Freshly Fallen: Ch.1 'His Wish'

Renn · 2011-04-17T01:33:45Z

Yes, this is long. Yes, I haven't expanded on the main character. I aimed to keep her sort of an enigma for the meantime while I figured her out myself. x) Thank you guys for getting me featured! "How can you do this?" I cried into the pearl gates. Lips spewing blasphemy, I kept on, daring the One to hear me and listen. "If the humans die than so be it!" My fists clenched, never knowing if I'd be smote where I stood. The others of my kind were gathering in silent sick fascination, gazing at me with dark emotionless eyes. Some had the same views as myself, and despite their vows to stand by me when I brought the issues to the pearl gates, I now stood alone. They were male, all of them, but they knew me as an equal. No amount of their respect made them help me though. As a response, the gates opened. My heart skipped a beat. Would I be meeting the One? The One who supposedly loved us beyond all reason? Reason is my domain, and I knew that beyond reason was chaos. The One was not in chaos. I'd never met the One, our father, but I was so sure that through those harp shaped halls was the One walking toward me. "Listen to me- I am your reason and you know it!" Voice shrill, I felt that the One could hear me. "You created us! We are your joy, you perfected us like you view yourself. Please let us leave the humans behind. Please, let us let them be a burden upon your shoulders no more." Falling to my knees in the wisps of sky and cloud, I pleaded, sending mist swirling away in frightened tendrils with one massive wing beat. The air buzzed and hummed with sparkling energy, my wings stirring up the raw power radiating from behind the gates. With hearing perfected through the ages I could hear footsteps as smooth and even as the thundering of a waterfall or the push-pull of the tides, footsteps echoing from beyond the harp gates. The gates shone as if to impress the being they withheld. Daring a glance at the older ones of my race, I could see something in their eyes that I did not feel, did not comprehend. "You've spoken against our Father," a voice thundered. It was as smooth as the steps, but not holy enough for the One. That voice, which should have stirred the deep rooted memories in my soul, couldn't be the One's. It was a strong voice, deep and rumbling like thunder. "Michael..." I snarled, my lip instantly curling. One hard thrust down of my wings sent me high into the blue. Mist spiraled around the gold, pearl, and fellow divine beings. The gates opened slowly like wings opening to show the vulnerable breast feathers of an owl. Michael's head bore a gold circlet, rested softly upon his dark haired brow. His face was lean and his eyes belonged to a warrior. Despite my anger I dropped into a bow on the clouds, kneeling before the surreal angel. He tilted his head, "Father wants the humans to live. This storm they've caused isn't what He wants. Father's willing to sacrifice us to save them." Nothing in his tone held the anger that mine did, and nothing he said in the One's defense helped tame the fire. "I'd always advised Father against creating the first female angel. Women are unreasonable, conniving, and lesser- it was ridiculous. It's not wonder Aaron hurled himself to Earth to get away from you." The words bit hard into my chest, making it hard to breathe. "Aaron did not fall because of me," I said, voice and upper lip trembling. Tears stung the back of my eyes like angry bees. Michael always did know how to make any angel crumble under his words. One tear slipped from my eye, falling. Before it touched the ground it turned to liquid silver. The sight burned my eyes. Why couldn't I have been made like the others? They cry and they bleed gold, but Father made me lesser, made me bleed and cry silver. It was just another reason- and I am the angel of Reason. In full armor I stood, slender wings defiant. "He made us perfect. We are better than them. I am better than them!" Pride. Pride is an awful thing. Pride is what got the Morningstar- Father's beloved creation- hurled from heaven. The sharpness of their inhales told me that the fellow angels were thinking the same as I- pride is a sin, Morningstar's sin. Michael narrowed his eyes like a hound, "You've sinned. We cannot allow those not pure in soul to remain in heaven." He launched himself on top of me, taking his sword to my agile wings and hacked at them with searing heavenly fire. Eyes streaming with silver tears I saw the others do nothing to come to my aid. He stripped my heavenly armor and hacked at my ebony hair. I thought I'd been screaming, but my harsh croak and dry tongue stuck to my mouth and produced no sound. Naked and exposed in flesh and emotion I was held, Michael's armor gloved hand lifting me into the blue by my neck. Wings dragging on the mist behind me, he walked to the edge of heaven and held me suspended there for a moment. Down far below the blue and green of Earth moved slowly, a 'perfect' place for Father's favorite subjects. My hell. I shrieked and kicked, begging Michael, trying to conjure up my own fiery sword. He looked at me without pity. And that one phrase, one sentence that bore into my heart and soul, would stick with me forever. "This was His wish." And he let me fall.

Renn

Gender

Points 1493

Reviews 82

Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:00 am

Renn says... · Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:00 am

Thank you all so much for your feedback and insights, oh and the compliments are nice too.

Thank you guys!

Quote

freewritersavvy

Gender

Points 3820

Reviews 90

Sat Apr 23, 2011 3:07 pm

freewritersavvy says... · Sat Apr 23, 2011 3:07 pm

Very interesting. I find the way you start off particularly good for a dialogue beginning. This story seems to have had much thought put into it. It is philosophically thought provoking and makes the reader think. The fact the main character is a female does not show up right away making it somewhat of a "WOW" moment when the reader discovers this.
Interesting story idea!
Others have already mentioned the grammar and spelling errors so with that, good luck!

~FW~

http://www.isiseiyr.com
~When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. ~ George Carver

Writing...they claim it is a dangerous occupation... 'they' have no idea!

Quote

beginningtowrite

Gender

Points 1514

Reviews 16

Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:41 pm

beginningtowrite says... · Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:41 pm

This was amazing! I am also aiming to write a story about fallen angels, although mine is different. I love the fact that already this has left me wanting to find out more. I am hoping that in the next couple of chapters you explain the reasoning behind this one though, or perhaps do something like a flashback? Anyway, keep up the great work and I will be sure to keep reading! It would be much appreciated if you could give feedback on mine so far. Once again, amazing start!

Quote

Renn

Gender

Points 1493

Reviews 82

Sun May 01, 2011 3:00 am

Renn says... · Sun May 01, 2011 3:00 am

Thank you!

I write by hand and then usually just write it up on my Mac, which has its' ups and downs when it comes to writing. I'll look it over again.

'Evil exists in all of us Torak. Some fight it. Some feed it. That is how it has always been.'

"There is always a choice," said Torak, and he backed off the cliff.

Quote

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources