The sun bled through the canopy of the forest. The air was cool and soft, feeling light on Eve’s skin. The breeze was sweet on her lips. Innocent curiosity bloomed in her mind as she explored the unknown regions of an ancient garden.
As she made her way through the deep jungle, she plucked exotic flowers from their vines, cautiously taking in their perfumes to discover if their scent was sweet or sour. (Can flowers really smell sour?) There were a hundred different tunes being sung by hidden birds. Fruits of every different shade and size were sprinkled throughout the garden, hanging from trees, swinging from branches, and falling to the ground with readiness to be consumed.
In Eve’s hand, she tightly gripped a spear. The shaft was made of a sleek wood. The spearhead was carved from heavy stone. It was a gift from her husband, Adam. With its sturdy weight, she felt powerful.
In the afternoon, once the cool of the morning had been swept away by the blazing sun, thirst began to itch her throat. After a few moments of searching, Eve conveniently found a small pond nearby.
In the pond’s glass-like surface, she could see her reflection. Eve recognized her wide eyes, round chin, her slender face, delicate nose and curved lips. Leaves and twigs had made a nest of her wild copper hair that tumbled down her shoulders and back. She began to pluck the fragments from it and combed her fingers through the knots.
She cupped her hands and brought the water to her lips and drank. The water was sweet and it raced across her tongue and cooled her burning throat.
This was pretty consistent the whole way through the piece. Try to incorporate emotion and feeling, they are absolutely vital to excellent writing that has personality and evokes strong feelings in the reader. Obviously Eve will have a strong connection to this forest. Describe how the haunting 'hoo-hoo' of a wood pigeon sends chills over her skin, or the silver flicker of fish scales under the pond water's surface and how she feels about this. Maybe even what she feels about Adam, you've only given us a bland statement telling he was her husband. Eve only seems to get material gratification from mentioning him, with the spear etc. You've got the bones of the description and narrative here, now time to give it flesh and skin, a face and a personality. Make your writing blow me away. 
Suddenly, the faint shadow rushed away from her sight and Eve could hear footfalls trail away. Curiosity blossomed in her mind again and she chased after the noise. Eve hurried through the jungle with her spear. She took powerful strides with her long legs. Her hair flew behind her as she sped through the trees.
As Eve fled deeper into the jungle, the trees grew closer together and less sunlight filtered through the canopy. She veered right and left, dodging trees and bushes. Her breath burst through her lips with quick rhythm. The wind was no longer sweet, but musty with age. She could taste it on her tongue as she sprinted through the woods.
The tree’s branches forked through the sky. The wind made the leaves of the tree sway chaotically. Small fruits could be seen in the tree, yet, there were none on the ground. Eve immediately understood where she was.
In fury, Eve bounded forward across the meadow to the man. She reached out, tore the fruit from his fingers and tossed it to the ground.
The man turned to face her and Eve gasped. His eyes burned through her with radiance more glorious than a billion suns. They were sharp and hot, like that of a serpent. The stranger’s face could have been chiselled from the smoothest stone. His carved chin and jaw was perfectly square. His sharp cheekbones framed his masterpiece eyes. A wide, tall forehead and sturdy brow completed his glorious face. His unblemished, milky skin was crafted flawlessly over his strapping bones and the meaty slabs of his striking, concrete muscles. The man’s blonde hair fell in glossy, curling locks down his back like liquid sunlight. His long burly arms, and square hands, laced with steel muscle, were both godly works and deadly weapons.
But having that much description of a person's appearance is not good writing. Instead you should reveal his magnetic personality through action, dialogue, movement etc... the list goes on.) I think that when you describe Lucifer, you could possibly change his image a bit. Snakes have sexual connotations, so Lucifer would be so much more intimidating as a sexy, dark, magnetic and animalistic individual. Again you must be careful that if you are going to use such a description that you show it through methods other than banging it in one big paragraph on the page. For example, if I was wanting to describe Lucifer, you could describe his animalistic movements such as slinked, coiled, slithered etc. These hint towards snakelike movments. Snakes also tend to be slender yet powerful creatures, and this contrasts your description of Lucifer as a burly, muscle packed beast. That seems more bear-like to me.The man was magnificent. Eve was strangely attracted to him.
When he spoke, his voice did not match his beautiful, flawless lips, for his voice was like a dragon’s.
The serpent uttered one word that struck sheer horror in her heart as the ravaging fever burned mercilessly. Itsvoice was as a dragon’s,its eyes blazed like cinders from hell. “Sinner.”
Italicize 'sinner' to get the full impact.
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