To My Stalker

Spoiler

Cheerfully dedicated to my clueless, annoying stalker. Though 100 times more harmless than the one in the poem, I'll still gladly kick his butt any day. I know I'm going to need a lot of help with the grammar, because this is my first poem (yeah!) on YWS, and I'm still uncertain where periods and commas go and such. Thank you.

Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree.

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand.

Peer through my windows
all the night.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
to sometimes hear
your heavy breathing
oh so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
No one's around
to make it stop.

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I get to sleep.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight.
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

Spoiler

Yep, I'm definately going to need some help with this. Reviews, please!

Great poem, creepy.. but still very good! The rhymning and story are both great (:

Here are some suggestions/corrections:

Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree.

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand.

Try to rephrase this stanza. The first line needs another word or two, and "collect my hair, you have a strand", doesn't really make sense. I understand what you are trying to say, but just word it diferently.

Peering through my windows
all through the night.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
and sometimes hear
your heavy breathing
oh so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
Butno one's around
to make it stop.

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I get to sleep.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight.
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

These are only suggestions, so take them as you like. Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work!

This is awesome. Creepy, yes, but very legit. Silentwords already sniffed out everything I could find. The rhyming was excellent! It has a great rhythm. You may consider capatalizing each line to make the poem look uniform and official and stuff like that, but that's easily done. Oh, and I know that you've talked to people to try and stop this already, but remember that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Great poem and keep writing!!

HA! This was utterly humorous. I mean, okay, stalkers aren't exactly funny business, but the very last stanza:

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

It made me smile so wide! I'm no poet, so if there was any editorial work to be done here, I honestly couldn't point it out to you, sorry. BUT, I can say that this piece is enjoyable to a novice like myself. Keep writing.

~Panda;;

I loved this, MOIMOW. The rhyming was pretty good overall, and any mistakes I found were already pointed out to you by the first reviewer. I loved the last stanza, too.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

Absolute favorite line. Great job!!

Omg. I know how that feels....ive had some stalkers...not gonna get into the specifics. But I did like the rhyming and it made me laugh, especially at the end.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

This line was totally epic!! I loved it!! Great job with the poem. Keep Writing!!! XD

Heyy! I have some edits for you.

Blue = comments
Red = edits

Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree.

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand. --> This part read really funky to me. Maybe try to reword it.

Peer through my windows
all throughthe night. --> through should be added.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
to sometimes hear --> to should be changed to and
your heavy breathing
oh so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
No one's around
to make it stop. --> Nice!

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I get to sleep.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin. --> What sin? Explain more! Tell us what the sin is.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight. --> Get rid of and
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night.

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

I enjoyed this poem, although it is kind of creepy! It needs a few edits, but other then that good job! :]
-Jessa

......DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING! XD

Seriously, you can take the suggestions before me, but I think the poem's fine without them. You made something very scary very humorous.

Sorry bout the stalker.

Woot! Woot! Looooovvveee it! Great for your first poem on YWS, mine was lousy and probably had something to do with peanut butter. Anyway, deleted it a long time ago, but this is ggggrrrreeeeeaaaatttttt!!!!!
Keep writing!

Thanks so much, everyone! You guys make my day! I'll consider what everyone's said. Please, keep commenting!

Ahaa this did make me chuckle. It had a certain bounce to it, a fast paced rhythm which made it enjoyable to read.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to take
your dirty sin.

That bit ^^ made me realise that it wasn't something to laugh about and was actually quite creepy, but it's good. So keep writing! xXx

Lol. This was brilliant. I hope after practice I can be that good I loved it all!

Keep writing and good luck
JJxVoodo

Yay! Now I can say the same thing about your poem. It rhymes!!!! haha, don't you feel a sense of accomplishment after you get done with a poem or story? For me, it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders, that I've been thinking about for .....forever.

This is exactly how I also feel about the stalker:

Oh creepy stalker,
can't you see?
You freak people out,
so let us be!

Here are some suggestions that I'll make:

MOIMOW wrote:Stalker, stalker,
following me,
outside my house,
and in my tree. I know "tree" was put there to keep the rhyme, but, don't change it, I like it!

Binoculars
are in your hand.
Collect my hair,
you have a strand.Collect my hair, you have a strand--This might be worded wrong, try rephrasing it.

Peer through my windows
all throughthe night.
To watch me sleep,
to give me fright.

I get phone calls
to sometimes hear
your heavy breathing
oh so near.

I told the school.
I told a cop.
No one's aroundButno one's around
to make it stop.

I lock my doors,
and windows, too.
But I'm afraid
it won't stop you.

All through the night
you creep and crawl. I think I like this more than crawl and creep.
I don't know how
I sleep at all.

One night, I know,
you'll come right in,
prepared to do
your dirty sin. I don't think "take" is right here...maybe.."do" would be better, because he's doing the sin.

But I'm not weak,
and I can fight.
A fact you'll learn
some fateful night. Nice!

So, I warn you,
lousy mutt,
you come near me,
I'll kick your butt!

GREAT JOB!!! I enjoyed it a lot.

I feel bad because I'm technically a stalker (my stalkee knows who I am though) and this poem is serious, but funny. I loved the last stanza. The first one is worded weirdly (but that could be just me) but good job for a first poem! Ah I remember my first poem, and this one is a lot better than that one.

i like it short simple phrases with a good meaning! lol