Through the Eyes of a Werewolf- Ch.3

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Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4

I woke up later that night, when? I wasn't really sure. I felt as if someone was watching me... I instantly shot up in the bed, not remembering where I was. I could feel my hair sticking up in places that it shouldn't have been. The memories of what happened finally hit me... My eyes watered as the memories came back to me, crystal clear. I still didn't even know why they had taken me- I'd lost absolutely every single ounce of hope that I had left. Why was this happening to me? The feeling of being watched brought me back to reality and I looked around, it was too dark to see anything. I finally hopped up, my legs stiff with fear. I ran over to the window, the only source of light that I could see from here. I instantly regretted it as I remembered that the lamp had been right by my head; looks like I wasn't thinking too clearly right now. I threw open the thick curtains and the moon's light filled the room.

I slowly turned around, afraid that it could be one of my worst nightmares- A creature that was like the one in "The Grudge" movie. I saw a tall shape in the corner and I felt the blood in my face instantly drain, my stomach clenched, and I felt a scream rising in my throat. My breathing became hard as I inched my way around the room towards the lamp, never for a second did I take my eyes off the figure. Even with the moonlight, it was too dark to make anything out but a dark shape that looked pretty human to me. I felt around on the lamp, looking for a switch. Finding it, I jammed my pointer finger on it. Light flooded the room and I sighed in relief, chuckling a bit. It turned out to be a freaking blanket that was hanging off a hook. I swallowed down the terror and realized that I was shaking a little. After that, I kept my light on the rest of the night until I fell asleep- you can never be too sure.

Bright sunlight filled my vision and a soft humming met my ears. My blurry eyes caught the sight of something walking around my room; the terror from last night woke me up instantly. I practically flew to the other side of the room before I realized that it was Thorn. He had on a white undershirt and grey sweats. He smiled cheerfully at me, showing his perfectly white teeth. Strangely, his canines were pretty long and sharp. I just looked at him blankly and didn’t even bother to smile back. He shrugged and went back to doing whatever he was doing. It seemed like he was maybe searching for something. I stood there, angry and decided to take advantage of this moment. I walked over to the door, basically trapping him in my room.
"Why am I here..." I said carefully. He stopped what he was doing and looked up, realizing the position he was in. He sighed and sat on the bed. He looked at me for a long time; I almost thought he wasn't going to respond when he finally did.
"Because, Kamalia. You are something we need at the moment... You have a lot to learn before you can find out what you're actually here for. The most I can do right now is give you tips or hints. I can barely even do that either," He said, looking at me warily. I looked at him a bit confused and we stayed silent for a while more.
"Like what?" I finally asked, my voice was barely above a whisper.
"Well, for one, you need to think outside of the box. Think of any of those fantasy books you've read and go through each one. Just believe Kamalia, it may sound pretty damn corny now but you’ll get it later. All you can do right now is think and try..."
I wasn't able to ask him anymore questions because while I was still in a thinking trance, he pushed past me and left. What in the WORLD did he mean by that?! I scrunched up my face, thinking hard. I was too much at a thinking block, a mental wall in my mind, that wouldn’t LET me think outside of the box. I sighed angrily and checked to see if the door was unlocked. Surprisingly, it wasn’t. I didn’t think twice before I grabbed my book bag from the drawer and left the room. Venturing around the house, I somehow winded up downstairs. Creeping around on my tippy toes, I searched the rooms. For what, exactly? I wasn't too sure...

My stomach growled loudly although, it sounded more like a snarl. I looked around some more until I made my way to the kitchen. This house didn't look anywhere close to as big as it was on the inside than outside. Standing in the kitchen, I spotted an old-time fridge and opened it. There was a bottle of... milk? Well that's obviously expired , I thought. It had some unidentified growths on the inside of it that I could see. I grabbed hold of its handle and desperately looked around for a trashcan. When I found one, I immediately threw it in and went back to searching. After a while, I'd finally found some edible foods other than meat- A pack of stale pretzels that luckily hadn't expired yet, an untouched loaf of bread that was a little stale too, and crackers. As a drink, I finally settled on drinking the bottle of water in my book bag. As I ate slowly, I pulled out my notebook and began drawing a wolf howling. It wasn't just any wolf though, it was mine. It was a wolf that I'd dream about sometimes, it was huge. He had huge, rippling muscles and thick fur that seemed darker than the darkest shades of black. His eyes were a radiant emerald green, they were inhuman. I got lost into my doodling until I realized the presence of someone else. I looked up to see a boy around my age, watching me intently and with interest. I froze instantly; he had those same bright emerald green eyes as my wolf… Now that was definitely freaky. He smiled gently at me and glanced back down at my drawing. When he looked back up, he had a mysterious look in his eye.
"Don't stop on my account!" He said, a little colder than he probably meant. I couldn't stop staring at his eyes though... I forced myself look away and finally realized he had said something.
"Uh, it’s okay. I was almost done anyway..." I said, my face getting hot. He scoffed and got up from the table.
"Well, I'm Sage. You're Camilla, right?"
"It's Kamalia..." I said quietly. I shoved my stuff in my book bag and half sprinted upstairs. I found my way to the room I was staying in almost instantly and stared out at the forest. It was calling for me like always only this time, more desperately. Too bad I couldn't go to it...
Last edited by cookEmonster on Tue Aug 02, 2011 4:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
To accept life is to accept the fate it comes with- we were born to die.
So why not make the best of what we've been given with the short time we have on earth?
I like to live every day to it's fullest. (: And writing helps me do that...




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Hey! I'm back :)
cookEmonster wrote:I woke up later that night. When? I wasn't really sure. I felt as if someone was watching me... I instantly shot up in the bed, not remembering where I was. I could feel my hair sticking up in places that it shouldn't have been. Maybe there's another way to put it.. The memories of what happened finally hit me... My eyes watered as the memories came back to me, crystal clear. I still didn't even know why they had taken me- I'd lost absolutely every single ounce of hope that I had left. Why was this happening to me? The feeling of being watched brought me back to reality and I looked around, but it was too dark to see anything. I finally hopped up, my legs stiff with fear. I ran over to the window, the only source of light that I could see from here. I instantly regretted it, comma as I remembered that the lamp had been right by my head; looked like I wasn't thinking too clearly right then. Stay in past tense I threw open the thick curtains and the moon's light filled the room.

I slowly turned around, afraid that it could be one of my worst nightmares- A creature that was like the one in "The Grudge" movie. I saw a tall shape in the corner and I felt the blood in my face instantly drained, my stomach clenched, and I felt a scream rising in my throat. You might want to mention that there's something there before saying something about The Grudge. My breathing became hard as I inched my way around the room towards the lamp, never for a second did I take my eyes off the figure. Even with the moonlight, it was too dark to make anything out but a dark shape that looked pretty human to me. I felt around on the lamp, looking for a switch. Finding it, I jammed my pointer finger on it. Light flooded the room and I sighed in relief, chuckling a bit. It turned out to be a freaking blanket that was hanging off a hook. I swallowed down the terror and realized that I was shaking a little. After that, I kept my light on the rest of the night until I fell asleep- you could never be too sure.

Bright sunlight filled my vision and a soft humming met my ears. My blurry eyes caught the sight of something walking around my room; the terror from last night woke me up instantly. I practically flew to the other side of the room before I realized that it was Thorn. He had on a white undershirt and grey sweats. He smiled cheerfully at me, showing his perfectly, comma white teeth. Strangely, his canines were pretty long and sharp. I just looked at him blankly and didn’t even bother to smile back. He shrugged and went back to doing whatever he was doing. It seemed like he was maybe searching for something. I stood there, angry and decided to take advantage of this moment. I walked over to the door, basically trapping him in my room.
"Why am I here..." I said carefully. He stopped what he was doing and looked up, realizing the position he was in. He sighed and sat on the bed. He looked at me for a long time; I almost thought he wasn't going to respond when he finally did.
"Because, Kamalia. You are something we need at the moment... You have a lot to learn before you can find out what you're actually here for. The most I can do right now is give you tips or hints. I can barely even do that either," He said, looking at me warily. I looked at him, comma a bit confused, comma and we stayed silent for a while more.
"Like what?" I finally asked, my voice was barely above a whisper.
"Well, for one, you need to think outside of the box. Think of any of those fantasy books you've read and go through each one. Just believe Kamalia, it may sound pretty damn corny now but you’ll get it later. All you can do right now is think and try..."
I wasn't able to ask him anymore questions because while I was still in a thinking trance, he pushed past me and left. What in the WORLD did he mean by that?! I scrunched up my face, thinking hard. I was too much at a thinking block, a mental wall in my mind, that wouldn’t LET me think outside of the box. I sighed angrily and checked to see if the door was unlocked. Surprisingly, it wasn’t. I didn’t think twice before I grabbed my book bag from the drawer and left the room. Venturing around the house, I somehow winded up downstairs. Creeping around on my tippy toes, I searched the rooms. For what, exactly? I wasn't too sure...

My stomach growled loudly although, it sounded more like a snarl. I looked around some more until I made my way to the kitchen. This house didn't look anywhere close to as big as it was on the inside than outside. Standing in the kitchen, I spotted an old-time fridge and opened it. There was a bottle of... milk? Well that's obviously expired , I thought. It had some unidentified growths on the inside of it that I could see. I grabbed hold of its handle and desperately looked around for a trashcan. When I found one, I immediately threw it in and went back to searching. After a while, I'd finally found some edible foods other than meat- A pack of stale pretzels that luckily hadn't expired yet, an untouched loaf of bread that was a little stale too, and crackers. As a drink, I finally settled on drinking the bottle of water in my book bag. As I ate slowly, I pulled out my notebook and began drawing a wolf howling. It wasn't just any wolf though, it was mine. It was a wolf that I'd dream about sometimes, it was huge. He had huge I'd recommend another word here, like 'strong', rippling muscles and thick fur that seemed darker than the darkest shades of black. His eyes were a radiant emerald green, they were inhuman. I got lost into my doodling until I realized the presence of someone else. I looked up to see a boy around my age, watching me intently and with interest. I froze instantly; he had those same bright emerald green eyes as my wolf… Now that was definitely freaky. He smiled gently at me and glanced back down at my drawing. When he looked back up, he had a mysterious look in his eye.
"Don't stop on my account!" He said, a little colder than he probably meant. I couldn't stop staring at his eyes though... I forced myself look away and finally realized he had said something.
"Uh, it’s okay. I was almost done anyway..." I said, my face getting hot. He scoffed and got up from the table.
"Well, I'm Sage. You're Camilla, right?"
"It's Kamalia..." I said quietly. I shoved my stuff in my book bag and half sprinted upstairs. I found my way to the room I was staying in almost instantly and stared out at the forest. It was calling for me like always only this time, more desperately. Too bad I couldn't go to it...

Alright, overall, the story is coming along pretty well, but I feel you are rushing it a bit. Slow down, take time to situate the reader and describe everything. Other then that, it's looking good. Makes me think of Shiver a lot. Not much mistakes, thank you :)
Keep it up!

-Truth-
.- <3 -.




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Yo, CookE! I'm back! Though apparently I'm going to be reviewing everything out of order for you... c'est triste.

Truth got a lot of your punctuation errors, so I'd recommend following those. And study them too, so you know why there's a comma there or not, etc. Then you won't make the same mistakes again.

Again, the detail impressed me in this. It's so very weird how well you put me into Kamalia's place. It's with the things she points out--the "unidentified growths"--and the naturalness of her thoughts. It's still partially unnerving, and I'm wondering why on Earth you're not getting more reviews. You're doing so many things well.

And I think the reason is that this is written so informally, so casually. There's no pretense about it, not ultra-delicate, craft, sneaking on your part going. It's just Kamalia... talking to us. And while the traditionalist/stickler in me (I'm eating Raisin Bran right now, what can I say?) recoils a little bit at the references to real movies and the capitalized words and, in the other chapter, the asterisks in the cuss words... all of that contributes to this vibe that's sort of, "I was a normal teen. And then I turned into a werewolf."

Usually, when authors go the normal teenage girl route, it's in this sort of "I'm a normal teenage girl, oh pity me, my life is so boring and mundane [and I wish a guy'd come to save me]." That's not what I get here. It's just Kamalia going about her life and transforming into a werewolf and thinking about unidentified growths in the milk. Just like you or I go about your or my day, not lamenting about the lack of a nice, clean plot arc in our lives but just living it.

I'm most definitely rambling now, my apologies. I'm trying to explain what it is that you're doing here that makes it so great. The even better part is that I don't think you realize it. I don't think you intentionally sat down and said, "I'm going to write this informally and naturally and strip overarching plot tension out of it and just focus on making it real." If you did do that, more power to you, but I think you did this because that was just how it occurred to you to write it, yes?

Part of me thinks I shouldn't even be telling you this. If you did this unconsciously, will you be able to do it consciously? I dunno. The safe route is probably to ignore me and what I'm saying and keep writing as you have been, because it's really quite fantastic. Honest word.

But my advice a few rambly paragraphs ago was to embrace the informalness and make it yours, and that's certainly an option. Really throw yourself into Kamalia's perspective and such. Maybe break up some of the larger paragraphs, or maybe not. I dunno what Kamalia would do if she were writing this herself.

I'm officially making no sense, so I'm going to shut up now. Just know that you're doing awesome things and I'm a wee bit jealous. And if you have any questions, you know where to find me.

Rach
I don't fangirl. I fandragon.

Have you thanked a teacher lately? You should. Their bladder control alone is legend.




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Thanks guys! I'll start with the editing now (:
sorry i didnt reply earlier, life got in the way as usual!
To accept life is to accept the fate it comes with- we were born to die.
So why not make the best of what we've been given with the short time we have on earth?
I like to live every day to it's fullest. (: And writing helps me do that...




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1122
Reviews 45
Thanks guys! I'll start with the editing now (:
sorry i didnt reply earlier, life got in the way as usual!
To accept life is to accept the fate it comes with- we were born to die.
So why not make the best of what we've been given with the short time we have on earth?
I like to live every day to it's fullest. (: And writing helps me do that...



When life gives you lemons…take over YWS with fruits and vegetables!!!
— LemonescentAnt