Runaway - Prologue

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Prologue.

Dancing, dancing, dancing...he could hear the piano in his head. One, two, three. Tap. Tap. Tap.

A voice carrying a soft melody broke through the air. Maybe it was his imagination. Or maybe it was Bea. He couldn't hear very well - the wind was in his ears, blocking out all the sound with harsh chaos. The sunlight felt warm on his cheeks; it was dawn, and it wasn't glaring.

The distinct dull thunk of the bell. Three times. It was three in the afternoon. Their hands were joined together. It was like last week, only Cousin Lisa was getting married.

They were jumping off a roof.

"What if this isn't going to work?" The wind whispered in their ears. "What if you fall? What if you die?" He stared down at his feet. They were balanced on top of red tiles; red brick for roof tiles. When he brushed his foot along the surface, it made a harsh sound. He suddenly felt alone.

"Let's fly, Isaac. Let's...fly..."

Her voice sounded distant. Her skin was cold. He could feel the iciness creep up where their hands touched. He didn't want to think about it. He looked at her. Her eyes were closed. She was also trying not think of the consequences, he knew. He just knew.

"Isaac, if we fly...will they still call us insane? Will they?"

A hiss of a word came out through his lips - and then, he forgot what it was. The sun was bright. So bright. He didn't want to leave this world...but flight was such a delicious thought...

So delicious, he could almost taste it.

"Bea..."

"Isaac..."

They glanced at each other. The ground didn't seem so far away now - he could see the certainty in her dark brown eyes. He knew her...he knew his older sister. Didn't he? Of course he trusted her. Their hands grasped at each other more firmly. And then...

...they stepped out, hand in hand, eyes closed to the danger...

The bell rang out again. Four times, he counted.

And then, darkness.
I am the workingman, the inventor, the maker of the world's food and clothes.
I am the audience that witnesses history.
- Carl Sandburg, I am the People, the Mob




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Hey CelticaNoir,
So, I liked your prologue. Haven't read chapter 1 yet, so I have no idea where this is going. No real nit-picks. I might have written things slightly differently, but this is your story.

Her voice sounded distant. Her skin was cold. He could feel the iciness creep up where their hands touched. He didn't want to think about it. He looked at her. Her eyes were closed. She was also trying not think of the consequences, he knew. He just knew.

The "He just knew" seems a little redundant. Only thing is, I get the feeling that Bea and Isaac are lovers. The way they whisper each others' names seems to imply that. Only at the end do you tell us that they are brother and sister. Maybe its my nature to think that tenderness means romance, but you could either clarify by outlining their relationship to begin with, or making their relationship seem more like that of two siblings.
That's all I have for now.
Let me go read chapter 1.
A lie can run around the world before the truth has got its boots on.
- Terry Pratchett

Si non confectus, non recifiat - If it ain't broken, don't fix it.




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Wow, I really enjoyed this prologue. It was short, but not too short, and it left me wondering, and didn't reveal too much bout the setting and characters. Who are these two? Why are they jumping off a roof? Why do "they" call them insane?

I agree with tr3x about the repetition of "he just knew." In fact, I feel like both those sentences are a bit awkward. I would consider rewording them. Instead of "She was also trying not think of the consequences, he knew. He just knew," maybe use "He knew she was trying not to think of the consequences too," or something. There are several ways you could word it, so I would experiment with that a bit.

Overall, a beautifully written prologue. Good work!
~Masquerade
"Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing."
-Meg Chittenden




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Hmmm....what is going on? Good job for a prologue! Can't see any problems at the moment!
http://www.isiseiyr.com
~When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. ~ George Carver

Writing...they claim it is a dangerous occupation... 'they' have no idea!




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Hmmm... well, it was intruiging...

I mean, yeah, I don't know what's going on, but I guess that'll be explained.

This prologue seemed really random... but I sort of liked it... I mean, the thing about it is lots of things don't make sence, and you mention some things, such as "Cousin Lisa's wedding" that make me go "what's that?" honestly, I don't like that aspect very much, but it's a prologue, so it's alloud to be like this... as it's all clarified later.

--
Tabby



Excuse me I have never *lied* about a character I just don't tell the truth
— AceassinOfTheMoon