing you might want to improve on is making sure that some lines make sense. Try writing it out in prose, and seeing if it looks right (if you know what I mean.)

Okay, I agree with bits and pieces of both Isha and Skorpionne; here is my full review (in blue)- I'll do general comments after.

Once a glorious flower,
The red rose withersI agree with Skorpionne; try "scarlet" or even "blood" or... something
Its petals falling
Like leaves in autumnI liked this stanza

Once a tall proud stem
It (maybe- this just didn't make great sense)Is now stooped and shriveled
Glossy emerald green now brown
Fragile and limp, clinging to fading lifeLove the last 2 lines!

Once silky bright petals
Are now (possibly)a thing of the past
Fiery red faded to sickly brown
Falling to the ground in an arrayArray doesn't sound very... deep to me. Try a different word?

Though perfect to look at it
The rose is a fleeting beauty
Doomed to wither and fade
As all beautiful things will with timeGood ending

Despite my nitpicks, I enjoyed this poem. I liked the message, and the symbolism was good. The words were sort of simple, but I thought it was a nice touch for this p

A perfect example of what a poem should look and sound like! Perfect use of words, perfect describing. I especially like the last part:
Though perfect to look at
Th rose is a fleeting beauty
Doomed to whither and fade
As all beautiful things will in time

So true and dramatic; perfect!

Heeeeeey SWOOSHY!!! <3333
I was wandering through the forums and saw this! So I totally came to check it out, because I was vewwy curious XD And I really liked so I'm going to try and give you a kind of helpful review...But since the others already took care of the criticism..I'm just going to tell you WHY I liked it XD (never really been good at criticism anyway)
But as you know...my reviews are pretty crappy ones so don't expect too much XD
Okay so I really liked this. It is simple yet pretty straight to the point. And your message came through (which I find pretty depressing btw XD "Everyone ends up ugly..nothing you can do about it" looool jk <33) Okay so I liked the words you used to describe this all and I enjoyed reading this. I liked the little details in it.

Okay that was all I had to say XD My brain has died..once again. So that might explain why this isn't very helpful.
*grins innocently and throws chocolate at tatay to make her forget*

Loffle you and keep writing!! <33333333333333333333333333333
-qaralynn-