i hold the keys

this is a poem i wrote, please no one copy it, im going to put it with my YA novel that im writing, so please comment and tell me if you like it, and your opinions, i know it kind of long, but i like writing long poems
Why is it i only fall
Yet everytime i do i hear a call
Tellling me to get up to keep going on
But I'am as weak as a newborn faun
i never listend
not even once
i was too absorbed in my own fantasy
to realize what was happening in reality
to tell the truth i didn't realy care
to tell me everything no one would dare
they thought i was a monster
from another world
they left me alone like a ball curled
i didn't understand why
or how they could be so creul
when i was as bright as a shiny jewel
alright maybe that's a lie
i didn't realy actually smile
my tears were so precious they were kept in a vial
it's because i have no emotion
nothing can make me soft not even lotion
i only fooled and tricked
thats what i did
everyone was afraid of what i could do
since i could with a single finger knock them out blue
but my main ability was to fool
one day it'll make me rule
i could make anyone believe what i said
i could make them shread their skin and their head
i am powerful cannot be beated
by my side no one is seated
they say with great power comes responsibility
but i dont care it's my ability
i can do whatever i want
i have my own free will
even though once i belonged to someone who kills
but that was in the past not the present
now i am swift not the slightest bit hesistent
friendship may matter to many
but not to someone who's heart is empty
that's what i am a heartless being
even though that might not be what you're seeing
remember what i said? i can fool the soul
i can make it as dark as dark coal
so don't believe everything i say
i've fooled everyone to this very day
it's what i do to get around
to stay alive my feet ont he ground
i don't know anymore if what i'm saying is even true
who knows what i really do
i admit now i don't realy know my own self
i may have feelings hidden on a shelf
maybe i'm nice and kind, a being everyone loves
or maybe im evil on my hands are cuffs
it doesn't matter at least not anymore
i've shoved my past onto the shore
forget about the humans everything alive
it's so similar like a hive
i'll change this world to the way i please
god isn't real i hold the keys
the world will be how i want it to be
because i am what many may call
the one who'll change the world and make it fall

Why is it i Ionly fall
Yet everytime i Ido i Ihear a call
Tellling me to get up to keep going on
But I'am as weak as a newborn faun
i Inever listend
not even once
i Iwas too absorbed in my own fantasy
to realize what was happening in reality
to tell the truth i Ididn't realy care
to tell me everything no one would dare
they thought i Iwas a monster
from another world
they left me alone like a ball curled
i Ididn't understand why
or how they could be so creul
when i Iwas as bright as a shiny jewel
alright maybe that's a lie
i Ididn't realy actually smile
my tears were so precious they were kept in a vial
it's because i Ihave no emotion
nothing can make me soft not even lotion
i Ionly fooled and tricked
thats what i Idid
everyone was afraid of what i Icould do
since i Icould with a single finger knock them out blue
but my main ability was to fool
one day it'll make me rule
i Icould make anyone believe what i Isaid
i Icould make them shread their skin and their head
i Iam powerful cannot be beated
by my side no one is seated
they say with great power comes responsibility
but i Idont care it's my ability
i Ican do whatever i Iwant
i Ihave my own free will
even though once i Ibelonged to someone who kills
but that was in the past not the present
now i Iam swift not the slightest bit hesistent
friendship may matter to many
but not to someone who's heart is empty
that's what i Iam a heartless being
even though that might not be what you're seeing
remember what i Isaid? i Ican fool the soul
i Ican make it as dark as dark coal
so don't believe everything i Isay
i I've fooled everyone to this very day
it's what i Ido to get around
to stay alive my feet ont he on the ground
i Idon't know anymore if what i I'm saying is even true
who knows what i Ireally do
i Iadmit now i Idon't realy know my own self
i Imay have feelings hidden on a shelf
maybe i I'm nice and kind, a being everyone loves
or maybe im I'mevil on my hands are cuffs
it doesn't matter at least not anymore
i I've shoved my past onto the shore
forget about the humans everything alive
it's so similar like a hive
i I'll change this world to the way i Iplease
god isn't real i Ihold the keys
the world will be how i Iwant it to be
because i Iam what many may call
the one who'll change the world and make it fall

Ok so my main problem is that you need to remember to always capitalize the Is. Other than that this has a very good and interesting plot. I like how it sounded and the descriptions give you a vivid picture which is good. I love this very much and I hope I helped you out. Also I look forward to reading more soon. Good luck and may you get many helpful reviews!!! Happy Writing and Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3

Hi Rose14 and welcome to YWS! First off, let me say this; I don't mean any offense with my review. I am just trying to help you become a better writer. Also, is English your first language? It makes a difference.

Okay, I don't know how much writing experience you have, but here are some tips.
Your poem doesn't have a decernable storyline. All poems, even short ones, tell a story in some way. Your poem seems to just be rambling on about different things in your life. If this is an actual story, you need to work on telling different parts of it, and helping your reader understand what is happening.

As Soulkana already told you, you need to work on punctuation and capitalization.

It seems like you were trying to rhyme in several places. I would not worry about the rhyming until your storyline is solidified.
Oh, and there are a couple of places where you use things that aren't technically words ("beated" etc.)

It seems like you are lashing out at someone in this poem, so I have a suggestion. I know sometimes us poets like to write poems just for ourselves, not really for anybody else to understand. Maybe that is what this poem is? I have done this before, and realised no one else would understand it, and that's fine!

I wish you luck, and hope this helped!

Sage

*is speechless* wow. That was good poetry. By the way, people cant copy work. Its not allowed here. Just saying.

Okay, since Soulkana did a really nice job with most of the grammar, I'm gonna assume that you'll listen to that advice and look at some other stuff besides grammar, which should probably be improved.

Why is it i Ionly fall Do you mean to say 'only I fall' ?
Yet everytime i Ido i Ihear a call
Tellling me to get up to keep going on
But I'am as weak as a newborn faun
i Inever listend
not even once Period here.
i Iwas too absorbed in my own fantasy
to realize what was happening in reality comma
to tell the truth i Ididn't realy care
to tell me everything no one would dare Period here. Consider capatalizing each line.
they thought i Iwas a monster
from another world period.
they left me alone like a ball curled
i Ididn't understand why
or how they could be so creul
when i Iwas as bright as a shiny jewel Period.
alright maybe that's a lie
i Ididn't realy actually smile Period
my tears were so precious they were kept in a vial
it's because i Ihave no emotion Semicolin
nothing can make me soft not even lotion
i Ionly fooled and tricked
thats what i Idid
everyone was afraid of what i Icould do
since i Icould with a single finger knock them out blue
but my main ability was to fool period.
one day it'll make me rule
i Icould make anyone believe what i Isaid
i Icould make them shread their skin and their head
i Iam powerful cannot be beated
by my side no one is seated
they say with great power comes responsibility
but i Idont care it's my ability
i Ican do whatever i Iwant
i Ihave my own free will
even though once i Ibelonged to someone who kills
but that was in the past not the present
now i Iam swift not the slightest bit hesistent
friendship may matter to many
but not to someone who's heart is empty
that's what i Iam a heartless being
even though that might not be what you're seeing
remember what i Isaid? i Ican fool the soul
i Ican make it as dark as dark coal
so don't believe everything i Isay
i I've fooled everyone to this very day
it's what i Ido to get around
to stay alive my feet ont he on the ground
i Idon't know anymore if what i I'm saying is even true
who knows what i Ireally do
i Iadmit now i Idon't realy know my own self
i Imay have feelings hidden on a shelf
maybe i I'm nice and kind, a being everyone loves
or maybe im I'mevil on my hands are cuffs
it doesn't matter at least not anymore
i I've shoved my past onto the shore
forget about the humans everything alive
it's so similar like a hive
i I'll change this world to the way i Iplease
god isn't real i Ihold the keys
the world will be how i Iwant it to be
because i Iam what many may call
the one who'll change the world and make it fall

Um, yeah, this is a really long poem, but all it really needs is to be cleaned up. Grammar needs work, and punctuation, so work on that, and it'll become so much better you'll be surprised. Keep writing!

Hello there.

Why is it i only fall Why is it that, only I fall?
Yet everytime i do i hear a call Yet every time I do, I hear a call.
Tellling me to get up to keep going on Telling me to get up and keep going.
But I'am as weak as a newborn faun But I’m as weak as a newborn faun.
i never listend I never listened
not even once
i was too absorbed in my own fantasy I was too absorbed in my own fantasy
to realize what was happening in reality
to tell the truth i didn't realy care to tell the truth I didn't really care
to tell me everything no one would dare
they thought i was a monster they thought me to be a monster
from another world
they left me alone like a ball curled
i didn't understand why I didn't understand why
or how they could be so creul or how they could be so cruel
when i was as bright as a shiny jewel
alright maybe that's a lie
i didn't realy actually smile I didn't really actually smile
my tears were so precious they were kept in a vial
it's because i have no emotion
nothing can make me soft not even lotion
i only fooled and tricked
thats what i did That’s what I did
everyone was afraid of what i could do
since i could with a single finger knock them out blue
but my main ability was to fool
one day it'll make me rule
i could make anyone believe what i said
i could make them shread their skin and their head I could make them shred their skin and their head
i am powerful cannot be beated I am powerful, cannot be hurt
by my side no one is seated
they say with great power comes responsibility
but i dont care it's my ability but I don’t care it's my ability
i can do whatever i want
i have my own free will
even though once i belonged to someone who kills
but that was in the past not the present
now i am swift not the slightest bit hesistent Now I am swift not the slightest bit hesitant
friendship may matter to many
but not to someone who's heart is empty
that's what i am a heartless being
even though that might not be what you're seeing
remember what i said? i can fool the soul
i can make it as dark as dark coal
so don't believe everything i say
i've fooled everyone to this very day
it's what i do to get around
to stay alive my feet ont he ground To stay alive my feet stays on the ground
i don't know anymore if what i'm saying is even true I don't know any more if what I’m saying is even true
who knows what i really do
i admit now i don't realy know my own self I admit now I don't really know my own self
i may have feelings hidden on a shelf
maybe i'm nice and kind, a being everyone loves Maybe I’m nice and kind, a being everyone loves
or maybe im evil on my hands are cuffs
it doesn't matter at least not anymore
i've shoved my past onto the shore
forget about the humans everything alive
it's so similar like a hive
i'll change this world to the way i please
god isn't real i hold the keys
the world will be how i want it to be
because i am what many may call
the one who'll change the world and make it fall

Everything else is almost pointed out.

I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing. (: