Time.

Spoiler

I don't write poetry.
But I wrote this for class today, and thought that I might as well get something up here.
Reviews and criticism would be nice.

The shortest lifespan
Is not that of the
Fly;
It's the
Second
Who must live so briefly.

Flash by for a moment
(Even shorter, I mean)
An instant (perhaps)
Stepping
Toe to toe with their fate.

They carry
A kiss,
A laugh,
A strike,
A blink,
And that's it.
They’re gone.

60 seconds to a minute
March proudly on -
Dressed in black for
Their own funerals.

Made me slightly sad and can't wait to read more of your works ^^ Good luck with your future works. Happy Writings!!!!!
Soulkana<3

The shortest lifespan
Is not that of the
Fly;
It's the
Second
Who must live so briefly.

Flash by for a moment
(Even shorter, I mean)
An instant (perhaps)
Stepping
Toe to toe with their fate.

They carry
A kiss,
A laugh,
A strike,
A blink,
And that's it.
They’re gone.

60 seconds to a minute
March proudly on -
Dressed in black for
Their own funerals.

I think it was ok. I didn't quite get the message, but I liked it. Nice work.

I read it very quickly at first, and then went to critique it. I didn't quite get its meaning, but after reading it a second time, It came to me. As a matter of fact, I was deeply impressed. All these things you said, is so very true, and it made me quite sad. Unfortunately you can't relive those seconds. There is nothing here that I would improve. I absolutely love it. Beautiful.

I like this very much. All our most precious moments only last a second and even then we can barely remember them and sometimes they are even forgotten. Our laughs with our friends, our fights with enemies, our first kisses with lover, all in a second.

Hey!

This was great I loved it! What a strong way to start your posts here at YWS
I wouldn't change anything about it. Well done, keep it up!

-Jessa

Thank you, everybody, for you kind words!

I like this! It's sad and very true. Sometimes sad but true helps you see the reality, and get over your own stupid pettyness

I loved this, I liked how melancholy it was. It kind of scared me aswell, life goesby so fast and there is so much to experience. I think you captured that very well in your work. The part that really got me was this stanza:

"Flash by for a moment
(Even shorter, I mean)
An instant (perhaps)
Stepping
Toe to toe with their fate."

I loved it, it kind of made me realise how important time is. I love poems that teach you lessons and besides from being beautiful to read this poem really did go the extra mile. Well done!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello there
Poetry isn't really my strong point but what i can say is that the structure was very fitting and slightly scatty which made me nervous. very very good. Welcome to YWS!
Keep it up

The shortest lifespan
Is not that of the fly -
It's the
second,
Who must live so briefly.

Flash by for a moment -Even shorter, I mean -
An instant, perhaps.
Stepping
toe to toe with their fate.

They carry
a kiss,
a laugh,
a strike,
a blink,
and that's it.
They’re gone.

Sixty seconds to a minute
Marching proudly on -
Dressed (Maybe use the word draped instead?) in black for
Their own funerals.

I basically changed a few grammar things to help the flow and rhythm of the poem, because before the lines and format kept me from getting into the poem (even though I thought it was creative and written rather well). Hopefully, this helps the poem more. If you have any questions or anything like that PM me. Happy writing!

Flash by for a moment(Even shorter, I mean) An instant (perhaps) Stepping Toe to toe with their fate.

This line confused me a bit, it took me several times reading through to fully understand, maybe the wording could be changed a bit? It was interesting the way you spoke of the seconds, as if they were...human? Something other than time? I'm not sure how to explain it, but it worked for me, I liked it. I can honestly say I've never thought of the life span of a second before...or the life span of a fly either, for that matter =D.

I must confess: I didn't really get what you meant to say... I'm sure that if if i get it, it would be great... just that.. Probably a bit more clarity would have been good... Don't let my criticism dampen your spirits... Keep writing better stuffs...

I liked this piece, the set up made me think of emily dickinson because she too didnt go for the conventional rhyming and then ending of a stanza. It's a nice set up and a really good idea =]

it's sad, you need to slightly increase the flood of emotions with words...... but i felt it it's very good.
Keep up the good work...:D