Young Writers Society

I tremble,
When that memory,
Comes knocking,
At the windows of my soul.

That memory,
Of my ancestors;
With pain,
Stuck on their ebony skins.

They scream,
When another lash,
Dances on their glistening body;
Making death a pleasure indeed.

They must say nothing.
As they work,
In the scorching sun.
Their throats parched with thirst.

I whisper to them,
‘’Who brought you sorrow?’’
As my anger boils,
With not one moment pause,
For forgiveness.

They stare blankly at me.
Drained of their dignity and pride;
With their hopes,
Trampled on the ground.

Then, they answer.
Chanting,
‘’The men with the skin of the sun!’’

I'm really amazed by this poem!! The story it tell is very well done. Also the descriptions paint a very good picture in my head so that is a good thing. I really really loved this and can't wait to read more of your works!!! Keep up the good work and may you receive many helpful reviews!!!!! Good luck and Happy Writing!!!
Soulkana<3

Hey there, the name is Upile. I will be reviewing this poem if that's okay with you.
Purple- Sentences I love
Red- error
Orange- if I don't understand.

I tremble,
When that memory,
Comes knocking,
At the windows of my soul.

That memory,
Of my ancestors;
With pain,
Stuck on their ebony skins.

They scream,
When another lash,
Dances on their glistening body;
Making death a pleasure indeed.

They must say nothing.
As they work,
In the scorching sun.
Their throats parched with thirst.

I whisper to them,
‘’Who brought you sorrow?’’
As my anger boils,
With not one moment pause,
For forgiveness.

They stare blankly at me.
Drained of their dignity and pride;
With their hopes,
Trampled on the ground.

Then, they answer.
Chanting,
‘’The men with the skin of the sun!’’

Wow is a very beautiful poem, keeping to four lines per stanza shows such organization. My story entwines with yours and I feel so great whenever I see a poem about slavery because it is where many people came from. Such a beautiful peace. I am totally going to follow you. . I see no flaw in this poem, blank verse is a magical way of putting your message across so good job on that. Keep writing. Great job.
xx Upile xx

I'm going to put a *like* for this poem now. I liked the words you used to construct the lines. It all fits perfectly and paints a vivid picture about how terrifying and deadly slavery is. However, I do wonder how someone can have a memory about their ancestors and talk to them. Is he some sort of time travelling ghost or something?
Also who is "the men with the skin of the sun"? This could just be my lack of knowledge of history or something. But I honestly have no idea who they are. Maybe that could use a little explaining.
But other than that, the poem is brilliant!

Temi wrote:I tremble,
When that memory,
Comes knocking,
At the windows of my soul. This line has a good imagery. I love it.

That memory,
Of my ancestors;
With pain,
Stuck on their ebony skins.

Confusing! I guess you jumbled up over here. You couldn't quite convey what you actually wanted to say. You just gave us hints about ancestors, pain, ebony skin(good imagery) and memories. But the full meaning of the stanza didn't come out.

They scream,
When another lash, There should be no comma after lash. It makes the reader pause at a place where he shouldn't have.
Dances on their glistening body;
Making death a pleasure indeed.

They must say nothing.
As they work, No comma.
In the scorching sun. under the scorching sun.
Their throats parched with thirst.

I whisper to them,
‘’Who brought you sorrow?’’
As my anger boils,
With not one moment pause, with not a moment of pause
For forgiveness.

They stare blankly at me.
Drained of their dignity and pride;
With their hopes,
Trampled on the ground.

Then, they answer.
Chanting,
‘’The men with the skin of the sun!’’

Why did the chant that? Mystery! This is not fair. >.< You need to make the ending a bit more un-mysterious. XD Or, is there a sequel of it which is going to come on here soon?

I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing. (:

WOW!!! It was so beautiful!! I loved it immediately!! I love the way you have expressed the feeling and hatred for the pain of all those people.. It expresses something that comes into my mind everytime I read about the colonizations of my country. It was very beautiful and I indeed liked it very much. The flow was smooth and gentle plus you conveyed your feelings properly.. Good work:)