Still and Forever

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And the eagles still cry
And fly so high;
And the lovebirds still sing
As they together take wing;
And the jaybirds still fight,
But just out of sight.

And the rabbit still dances
With melodious stances;
And the squirrel still scurries
To escape Winter's flurries;
And the fox is still slinky
And his eyes are still inky.

And the mountain still stands,
So majestically grand;
And the river still flows
While at nighttime it glows;
And the rain still falls,
A consolation for all.

And here I remain
In natures sweet refrain;
And the sound of the cacophony
Blends to one great symphony;
And I submerge myself in sound,
Savoring the peace I've found.
Last edited by Sassykat on Fri Apr 22, 2011 1:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.




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"And the lovebirds still sing As they together take wing;" I would make this two lines right after the sing so Its not the only long line in the whole poem. It also will keep the flow better. I can not see any spelling errors or grammar mistakes so that is all the critique I can offer. So onwards, I really loved this and the descriptions are beautiful. Keep up the good work and may you get many wonderful and helpful reviews. Good luck and I shall keep an eye out for more of your works!!! Happy Writing!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.




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Hi! I love your poem - very descriptive and very well written! Here's a nitpick:
Sassykat wrote:And the eagles still cry
And fly so high;
And the lovebirds still sing As they together take wing;
And the jaybirds still (take, instead of still) fight,
But just out of sight.

Beautiful stanza below:)
And the rabbit still dances
With melodious stances;
And the squirrel still scurries
To escape Winter's flurries;
And the fox is still slinky
And his eyes are still inky.


(I didn't like this stanza as much -it doens't rhyme as much and breaks up the flow, in my opinion)
And the mountain still stands,
So majestically grand;
And the river still flows
While at nighttime it glows;
And the rain still falls,
A consolation for all.

And here I remain
In natures sweet refrain;
And the sound of the cacophony
Blends to one great symphony;
And I submerge myself in sound,
Savoring the peace I've found.


Lovely poem - you have great talent and some of the decriptions are so chilling. Well done, bravo, and you get a *like* from me!
Thanks,
~ Amelia




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Points 732
Reviews 79
I love this poem! Especially the rhyming. It gave a really powerful effect to the poem. I also love the voice. It was solemn, harmonious, peaceful and it had a hint of solitude in it. It is really rare also to find solitude in writings of todays writers. I also love the poetic diction. It made it easy for the reader to have a vibrant visualization of the theme in the poem. I love your style and you should keep to it. Nice one!
Tend your flame. It's what all we've got.



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