The Outcast:C1:I was Normal

TOC: topic79659.html

Prolouge

Spoiler

The murderers,
The rapists,
they all have motives.
Are they insane?
Maybe,
but maybe not.
What about the kid in the corner?
Is he?
He has feelings.
This is his story.

---------
C1: I was Normal
--------
Me, a long time a go,
_I was normal
_once.

Yearning now to back in the past,
_when I wasn't doomed to failure
_when logic seemed cool
_being shy was cute
_I was innocent
_now I'm just as innocent as a politician.

Life seemed easy.

It consisted of hiding under a table,
_avoiding all social contact
_then crying as loud as possible when they tried to pry me out.

Fine things seem,
_for the most part Im happy
_on the surface
_nobody ever tries to go deeper.

Ever.

So,
_this is where I reside.

Under a blanket of pain,
_slowly pulling myself deeper
_surrounding myself with knowledge to isolate myself
_a protecive shield when you know how things will end.

Confounding riddles,
_here I go again
_I could express myself differently
_or at least I wish I could
_but this is the only way I know how.

Killing myself slowly,
_kind words can't take me back
_nobody cares about me anyways
_they call me weird.

Strange,
_a loser
_weak
_a failure
_when I joke, they laugh
_at me
_no matter what
_I or they
_say
_things will never change.
-----------------------------------
Hey, tell me if you notice anything, it's kind of an "Easter Egg." No "pun" intended with the coming Easter.

--Skis

EDIT: I just added under-dashes to supplement the truncating of white-space. (The under-dashes represent spacing that I can't represent with actual spaces on a webpage) The spacing is very important to that "Easter Egg." Hint hint.

You dont give yourself much credit. That was awesome. I know i should criticize, but for me, it was brilliant. The emotion was strong vespecially the image of being pried from security. That was nice. The entire poem gave a feeling of anxious depression. This is reaaly nice, knight. It made me wanna just run up to you take your face iny hands and stare at you and tell you that peple do ncare, you have a friend. At least me, probably others. it was great. (excuse my typos)

Everything Vee said explained it all. The poem had epic imagery, and beautiful rhythm. I loved it, the best thing I've reviewed since my own poems, really I am having writers block, I think. Anyway, no offense. Your awesome. Keep writing. Peace love and I think you know how the rest of my logo goes. I'm rambling, too much kool aid.

I loved it. You judge yourself too harshly. It was beautifully written, emotional and powerful. Keep posting

Hey Shadow!
Thanks for the review request, sorry it took so long. I've been dealing with a bunch of crummy tests lately. :/ But here I am!

Grammer:

Yearning now to back in the past,

Umm.... I don't know... This line just needs fixing....

Fine things seem

Yeah, that needs to be changed too. Maybe, Things seem fine, but fine things seem makes it sound like you are referring to fine objects and then don't tell us what they seem like....

Suggestions:

_now I'm just as innocent as a politician.

I just don't like the flow with this. I don't know if you are shooting for a real poem in all respects, but if so, I think this throws off the flow. Too many words.

_then crying as loud as possible when they tried to pry me out.

I believe this should be split up. To look like this:
_then crying as loud as possible
when they tried to pry me out.

Your choice I guess....

Likes:

Hmm I think this was my favorite part.

Confounding riddles,
_here I go again
_I could express myself differently
_or at least I wish I could
_but this is the only way I know how.

I also like the idea of what your doing. It is fairly original, out of the norm. It is cool.

Overall: I didn't really find many problems with it, I like it for what it is. I feel a little confused though, and that could be fixed in the next umm... Chapters? So I don't think that is really too big of a problem. Anyways, congratz, and keep writing. I know I didn't write a lot, but honestly, there wasn't much to edit or correct. It was good!

~HostofHorus

I loved this =)
I found the easter egg, but I don't actually have any criticism to give you, so this is a semi-pointless review. I just wanted to say I found the easter egg, even if that was unhelpful...