True Freedom

Hey guys! This is my first shot at posting on here. This is a short poem I wrote called "True Freedom." Part of it was written a long, long time ago, and the other part was written today. I hope that you like it... please post some reviews and tell me your opinion

TRUE FREEDOM


These desperate walls must hold me back
I feel I’ll never have my chance
No true freedom have I ever known
When I cry tears of sorrow, I must cry alone
And as I gaze through the open window and wish upon a star
I feel my dreams are slowly drifting, lost and ever far
I would dance all day and I would waltz through the star filled night
And all I would need would be nature and its lights
The blades of dew drop covered grass would weave itself onto my feet
The rays of sun would be my jewelry, a shining beauty I would be
The soft, white moon would gently descend and become my evening gown
And the glistening stars above me would be my sparkling crown

I really like this. Was it really your first? Hard to believe. ^^ I loved the imaginary paart of this poem, and I'm eager to hear more from you. Keep writing!

@TamaraGoesRawr
Haha thanks! I usually don't do much poetry, but we're doing a unit on it at school and I figured I would try it out. Love your username by the way, I always say "rawr" to my friends, haha!

Hello!! =D I liked this poem, I think it's really pretty and the words you've used are really descriptive =) The imagry is really great aswell. I can't find anything wrong with it at all. I think this is a really great poem, your a really good writer =D

@GiggleGremlin
Thanks for the review! I have a quick question... I have a Twitter, so I know how following works... is it the same on here? Thanks!

@GiggleGremlin
Oh never mind! I found it right after I posted that, haha.

I enjoyed this poem. It has sorrow, and hope at the same time. It wasn't perfect, but for your first post on here that was pretty good. Keep writing. Also I like cheese.

@dante93 Thanks

@dante93
I also like cheese! xD

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you today.

First off, avoid coloured fonts. They're distracting to read and rather unprofessional. Sure, it's awesome, but when posting in the future, please don't

You need to punctuate your poem or else the flow totally runs off into the wild to never be seen again. Avoid periods, except unless needed (like last liners) and stick to mostly commas and semi-colons.

Yours,
Lavvi