Through the Eyes of a Werewolf- Ch.1

Chapter 2

I sat on my bed, bored out of my mind. Reading was an option but I'd just returned all my books to the library. I eyed my laptop but decided I wasn't in the mood for going on Facebook or playing games. I sighed loudly for about the fifth time and flopped back on my bed, staring at my empty ceiling. That's when the perfect thought came to me; a walk through the forest! I hadn't been there for a while. I hopped off my bed and snatched up my book bag from the floor. As I walked downstairs, I took an apple and water bottle from the fridge and shoved them in my bag for later. Satisfied, I left the house. I lived in a small part of town. Our only neighbors were a grumpy old guy who glared at me through his window all the time and two annoying girls that were too loud for my taste. I used to hang out with them when I was in elementary school until they began noticing guys and seemed to change in the time span of a day. I cut around my house and past my backyard. It was convenient to have the woods as your backyard.

It was a short walk to the clearing, only about five to ten minutes. When I got there, I gasped at it's beauty. The sunlight illuminated the whole area, making it look like a postcard picture. In the middle of the clearing sat an ancient oak tree. It's trunk held the battle scars of the many storms it lived through. The tree's leaves were beginning to change colors. Half of them were a bright green while the others were golden with tints of red. I'd found this place about 4 or 5 years ago. My parents had hit a hard time in their relationship and argued mercilessly. One day, I just couldn't take it anymore so I ran away. I stayed at the clearing for about an hour, sobbing my heart out. The tree seemed to comfort me. When I grew strong enough to go back home, I hugged the tree and ran all the way back. It seemed childish now but it felt like the right thing to do then.
I pulled out my notebook and homework from my bookbag. I stared at the two objects, debating. Homework was something I always loathed but knew I should do while writing was always so inviting. I picked writing. I went to working right away, setting out a whole plot. By the time I'd actually started writing it, the sun was beginning to go down. I stretched out my arms and cracked my sore fingers. As I packed away my notebook and pencil case, I heard a lout thud, followed by the crack of a twig. I froze in place, wondering what made the sound. It was just a deer, I told myself repeatedly.

That was until a giant, meaty hand clamped down onto my mouth. My heart stopped beating. I felt paralyzed with fear. Another meaty arm grabbed my waist and lifted me off the ground. I thrashed around as much as possible, trying to kick the person's legs. I frantically clawed at the hands but they had a steel grip on my mouth. Hot tears ran down my cheeks. I was so terrified I couldn't think straight. I punched with all my might in the guy's most sensitive spot. He cried out and let go of me. I landed on my elbow wrong and pain shot up my arm. I bolted towards my bookbag and scooped it up while running. I sprinted through the forest as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going but I didn't care; It had to lead to somewhere. Adreneline coursed through my veins, making me run faster than I ever have before. Something brown flashed by in front of me.
I tried to turn to avoid it but I was going to fast. I tripped over a stick and sprawled across the forest floor. Everything was silent. I sat there for a second in shock then took off again. I didn't even get three steps away before a pair of tan arms wrapped around me. My horridly loud scream pierced the forest, hurting even my ears. The person stuffed a bitter tasting cloth in mouth quickly while pinning my arms and legs to the muddy forest floor. I whimpered loudly. What did they want with me?!

They carried me through the forest for a long, long time. They'd occasionally switch off shifts of who'd carry me. The whole time, I just drained my energy by useless attempts to get away. It was pitch black. Darker than anything I'd seen. The moon wasn't even out. I fought hard to keep my eyes open. I finally couldn't take it any longer and fell asleep.
When I woke up, the two guys were asleep. The sun was just beginning to rise in the horizon so I could barely make out the features of my capturers. Their thick, muscular chests rose up and down in ease, signaling that they were asleep. I glared at them in hatred, I wanted to scream loudly, as loud as I could. The cloth was still tied around my mouth and I realized that I was tied to a tree. I struggled to get out of the ropes they put on me but it was no use. I whimpered and stared at the two men. They both didn't seem anything older than mid-twenties. One had fiery red hair and the other had light brown hair that was spiked up everywhere like he didn't bother to take care of it. The one with fiery red hair had a rigged nose that had obviously been broken some time before, he had very thin lips, and pale skin. The one with crazy brown hair had a short nose that curved up at the end and plump, red lips.

I decided that with the time I have left before they woke up, I'd try to chew through the ropes. I tore at the cloth in my mouth, it was stiff and funky tasting but i kept on chewing. I rubbed it against the bark of the tree in attempts to loosen the knots, it halfway worked. After lots of time struggling with it, I finally got it off of me. I then went to work on the ones that held me to the tree. I somehow managed to get one of my hands free and untied my other hand. This is it, I could be free in a matter of minutes... I could go home! I violently attacked the remaining rope, it reluctantly loosened and I became free. Not even thinking, I lifted my foot to take a step not realizing that there was a string on my ankle taht was attached to the guy with red hair's wrist.

His eyes shot open as his wrist was jerked. He took one look at me and started hurtling himself at me. All his eyes showed was a cold anger and pure hatred. I scrambled to my feet only to have him jerk back the string on my ankle. My feet flew from under me. I hit the ground hard, my elbow began to throb. I cringed as he brought his face close to mine, his ice blue eyes bore into my skull.
"You can stop already," he snarled at me. "Because no matter how fast you run, you can't outrun me." I gulped in fear and felt an uncontrollable sob rise in my throat. You know what the scary part is? That I didn't doubt one thing he'd had said to me right there.

I sat on my bed at home, bored out of my mind. Thinking of things to do, i should be I finally settled on taking a walk through the woods. The forest was always such a calming place, i I loved it. Wether i, Whether I was there to cool off steam or just to be there, I doesn't need to be capitalizes doesn't start a new sentence.t was an amazing place. I didn't know the woods very well, just how to get to a special clearing and back. The birds chirped loudly and the squirells its squirrels jumped throughout the trees, collecting the acorns that they stored just before winter came. I walked steadily through the forest and in a little bit, made it to the clearing. I sat down and took off my bookbag book bag- I always brought it here with me. Maybe in case i I got lost or for other reasons, i I just did. In it was a blanket, my books to read, a notebook, a sketching pad, food and a bottle of water. I also had my Ipod, i Ican't live without my music! I took out the notebook and began writing. The words flowed out of my pen and onto the paper, a story slowly unfolded. I stopped writing when i Iheard some twigs crack loudly, it was probably just some squirells its squirrels.

I didn't think anything of it, until someone came up silently from behind me and covored my mouth with their hand. I was pulled down to the ground, face down. I looked up and saw the feet of someone coming towards me, they grabbed my stuff, shoving it into my bookbag book bag and helped the other person tie my hands. I tried to cry out but no sound came from my mouth, i Iwas too frightened. I struggled against them but they were just too strong. I was thrown over the shoulder of one of the guys as they walked through the forest. Hot tears burned my eyes and my vision became blurry, they tickled my cheeks and i Iwasn't able to push them away. My screams were muffled by a cloth they had put in my mouth so i Ihad no other thing to do. I used up all my energy quickly, I shouldn't have come for a walk today...

I hadn't realized i'd I'd fallen asleep until i Iwoke up, i Ididnt didn't know what time it is or the date,. all i I did know was that it was dark. The moon was high in the sky and i I was tied to tree... The two guys that had kidnapped me were asleep by a small fire they had made. Their chests rose up and down in ease. I glared at them, theyr they're the ones who did this. I could be at home, asleep rather than HERE being KIDNAPPED. I decided that with the time i I have left, i I'd try to chew through the ropes. I got the one in my mouth rather easily because i'd I'd rubbed the back of it against the hard bark of the tree to loosen it. I then went to work on the ones around me. I got one of my hands free by the time the sun started to come up. Using my hand, i Ipulled the rope that connected me to the tree so that the end that he tied was in front of me. I undid that as quickly as i Icould and got up. I lifted my foot to take a step but I hadn't realized they were tied to one of the guy's hand so that if i I moved, he would wake up... His eyes shot open and he started hurtling towards me, angry that I'd almost escaped. I got up on my feet and began to run away when he jerked the rope back. My feet flew out from under me and i Iwas dragged towards him. I cringed away as he brought his face close to mine.
"No matter how fast or far you run, we will always find you. You're ours now," he said. I gulped in fear and started to cry. The scary part is, I didn't doubt one thing he had said to me right then...

Ok I have a few suggestions. One: have someone edit it before you post or use a word processor to find the mistakes. You need to work on your punctuation and spelling. Also you need to capitalize the Is. Also this seemed to go fast and I think you need to slow it down a bit. Give a little background info...like what are his parents like? What did he do before he came to the forest? They could help.

All in all I say this is a good start just work at it a little more and you'll be ok! So with that I say I really liked it and can't wait to see more from you. I'm sorry if this review is harsh; I didn't mean too. ^^ Just pointing things out. So good luck and keep up the good work .This is an interesting story and I want to know more. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!
Soulkana<3

Okay, thanks so much for the suggestions, ill change them.(:

Hello! Happy review day I'm Truth and I shall be your reviewer tonight!

I didn't know the woods very well, I just knew how to get to this one clearing that was there and back

Just be sure to keep in past tense, just a little slip up here.

Any hope I had disappeared as I realized that I was basically the only one who came anywhere near the forest...

Same here.

I decided that with the time I had left before they woke up, I'd try to chew through the ropes.

And here. I'll let you catch the other ones

I had found this place when I was a lot younger and had gotten mad, Mom and Dad were arguing like crazy at the time.

'Mom' and 'Dad' are both names, so they should be capitalized.

I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep until I woke up, comma a while later

To think that if I hadn't come on a walk today, I could be at home, comma asleep in my nice, warm bed with Mom and Dad in the other room.

Just some corrections here...

Instead I was left in the woods and being kidnapped, only god knows what they might do to me

Do you mean 'God' as in The God? Or 'god' as in the gods?

I violently attacked the remaining rope, it reluctantly loosened and I became free.

Not even thinking, I lifted my foot to take a step, comma not realizing that it was tied to one of the guy's wrist.

Alright, this chapter looks nice. It's rather small, but that can be good, since it's a fast read. The thing is that with such a small chapter, you don't get the closeness with the character that you could get with a longer one. Other then that, it's a real mystery why those men took her, it's picking at my curiosity. Something you could do is just describe them, or part of them as you go, so we have a bit of a picture in our minds. On to the next chapter

-Truth-

I love you for writing about werewolves. I really love your style of writingg!!!!
More of things like this pleaseeee
-Wolfie

"I sat on my bed at home, bored out of my mind. Thinking of things to do, I finally settled on taking a walk through the woods. The forest was always such a calming place, I loved it."
I feel like your telling everyone shes bored but not showing emotion or thought process. Like what she was thinking about that made her end up on going to the forest. You also mention that she goes there to cool off? Which usually implies that its a safe haven for her to go away to. You need to explain it like the character.

" I listened to the loud birds singing about whatever birds like to sing about." I wouldn't put the part were it mentions "whatever birds like to sing about" it makes your character seem odd? I would just omit that sentence.


"I didn't think anything of it, until something clamped down on my mouth, not letting me scream. I was pulled off the ground and in response, I thrashed around violently. My kicks were worthless since my feet only met with air. Whoever it was threw me back down onto the ground and held me there, face down. I tried to cry out but no sound came from my mouth, I was too frightened. I looked up and saw the shoes of another person walking towards me, I whimpered in fear. I struggled against them but they were just too strong, they tied my hands behind my back and shoved a cloth in my mouth. Tears blurred my vision as I was thrown over the shoulder of one of them, even though my efforts didn't work too well, I kept on kicking and wiggling in hopes of getting free. My muffled screams weren't to be heard by anyone except "grandfather" tree and the rest of the forest animals. Any hope I had disappeared as I realized that I was basically the only one who comes anywhere near the forest... "

okay, first off i understand that this is a pivotal point in your story and you want it intense. I feel like your saying whats happening and not showing it. I like that she likes to write, it gives her personally. The line "they were just too strong" i would change it. Because what I want to read as a reader is her resisting who ever it is that's taking her. I mean why wasn't she using her hands to scratch and claw her way out? Even if its worthless? Also the "..." at the end is unnecessary. I understand this is intense but the "..." just ruins the atmosphere your trying to create.

They carried me through the forest for who knows how long and occasionally switched me off for walking shifts. The whole time, I just drained my energy by useless attempts to get away. I soon became exhausted and stopped. I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep until I woke up a while later. I looked around, the moon was high in the sky and my kidnappers were asleep by a small, dwindling fire they had made. Their thick, muscular chests rose up and down in ease, signaling that they were asleep. I glared at them in hatred, I wanted to scream loudly, as loud as I could. The cloth was still tied around my mouth and I realized that I was tied to a tree. To think that if I hadn't come on a walk to day, I could be at home and asleep in my nice, warm bed with mom and dad in the other room.

Again SHOW not TELL.

Instead I was left in the woods and being kidnapped, only god knows what they might do to me! I decided that with the time I have left before they woke up, I'd try to chew through the ropes. I tore at the cloth in my mouth, it was stiff and funky tasting but i kept on chewing. I rubbed it against the bark of the tree in attempts to loosen the knots, it halfway worked. After lots of time struggling with it, I finally got it off of me. I then went to work on the ones that held me to the tree. I somehow managed to get one of my hands free and untied my other hand. This is it, I could be free in a matter of minutes... I could go home! I violently attacked the remaining rope, it reluctantly loosened and i became free. Not even thinking, I lifted my foot to take a step not realizing that it was tied to one of the guy's wrist.

I just feel like your giving me a re-run. I can't follow exactly where shes trying to escape from because her thoughts don't flow its kinda random and choppy.

His eyes shot open as his wrist was jerked. He took one look at me and started hurtling at me. I looked into his eyes and all I saw was coldness and anger. I scrambled to my feet only to have him jerk them from under me. I hit the ground hard, pretty sure that I heard a crack. I cringed as he brought his face close to mine, his weird yellowish eyes bore into my skull.

I love this part
"No matter how fast or far you run, we will always find you. You're ours now," he snarled at me. I gulped in fear and felt an uncontrollable sob rise in my throat. You know what the scary part is? That I didn't doubt one thing he had said to me right then...

Again "..." no necessary. Read some other peoples work and see how they write intense sec ens. This needs a little fixing up but over all I loved it.
Keep writing
~Berlyn Rae
p.s. sorry for the harsh comments
p.p.s. read some of Skins work. That will give you an idea.

The only thing i felt was wrong with it was that it seemed sort of childish. It didn't flow very nicely too. (I hope I'm not seeming to harsh) I really enjoyed this piece though. More details and more backround information would be nice too. I'm totally lost because I know nothing about the character so far Well keep writing!

Love it. Its so awesome. Well i'm nine so i like alot of things.