Young Writers Society


Devil's Playhouse

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 732
Reviews 79
I know a school.
It lurks around the corner.
With capturing beauty on the outside;
That grapples on the souls of men in the inside.

In this school,
Lives a headmistress.
With profound beauty and a heart,
As malicious as an agent of Lucifer.

In this school,
Resides the teachers.
With flawless smiles and hands,
That engraves the language of fear;
Into the hearts of men.

They tell the world;
That they teach.
But I laugh;
At that wretched lie.

Instead,
They thump on the gifts of men;
End the lives of men;
Laugh at the failures of men;
Dust out the chances of men.

I went to that school.
And they sent me,
To the brink of madness.

But I spoke that name.
That name that every knee must bow to;
On heaven and on earth.

That name that every tongue must confess, that;
He is lord.
I uttered the name ‘’Jesus’’

A shrill;
Pierced through the walls,
Of the devil’s playhouse.

Then, then;
I heard nothing.
But the horrendous sound,
Of cracking bones.
Tend your flame. It's what all we've got.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1276
Reviews 378
Good job. This poem of yours has a lot of descriptions which painted a very vivid picture in my head which is good!! There is very deep emotion in this and it makes it very creative and imaginative. I can not find any spelling or grammar errors. at all at this moment. Good luck and may you receive very many and helpful reviews!!! Keep up the good work and Happy Writing!!!!!
Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 827
Reviews 45
Well done. Very good imagery and use of metaphors. I like the feel of this poem and it had a nice rhythm. A little off at times but otherwise great! I do like the theme and the overall air this poem seems to take place in.

It's like a creeping sense of dread crawling up your spine. Well done!

-Greena
I dream by day.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 14289
Reviews 232
Okay, first of all, like the first two reviewers mentioned the imagery and description is very well done. The language and words you choose to make up the lines are also very well chosen. But what I like most is how you compared the school to a devil's playhouse it was very clever and creative. So overall: good job! :)




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 0
Reviews 56
Wow! This was so powerful. It was very lyrical, very beautiful. I loved it.

"Jesus" is indeed the name we must bow to :)

I can't wait to read more of your work!

~H. C. Smith



I'll actually turning 100 soon
— Ari11