Pretty Without The 'R'

5 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 26
Silence is golden; she should be rich
Too lame to meet; too unknown to ditch
She’s so outdated, a waste of space
She’s the nerdy girl with blackheads on her face
Clothes and hair right from magazines
She’s another victim of high school teens

She would be seen, or die trying
She hated herself, there was no point in lying
They were her gods, they were perfection
They ignored her, complete rejection
She tried to be seen, make herself heard
But she ended up teased and she ended up hurt


How can you die, without a life?
Put on your gloss, slice with your knife
Lab partners and cheerleading squads
They’ve designers, but you have frauds
Short skirts, high heels, homework overdue
They’re not all that great but they’re better than you

Misery loves company yet she's all alone
She doesn't exist and she sits there unknown
She copied their hair and the way that they talk
She's got it all down, even the walk
Still they don't want her, still she's not right
Still they hurt her on that dark fateful night

They’ve both got the same name
Social climbers want the fame
But they’re all staring at her walk
She’s the subject of locker room talk
They both smile and praise her
But they want to decapitate her
And put it up on their Facebook
With her bleeding and their pouty look

He asked her out, it was like a dream
It was all she could do not to faint, cry or scream
He loved her, she knew it. she'd known all along
He'd read all her poems and heard her love song
She bought a new dress and tamed her bad hair
She stared out the window until he was there

Porcelain skin with Slipknot tees
Skinny jeans with the ripped knees
Metal bands and lips painted red
She’s sarcastic because she’s rejected
Vintage clothes like a horror flick
She’s jaded with a touch of gothic

He took her out to the lake and parked the car
She'd never been kissed, never gone far
She held her breath, braced herself for the kiss
She expected to be loved, she didn't expect this
He tore at her clothes, took her by her hair
Dragged her out of the car, where her gods stood there

They laughed at her while she cried
She was beaten until she died
She wanted to be seen but instead she was hurt
She wanted to be liked but was treated like dirt
She had that insatiable need
But her gods hit her and left her to bleed

The nerdy girl passed away
But her young soul had to stay
She’s still the same lame girl
Stuck somewhere between worlds
There is a lesson she can’t be taught
I guess the afterlife isn’t what she thought

If you find yourself on the outside looking in
When being popular seems like everything
Remember that it's not life-or-death
That you ought to be you when you take your last breath
Be you goth, god, wannabe or nerd
Nobody else can decide if you deserve to be heard
I reject your reality and substitute my own




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6975
Reviews 125
Wow! I absolutely loved this poem! The story was great, well in a sad way of course. It was long, but kept my interest, so great work with that! The rhymning was perfect as well, I think there were only 1 or 2 lines that didn't match up exactly.
Here was one that I noticed:
Metal bands and lips painted red
Shes sarcastic because shes rejected
It works, but it's a stretch. Maybe see if you can find another word to rhymn with either "red" or "rejected".

Also, the flow was off in some parts. That can just be fixed by going over it again and adding or removing some words. It's something that comes with practice. My rythmn used to be awful, but slowly it's improving, I hope (yn). Ahahhaa.

Overall, this was an incredible poem! Keep up the good work :)
I'd like to think I'm creative... instead of just plain weird ;D




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Gender Male
Points 1931
Reviews 72
Stanza 3
Stanza 5

Those stanza were choppy, but they did get the point across. Other than that, powerful story. It may be a tad overdone, but I guess this would be called "a modern retake."

I can't think of much else to say, and for a piece this length, that's quite amazing. I wish people would read the good stuff. A lot of things are ignored, even on review day. :_( . Keep it down! The bad work that is(It would be too overused a phrase said the other way ;))!

--Skis
By nature, all language is flawed.

"Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be achieved by understanding," - Albert Einstein




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Gender Female
Points 1869
Reviews 51
Completely beautiful, i felt the words and the emotion within. my first favorite poem here on YWS.:D
Keep up the good work :D:D
<3 Princess of Neverland <3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 5
Wow, this is great. I love the emotion behind it. What I really liked about this was that the ending wasn't something along the lines of, "She realized she was perfect the way she was," etc. It was sad, but I completely understand this. I'd really like to see this as a story. I'm officially a fan! ;)
We kill the lights and put on a show, it's all a lie, but you'd never know.



No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.
— Epictetus