Only You

My friend wrote this and asked me to post it so, here it is.

I was looking for a friend and not just anyone would do,
When my eyes stopped searching i was looking at you.
We would look at the moon and the stars go bye,
But most of all we would look into each other’s eyes.
We were always together
Through our ups and our downs.
We always lent a hand when no one else was around.
I could trust in you and you could trust in me
That no matter what happened we would always be.
As time passed on the trials grew on, always more difficult than the last.
Now we are severed.
Cut into two but there is still one hope.
My hand is there waiting for yours to pull ourselves together
And be happy once more.

Well, I'm not much of a poet (or perhaps not even one), but I thought this was cute and your friend sounds very sweet.

I'm not so sure what the rhyme scheme of this was supposed to be like or if there even if one, but I felt that some of that element was lost through the poem (if it existed to begin with).

That sounded like a happy friendship, however.

Tell your friend to keep writing for me because I honestly enjoyed reading that =)

This is really cool! I enjoyed reading it. It makes me think of all my good friends and how awesome friendships are.

I was looking for a friend and not just anyone would do,
When my eyes stopped searching i was looking at you. Capatalize i. No texting language!
We would look at the moon and the stars go bye, Comma isn't needed here.
But most of all we would look into each other’s eyes.
We were always together
Through our ups and our downs.
We always lent a hand when no one else was around.
I could trust in you and you could trust in me The rhythm may work out more if you cut the 'in's'
That no matter what happened we would always be.
As time passed on the trials grew on, always more difficult than the last.
Now we are severed.
Cut into two but there is still one hope.
My hand is there waiting for yours to pull ourselves together
And be happy once more.D'awwwww!

This is so sweet! Keep up the good work!

dreamsingray wrote:
I was looking for a friend and not just anyone would do,
When my eyes stopped searching I was looking at you. Capital 'I' over here
We would look at the moon and the stars go bye, By is the word you're looking for here, I think.
But most of all we would look into each other’s eyes.
We were always together
Through our ups and our downs. I think that the second 'our' is a bit repetitive and stop the flow a bit.
We always lent a hand when no one else was around.
I could trust in you and you could trust in me The 'in's in here seems a bit funny and uneeded. I think that the line would do fine without the 'in's
That no matter what happened we would always be. This line flows really well.
As time passed on the trials grew on, always more difficult than the last.
Now we are severed.
Cut into two but there is still one hope. The 'one' kind of disrupts the flow I think. 'but there is still hope' is fine by itself.
My hand is there waiting for yours to pull ourselves together
And be happy once more.

The ending here is really powerful. This piece is really beautiful overall. I think that might've had something to do with flow. Or the story it told. I'm not sure, I just found it really beautiful and touching.

This made me smile! I really loved this and I hope to red more of your work soon. Your friend sounds really nice and this poem was very sweet I loved it ^^. The ending was really compelling and the flow seems really well. Just fix the uncapitalized I in the second line or so and it should be ok, in my opinion. I'm not much of a poet lols. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to keep reading. Best of wishes and Happy Writing!!! Hope you receive many helpful reviews and I liked how this went!!! Good lucks.
Soulkana<3

heey
this is a reall sweet poem and I love it.
your friend captured that feeling very well.

Now we are severed.
Cut into two but there is still one hope.
My hand is there waiting for yours to pull ourselves together
And be happy once more.

I especially love that last part. Gives it a good end!
nice work!
qara

I really enjoyed this poem. It was cute, and I think everyone can relate to this. We all have our friends that we wouldn't be able to live without. Here are just some of my suggestions:

I was looking for a friend and not just anyone would do,
When my eyes stopped searching i was looking at you. Love the beginning (:
We would look at the moon and the stars go by, (No "e")
But most of all we would look into each other’s eyes.
We were always together
Through our ups and our downs.
We always lent a hand when no one else was around.
I could trust in you and you could trust in me
And no matter what happened we would always be. (I think it sounds better if "that" is changed to "and")
As time passed on the trials grew on, always more difficult than the last. (The flow is off here. I think this should be broken into two lines.)
Now we are severed.
Cut into two but there is still one hope.
My hand is there waiting for yours to pull ourselves together
And be happy once more. (Great ending!)

Overall, I think this poem was well-written, and I think everyone can take something different from it. Your friend has talent and should make an account on here!

Hay dear! Sorry it took so long for my review, I deeply apologize.

Though I have only slight practice in the poetry world, there are a few things that can be improved.
While it rhymed throughout the entire poem, even if slight variations were necessary to get an exact rhyme, the structure did falter a bit here and there. For example:

I was looking for a friend and not just anyone would do,
When my eyes stopped searching i was looking at you.
We would look at the moon and the stars go bye,
But most of all we would look into each other’s eyes.
We were always together
Through our ups and our downs.
We always lent a hand when no one else was around.
I could trust in you and you could trust in me
That no matter what happened we would always be.

Is a pretty good structure. Really not trip-ups or flaws. (Of course, some grammatical errors, but they've already been listed by other reviewers)

As time passed on the trials grew on, always more difficult than the last.
Now we are severed.
Cut into two but there is still one hope.
My hand is there waiting for yours to pull ourselves together
And be happy once more.

Here is where the structure falters a bit. Try to keep it to a rhythm. Get a beat and read the poem to it. If it starts to trip on the beats, then the structure can do with tweaking.

Overall, however, this was a really nice poem. Great use of creative devices, adorable; a very strong poem. "Short and sweet," as they say. I very much enjoyed it.

If you ever need a review again, just ask. :}

Love & Blessings,
Aushy