Pro's and Con's

I’m not short. (I’m not tall.)
I’m not a fighter. (I’m not a lover.)
I’m not weak. (I’m not strong.)
I’m not good. (I’m not evil.)
I’m not exactly sad. (But I’m not exactly happy.)
I don’t want to live with them. (But I have to.)
I want you. (But you don’t want me.)
I don’t want to be here. (But I am.)
I never asked for this. (I was forced upon it.)
I don’t want to be like I am. (But I am.)

Although this was a little short I did indeed like it. Toward the end it would have been nice to see a brighter more happier line to finish this poem, like a glimpse of light at the end of a dark tunnel. Despite that factor I still thought it was great. putting the verdict in brackets was a bit risky and some people would argue it isn't totally grammatically correct but I actually liked that part of it and I did think it was nice. I liked how the first line was very simple and basic and then how toward the end the lines got deeper and more personal. Overall very good, some parts very a bit to simple but mostly I found it very pleasing and good to read.

I’m not short. (I’m not tall.)
I’m not a fighter. (I’m not a lover.)
I’m not weak. (I’m not strong.)
I’m not good. (I’m not evil.)
I’m not exactly sad. (But I’m not exactly happy.)
I don’t want to live with them. (But I have to.)
I want you. (But you don’t want me.)
I don’t want to be here. (But I am.)
I never asked for this. (I was forced upon it.)
I don’t want to be like I am. (But I am.)

It's really good. Sort've how I feel most of the time (except I'm tall.) All that and you barely told us anything. So very vague. But good. Very good.

*Laughs and cackles menacingly*

I don't know why I did that, but my brain does not functioning. See? Right there, there is a perfect example. I like it, it's your mask.


-thestorygirl

I don't get what you're trying to get across exactly. The poem wasn't exactly a story, it wasn't a rant or anything. So basically what I'm saying is, what are you trying to tell us? What's the story (or emotions, I suppose) behind the poem? You've told us all of this:

TheHiddenMask wrote:I’m not short. (I’m not tall.)
I’m not a fighter. (I’m not a lover.)
I’m not weak. (I’m not strong.)
I’m not good. (I’m not evil.)
I’m not exactly sad. (But I’m not exactly happy.)
I don’t want to live with them. (But I have to.)
I want you. (But you don’t want me.)
I don’t want to be here. (But I am.)
I never asked for this. (I was forced upon it.)
I don’t want to be like I am. (But I am.)

But then again about a thousand people could fit into that profile. So, I'm not too sure what your poem was trying to get across.

Having said that, I quite like the contradicting thing you've got going there. But the brackets look a bit strange. I would've set it out like this

MiRaCLeS wrote:I'm not short, I'm not tall.
I'm not weak, I'm not strong.

Or something along the lines of that. So, it was a very nice, simple poem. Short and sweet. Also very pleasant to read. But I'm still not too sure what the poem was trying to say.

Wow, I've never seen so many parenthesis in one poem. But it's interesting and different, so you sould keep those. Here's what I noticed...

I’m not short. (I’m not tall.)
I’m not a fighter. (I’m not a lover.)
I’m not weak. (I’m not strong.)
I’m not good. (I’m not evil.)
I’m not exactly sad. (But I’m not exactly happy.) The I'm poem is broken here when it doesn't have to be.
I don’t want to live with them. (But I have to.)
I want you. (But you don’t want me.)
I don’t want to be here. (But I am.) I think you need more worde choices for these responses, so maybe try 'But I have no choice' or something.I never asked for this. (I was forced upon it.) I'm not sure what 'it' is.
I don’t want to be like I am. (But I am.) Would 'But I have to' work better here? It feels overused since the first 'I am' is only a 'but' away from the second

Overall, I think this is a cute poem with some good emotion in it. I think some of the phrases should be changed, but don't necessarily have to be. The repetition in the beginning should probably remain throughout the poem or tone down a little. Great job with this and keep wriring!

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you today.

This was interesting. I liked the last line, how it really tied everything together and added a very wishful sense to the narrator. Like: I'm these things, I don't like it, but I have to accept who I am. That kind of thing. It's really awesome.

The thing that bothered me was this line:

I don’t want to be here. (But I am.)

I thought you could write a little more here, like: But I am standing on the cliff. Or something. Adds a little more...mystery? Suspense? Y'know, hopefully, what I mean.

Yours,
Lavvi