Sometimes (working title) Chapter four

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I honestly can't thank you enough if you've reviewed or read any part of this novel. I'm finally getting into the swing of writing it and I'm actually enjoying writing again. Sorry for the lack of posting recently, but I've had no internet for three weeks - longest three weeks of my life - but I hope this chapter is worth the wait :) Enjoy!


I had applied for my job by accident. It was a long story that involved Cassie, hardly surprising really, and a tray of doughnuts. I hadn’t been planning on working yet, but I couldn’t deny that the money was a bonus.

Grabbing a foam cup from beneath the counter, I set it under one of the metal nozzles protruding from the machine I was standing in front of. I pulled the handle down and watched with a smile as red slush fell from the machine and into the cup. I’d worked in ‘Retro-shack’ since the start of last summer, but I still wasn’t tired of watching the slushie machine chug and wheeze as it filled another cup with its contents. I repeated the process three more times before lining the cups up on the blue and pink surface of the counter.

“That’ll be £4.00,” I said, my gaze directed at the tallest of the four youths standing in front of me. I waited patiently as they counted out change between them before the boy wearing a pair of over sized sunglasses dropped the money into my hand. I smiled. “Thanks, enjoy.”

They all muttered various thanks as they picked up their drinks and headed for a booth in the corner.

‘Retro shack’ was legendary in the small town where I lived. It’s always filled with people of all ages, but it’s age range is usually between fourteen and twenty on a typical Saturday afternoon.

Having no-one else to serve for a moment, I let my eyes wander around the rectangular building. The rock song on the radio was background noise to the chatter that seemed to be coming from every corner of the room. There was a group of girls giggling over by the window and a couple of lads watching them from a bench by the door. Cheers could be heard from the pool table and I looked over to see a guy in sweats fist pumping the air, his opponent looking less than happy. I shook my head just as I felt someone touch my shoulder. I spun around to see a familiar face.

“Wearing your ‘Haunted Vegas’ tee again then?”

I looked down to see the blue fabric of my top showing from beneath the bright pink apron I was wearing. ‘Retro shack’ doesn’t have uniforms except the apron, so employees can wear their own clothes. A big plus to the job, as well as free slushies whenever we want.

“Yeah. I like it.”

“Have you even washed it yet?” Leanne leaned in closer and pretended to sniff my arm pit. “I think it’s starting to smell.”

I swatted at her with my hand but she took a step back and I missed.

“Not going to hit the boss now are we?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re only the boss on Saturdays. You’re supervisor the rest of the week.”

“Minor detail, sis.” She waved a hand at me and the bangles on her arm clanged against each other. “Seriously though, you seem to wear that top non-stop.”

I shrugged. “So? You always wear that skull necklace.”

Leanne’s hand moved to her neck where she began fingering the thick silver chain. “I like it.”

“Yeah and I like the top.” I filled a cup half full with slushie and downed the lot. My brain immediately protested and my teeth ached at the cold sensation. “I’ll wash it tonight,” I added pointedly, noticing that Leanne was still staring at me.

“Good. We can’t have the customers complaining that the staff smell.” She nodded her head towards the door and I looked over to see another gang of teens approaching the counter.

“Ha-ha,” I said dryly just as the two guys in front reached the counter. “Hey there. How can I help?”

The next couple of hours passed slowly, even though I was rushed off my feet. Retro shack may only serve slushies, smoothies and various other soft drinks, but the demand for refreshments didn’t seem to let up at all. I wiped my hands on my apron, ridding them of excess smoothie, just as I noticed Aiden entering the shack. He was wearing a green t-shirt with the familiar ’Haunted Vegas’ logo etched across the front and a pair of black skinny jeans. We hadn’t spoken since English class on Tuesday and even then we hadn’t really had time to get to know each other; Mr Lloyd had handed us a stack of work to do in silence.
I stepped behind the till and smiled.

“Hey. How can I help?”

Aiden’s head snapped up from the screen of his phone when he heard my voice. “Hi Harriet. I didn’t realise you worked here.”

I nodded and my fringe fell out of the clip I’d forced it back with and into my eyes. I swept it back quickly. I really do need a hair cut. “Yeah, been working here a good six months now.”

He put his phone in his pocket and smiled. “Cool. This place always seems so lively.”

“I haven’t stopped today. Can I get you anything?”

“Strawberry smoothie please.”

I nodded and set to work on preparing his order. The fruit had already been chopped up this morning so all that was left to do was chuck it in the blender. The machine whirred as it mashed the contents to a pulp and I tipped the resulting pink liquid into a tall plastic cup.

“£1.50,” I announced as I set the smoothie in front of Aiden.

“Make that £1.00.”

I turned around to see Leanne standing behind me again. She was smiling at Aiden.

I frowned and lowered my voice. “Since when are you allowed to give random people discount?”

“Since I’m manager for the day.” Her smile was smug and she knew it. “That’s a quid, Aiden.”

Aiden smiled back at her and slid a pound towards me. I dropped it into the till, annoyed at Leanne. He probably thinks I don’t know the prices even though I told him I’ve been working here six months.

I said bye to Aiden before turning back to Leanne. She was still smiling smugly.

“What?”

I folded my arms over my apron. “Since when do you know Aiden?”

“You know him too?” Her hazel eyes flickered in the direction he’d disappeared into before she looked back at me.

I nodded. “He’s in my English class at college.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“So how do you know him?”

Leanne leaned back against the counter and chewed on her thumb nail for a second. “You know I said we’d found a bassist?”

I thought back to Tuesday night, when she’d told me about her gig. I nodded.

“Well, you just met him.”

***

I turned the radio up in an attempt to drown out Cassie’s laughter but it didn’t work for long. She was next to me in a second, a manicured nail jabbing at the volume button. I pushed her away and she retreated back to her wicker chair on the other side of the lounge. I picked up my History book that she’d knocked to the floor and sighed.

“I don’t see how it’s so funny.”

“So does your sister know she has a pervert in her band?” she asked.

“Cassie, he’s not a pervert.”

She twirled her pink pen in her hand and shrugged. “Fine. But still, isn’t it a bit weird?”

I sat up in my place on the sofa and propped my textbook up against the arm of the seat. I’d invited Cassie over to study but for some reason she seemed to want to do anything but.

“Weird how?” I asked.

“You know, your desk buddy being the bassist in your sister’s band.”

I shrugged.

Cassie nibbled on her pen lid for a second and I almost believed that I’d be allowed to study for a brief moment.

“I bet he’ll be over your house all the time,” she said, now pointing her pen at me.

I nodded. “Yeah, I suppose. The rest of the band practically live here sometimes.”


Sundays are Cassie and I’s chill out days, but today she seemed to want to talk about anything and everything all at once. No sooner had she stopped talking about Aiden, she’d started up another conversation on something that I didn’t want to talk about. She just wouldn’t seem to drop the whole Brandon subject.

“Will you quit it,” I said, slamming my pen down on my notepad. I’d managed five words since Cassie had last spoken.

“No.”

I sighed. “Why?”

“Well, if you won’t talk to Sonny, then you might as well give Brandon a chance,” she said.

I couldn’t help rolling my eyes.

Cassie caught my expression. “I’m serious, H. People might start to talk.”

I leaned over to where the radio was playing some dance song and turned it off. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means people might think you don’t date guys anymore,” she said, a sombre expression on her fake-tanned face.
She was wearing way too much blusher today.

“You mean they’ll think I’m suddenly a lesbian?”

Cassie shrugged and I set my papers next to my text book.

“Because I’m single?” I asked, trying not to sound too incredulous.

“Because you’re heart broken and you’ve given up on men,” she replied. “To be honest, H, I don’t really want everyone thinking you’re a lesbian. They might start thinking I am too and then where does that leave me when Mike Finnegan finally comes to his senses and dumps Lara? He won’t even think about me.”

The cushion hit her with a thump.

“Ouch!”

“That’s for talking crap,” I said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Cassie blew out her cheeks. “I was just saying.”

“Well I think you should just shut up,” I said. “We’ve got a History paper to write.”

***

I came home from college on Monday evening to a huge commotion going on in the living room. I kicked off my shoes, ignoring the muddy foot print that one of my boots left on the wall, and headed towards the kitchen. My mum was standing with her back to me, her head buried in the refrigerator. I dropped my bag onto the table with a thud and she whipped around to face me, a startled expression on her face.

“Oh, it’s only you.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, hello to you too, Mum.”

She shook her head, masses of greying hair flying into her face. I’d tried to get her to use hair straighteners last year, but she hadn’t taken my advice. Her hair was crazy at the best of times, but today it was especially wild. “I’ve just had enough.” Her voice was tired sounding.

“What’s up?”

She nodded towards the lounge. “Your father’s trying to talk some sense into your sister but she won’t listen.” She clicked her tongue. “It’s like talking to a brick wall with that girl.”

I headed to the sink and fetched a mug from the draining board. I filled it with water and downed it all. The cold sensation in my throat hurt, but I welcomed the feeling. Anything that would take my mind off of the tense sensation in my gut. I opened my mouth to speak but Mum beat me to it.

“I don’t understand why she couldn’t have just listened for once. We told her to wait a couple of weeks, but she just had to defy us yet again.”

The fist like feeling in my stomach grew as I heard my dad shouting a curse word in the lounge. She didn’t.

Mum had been staring at my expression. She nodded. “She did.” She turned back to the fridge and began rustling about in it noisily. “Honestly, Harriet. I give up with her.”

I picked up my bag without a sound and tip-toed out of the kitchen. I held my breath as I passed the door to the living room before bolting up the stairs. The feeling in my stomach was still there as I shut my bedroom door and fell onto my bed with a sigh. The springs creaked as I turned onto my stomach. Why couldn’t she just wait? Mum and Dad had made it quite obvious that she was only allowed to get her tattoo done when she’d showed them the final design. My parents aren’t pushy or overbearing, but they know that something as permanent as a tattoo shouldn’t be rushed.

I ran my hands through my hair and let out a long breath. The shouting had stopped and I could hear footsteps on the stairs. The floorboard outside my bedroom sounded and seconds later the door to Leanne’s bedroom slammed shut. I closed my eyes and if I hadn’t been wearing make-up, I would have rubbed them in frustration.

After waiting ten minutes, I made the quick trip to Leanne’s room. I knocked and when no-one answered, I opened the door anyway. My eyes fell upon clothes and shoes strewn across the cream carpet before I found Leanne lounging on her bed. Her dyed red hair was chucked back into a messy braid and she looked like she’d been crying; her eyes were swollen and her black eyeliner was smudged. I caught the small smile she sent me just before my gaze travelled to the magazine she was flicking through and then the bandage on her right wrist. All the hope I’d been holding onto disappeared.

“I didn’t know you were home.” Her voice was hoarse and I guessed it was from all the shouting she’d just been doing.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of the white wrap around bandage. “I arrived just in time to hear the big finale.”

Leanne rolled her eyes. “Dad’s so overdramatic.”

“Leanne, you got your tattoo done behind their backs! What did you expect him to do? Give you a pat on the back?”

“Harri.”

“No. This is serious,” I said.

She sat up. “I’m legally of age. I have been for a year.”

“So?” I replied, finally stepping into her room. “They asked you to do one thing. Wait.”

“I know, okay.” She rubbed at the skin under her eyes and grimaced at the smeared make-up on her fingers. “I messed up, once again. It didn’t seem like such a bad idea at the time. Me and Sonny were passing the tattoo parlour when he said how awesome it would be to just go in and get it done. I had the design in my bag and I guess I just didn’t think, alright. I never think.”

I sighed and sank onto the bed next to her. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t always mess up.”

She chucked dryly. “Most of the time then.”

We sat in silence for a moment and I tried to tune out the sounds of my dad complaining downstairs by letting my eyes wander around Leanne’s room. The bright purple walls were layered with posters and gig tickets. My walls were pale blue and bare, except for the lone ‘Haunted Vegas’ poster that Leanne had let me have. I smiled.

“Let me have a look then,” I said.

Leanne’s face lit up at once. “It should have stopped bleeding by now, so you’ll be okay.”

“I can handle the blood,” I said. “It’s the needles I steer clear from.”

I watched as she carefully peeled back the tape holding the white material to her arm before she unwrapped the bandage.

“It’s still a bit sore but my skin should go back to being pale in a few days.”

I winced at the redness of her skin but once I glanced the tattoo, I gasped in awe.

“It’s brilliant,” I said with a grin. “It turned out great.”

Leanne beamed. “I know, right? Tony’s the guy who did Sonny’s tattoo so I knew I was in capable hands. I’m still in shock at how rad it actually is though.” She hovered her hands above the biggest of the three stars etched across her wrist. “I was going to have them all black, but then Sonny said about having the middle one this purple colour.”

“It’s violet.”

She looked up at me with raised eyebrows and I tried not to blush.

“I mean, it looks more violet than purple. Or mauve, or lilac.”

“Sure, I just like the colour,” she said.

I nodded. “It’s nice.”

She took one last look before she covered it back up. “I still can’t believe it’s actually on my skin forever though. It seems like ages ago that I first sketched out the design.”

“I think Dad’s struggling with the forever bit,” I said.

Leanne tutted. “It’s my body.”

“Did you let him look at it?”

“No! He wouldn’t even let me show him.” She shook her head. “I’m sure he thinks I’ve gone and changed the design completely to some kind of skull or snake or something.”

“He’s just in shock. He wasn’t expecting you to get it done for another couple of weeks.”

Leanne scratched her head and gave me a wry smile. “Do you think he’ll ever calm down?”

I smiled. “Just let him simmer for a bit and then I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

'Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?' - MCR artwork.




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Hey there Anna.

Thank you so much for letting me know this was posted. Might help if you gave the link, also. ;)

I am quite awed by how effortless your writing seems. You add details that seem unimportant maybe to you, but help add to the story. Details that make this whole scene ring true.

I couldn't wait to see how you'd deal with the tattoo scene, because I got four done and I know how it goes. You did it flawlessly. :D

One tiny thing I'd like to mention. Well, more like a question. If Leanne works there at the smoothie place, how is it that Cassie got her in? Mistake or is there something you might want to add?

That was it. Brilliant chapter. Great blend of dialogue, action and detail.

Great read, thank you!

Tanya




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Hello there, I'm here for another review! :)

You know how I work, right? ;)
‘Retro shack’ doesn’t have uniforms except the apron, so employees could wear their own clothes.

I’d invited Cassie over to study but for some reason comma, she seemed to want to do anything but exactly that.

I think it sounds better that way...
I winced at the redness of her skin but once I glanced at the tattoo, I gasped in awe.

Another great chapter!
I like how you write chapters that aren't all serious just now, because they give us the time to get to know the characters and the real life of Harriet. It's great. :)

I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter, and I'm happy you are back to YWS! :)

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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I'm here! At laaast!

I'm sorry it's taken me a while to get to this. I'm going on holidays for a week tomorrow, so packing and stuff has been hectic. >.< At least I'm here now though, eh? As always, if you have any questions or comments about this review when it's finished, just let me know. Before I go on to the proper review, I noticed you're using **** to separate scenes now. Scene changes are definitely easier to follow and understand now. It's working really well! It's weird how little things like that can help, but hey, let's not complain.

Speaking of things working well, it's awesome how much of an improvement this chapter is! Not that your others were bad, or anywhere close, of course! I can see that you've taken the advice of reviewers from the other chapters, then used that advice to help you write this. It's worked so amazingly! I think I've said something about your dialogue before--that it's sometimes a bit chunky, but in this chapter, I didn't notice that at all. You've obviously thought about it and made sure that you don't do it, so seriously well done. As always, I'm loving your characters, and the balance of dialogue, action and descriptions is brilliant. :)

The only problem with what I said above is the fact I'm a bit worried this review will be pointless... I'm struggling for critiques! It was hard enough before, but this chapter's made it even harder. xD

The only thing close to a critique I can really come up with is something Tanya's already said anyway... Basically, I want to know more about the first thing you said at the start of this chapter. How did Cassie and some doughnuts get Harri her job? It sounds like a funny story, and I really want to know more. If you're worried about length or something, you don't have to give us the full blown details of how she got her job, but a little insight would be nice. Maybe you're planning on doing this in the next chapter, I don't know, but if not, I definitely think you should at least give us a small idea of the story. For entertainment's sake, really.

Staying on the same kind of note, I think it would be cool if you could go into more details sometimes. This may be me and my obsession with lengthy, detailed things (I mean, duh, have you seen my writing? xD), but in some areas, I think you could get more detailed. For example, when Harri finds out that Aiden is her sister's new bassist. She finds out, then the next scene, well, arrives. After that, it isn't really mentioned again, except for a brief discussion with Cassie. What we don't really find out is how Harri actually feels about Aiden being in her sister's band. Did it shock her? Is she happy because she thinks he's a cool guy? Is she intrigued maybe? We get some idea of her feelings towards Aiden, but that's only through dialogue. I'd like to know her feelings in more detail, so maybe you could show us some of her thoughts some more.

Like I said, this could just be because of my unhealthy liking of long, detailed things, so feel free to ignore the above if you wish. In general though, I would like to see some more details, especially when it comes to Harri's emotions. This is written in third person (no shizz, Sherlock), so expressing a character's emotions is harder than in first person, but I'm most definitely certain you're capable of it. Right now, we are seeing what Harriet's feelings, but we're not really diving into them, if you get what I mean.

Negatives aside, I can't tell you how happy I am with this! I always love it when I can see a writer's taken reviewers's advice, and used it in their writing. With some little tweaks here and there, this could be so awesome, my spleen would explode. :P Not literally... I hope. You get the idea.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.



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