No Manual

My day is like someone constantly rewinding a video. Every day is the same thing. Every day has the same schedule with no room for change. I walk past people, their voices, their faces, all but a blur and a buzzing noise in my vision and head. I never remember them. I never talk to them. I just go by to get by. I could sleep walk through the day and still do what I do normally without even once opening my eyes. My life has been like this always. I went through my elementary years, my middle school years, and now my high school years the same. Eyes open for a split in the path, but blinders keep me from changing direction.
Maybe I’m not meant to change. I’ve seen others do it though. Watched them grow up with me. Saw their good little faces, happy little faces, go through the world carefree and then turn spiteful and mean. I watched once strange little people turn into the class clown or the shy but friendly. I watched people grow up to show beauty brightly shining or trying to bloom. I’ve since people break from their shells and show their true selves. And then I’ve seen others crawl into one, fearful of the outside world. I’ve seen the happiest of children fall to deep depressions. I’ve seen many struggle to be noticed, but are cut short below the meter. I’ve seen the self-confident gain low self-esteem.
I see a lot.
But I see no change in me.
Maybe it’s there, hiding. Maybe it’s waiting for the perfect moment to say, “Here I am! You finally found me!” Maybe I’m just a straggler trying to catch up with a brain behind everyone else’s. Others say they see change. But they talk of the outside. But we all change there. I want to know about inside and I’m not talking about puberty. Have I become nicer? Or did I get a little mean? Am I happier or more down in the dumps? Do I seem open or closed up? Do I look down to earth or am I too high up in the clouds?
There’s a lot to know about one person, but you really have to know them to see true change. Maybe that’s my problem. Do I not know anyone as well as I think? Does she or does he truly like me? Do I even like them? Do they consider me a friend or just some other nobody? Would they stick up for me or leave me hanging? Would they support my ideas, my dreams, or wishes or just give a shrug of the shoulder? Do they want me to hang out with them or would they be better off without me? Guess it’s something to think about.
Maybe I need to force change. Do something unexpected like dye my hair or change the way I talk. Maybe I should act differently and do things in another manner. People would notice then, right? Maybe I should talk to that girl over there or even that new guy and make a friend that I wouldn’t doubt any question about. But would people like my change? Or would think I was weird? Would they talk about me or spread nasty rumors? Would they pick on me and call me names in front of the class? Maybe I should see. But what if I regret it?
It’s a hard decision. Maybe I should let my brain go its own speed instead. The chemicals up there will do something sooner or later right? Sometime soon they’ll remove these blinders and I’ll see all the options before me and choose a path to go down. And if I don’t like it I can always turn around and try again right? Or maybe not. What if everyone only recognizes me because my change is how they always saw me? What if they think I’m trying to get attention if I do change? Would people like me anymore if I did?
What about this change to come? Maybe it isn’t as good as I think. Maybe I’ll turn into someone no one likes because I’m annoying or weird or rude. I’ll be avoided like a virus. Guess change isn’t always good then. Maybe I shouldn’t pressure it so and let it do its own work slowly like the others. Stay normal. Stay with the blinders. Keep my life a blur. Keep my life a sleepwalk where the sounds and faces I see are a buzz and another vision to me. Maybe I should just stay like they want me too.
No. What I should do is stop doubting who I am. Stop asking questions on who I am or what I’ll be. I will be who I want. I will turn out what I want to be and won’t give a damn what the others think. Let them talk. Let them make those ugly little faces and let them point the fingers. Let them do their own thing, stay behind with my old shell, and I will keep moving on. But I’ll stop the life I have. I will rip of these blinders and look for once at what I got. What I got on the inside and the out. I will finally gaze upon the world, soak up the sounds it creates when I’m there, see the faces that smile, look, or ignore me as I walk by as who I am and who I’ll be. I will finally look at the paths I have and try them all. I will not doubt them. I will not doubt my future. I will keep walking and walking through the ditches and bumps, curves and bends until I am satisfied. Not someone else. I will control me and me only. I’ll walk through the halls tall and straight like I own the world. And I do. My own that I built from birth and up. I control what will happen in my world. What will become of it and keep its orbit without any others trying to push it another way.
I will be me.
I will be me.
I will be me.
And I won’t let anyone change that.

Hey, I liked read this. It's an internal question we all go through at some point, and I enjoyed how you put it with the rhetorical questions which you then went on to say were best ignored. It was almost like reading an extended poem, blank verse of something similar. I definitely got where you were coming from and think you should keep up the good work!

As it's a review I thought I should point out a few small things to help:

SubzeroDemon wrote:Watched them grow up with me. Watch their good little faces, happy little faces, go through the world carefree and then turn spiteful and mean. I watched once strange little people turn into the class clown or the shy but friendly.

That middle sentence seems to change to present tense from all the others in the past. I would change the "Watch" to "Saw" or something similar.

SubzeroDemon wrote: Do I not know any one as well as I think?

When used in that context, it should be "anyone".

SubzeroDemon wrote:I control what will happen in my world. What will become of it and keep its orbit without any others trying to push it another way.

I found these just quickly scanning through after reading it the first time, hope they help
Well done Subzero!

My day is like someone constantly rewinding a video. Every day is the same thing. Every day has the same schedule with no room for change. I walk past people, their voices, their faces, all but a blur and a buzzing noise in my vision and head. I never remember them. I never talk to them. I just go by to get by((I think you should put a comma, instead of the too many periods here)) I could sleep walk through the day and still do what I do normally without even once opening my eyes. My life has been like this always. I went through my elementary years, my middle school years, and now my high school years (are) the same. Eyes open for a split in the path, but blinders keep me from changing direction.

Maybe I’m not meant to change. I’ve seen others do it though. Watched them grow up with me. Saw their good little faces, happy little faces, go through the world carefree and then turn spiteful and mean. I watched once strange little people turn into the class clown or the shy but friendly. I watched people grow up to show beauty brightly shining or trying to bloom ((Having so many words starting with the letter 'B' distracted me. It made me concentrate on the rhythm, more than the thought.. I’ve since (('Seen' instead of 'since'))people break from their shells and show their true selves. And then I’ve seen others crawl into one, fearful of the outside world. I’ve seen the happiest of children fall to deep depressions. I’ve seen many struggle to be noticed, but are cut short below the meter. I’ve seen the self-confident gain low self-esteem.

I see a lot.

But I see no change in me.

Maybe it’s there, hiding. Maybe it’s waiting for the perfect moment to say, “Here I am! You finally found me!” Maybe I’m just a straggler trying to catch up with a brain behind everyone else’s. Others say they see change. But they talk of the outside. But we all change there. I want to know about inside and I’m not talking about puberty. Have I become nicer? Or did I get a little mean? Am I happier or more down in the dumps? Do I seem open or closed up? Do I look down to earth or am I too high up in the clouds?

There’s a lot to know about one person, but you really have to know them to see true change. Maybe that’s my problem. Do I not know anyone as well as I think? Does she or does he truly like me? Do I even like them? Do they consider me a friend or just some other nobody? Would they stick up for me or leave me hanging? Would they support my ideas, my dreams, or wishes or just give a shrug of the shoulder? Do they want me to hang out with them or would they be better off without me? Guess it’s something to think about.

Maybe I need to force change. Do something unexpected like dye my hair or change the way I talk. Maybe I should act differently and do things in another manner. People would notice then, right? Maybe I should talk to that girl over there or even that new guy and make a friend that I wouldn’t doubt any question about. But would people like my change? Or would think I was weird? Would they talk about me or spread nasty rumors? Would they pick on me and call me names in front of the class? Maybe I should see. But what if I regret it?

It’s a hard decision. Maybe I should let my brain go its own speed instead. The chemicals up there will do something sooner or later right? Sometime soon they’ll remove these blinders and I’ll see all the options before me and choose a path to go down. And if I don’t like it I can always turn around and try again right? Or maybe not. What if everyone only recognizes me because my change is how they always saw me? What if they think I’m trying to get attention if I do change? Would people like me anymore if I did?

What about this change to come? Maybe it isn’t as good as I think. Maybe I’ll turn into someone no one likes because I’m annoying or weird or rude. I’ll be avoided like a virus. Guess change isn’t always good then. Maybe I shouldn’t pressure it so and let it do its own work slowly like the others. Stay normal. Stay with the blinders. Keep my life a blur. Keep my life a sleepwalk where the sounds and faces I see are a buzz and another vision to me. Maybe I should just stay like they want me too.

No. What I should do is stop doubting who I am. Stop asking questions on who I am or what I’ll be. I will be who I want. I will turn out what I want to be and won’t give a damn what the others think. Let them talk. Let them make those ugly little faces and let them point the fingers. Let them do their own thing, stay behind with my old shell, and I will keep moving on. But I’ll stop the life I have. I will rip of these blinders and look for once at what I got. What I got on the inside and the out. I will finally gaze upon the world, soak up the sounds it creates when I’m there, see the faces that smile, look, or ignore me as I walk by as who I am and who I’ll be. I will finally look at the paths I have and try them all. I will not doubt them. I will not doubt my future. I will keep walking and walking through the ditches and bumps, curves and bends until I am satisfied. Not someone else. I will control me and me only. I’ll walk through the halls tall and straight like I own the world. And I do. My own that I built from birth and up. I control what will happen in my world. What will become of it and keep its orbit without any others trying to push it another way.

I will be me.

I will be me.

I will be me.

And I won’t let anyone change that.

Don't make anyone change that, ever! 'Changing' might takes years, but it might take months as well. You shouldn't worry about what people think about you, but what you think about yourself. In fact, if you see that you're over thinking people's opinions about you, then that's something you need to change.
Trust me, it's painful to care too much (or care at all) about what people think. It's exhausting and you end up not caring about your own thoughts. Guess what? That might lead to a very bad result, depriving you from forming an opinion on your own in the first place. I think that would be horrific, because I've been there.
Come on, you're you! Don't care about them. The only thing you need to do beside that is to do the RIGHT thing, the rational thing and what's going to make your conscience feel comfortable. BUT! If you don't do the right thing, while you don't care about others, you'll end up doing big mistakes.

So, just do things right and forget about people. Remember, we were born alone and we'll die that way. When we'll be dead, we'll be judged by God through our OWN acts and not any other. Just do the right things.

Good luck. That was a very good read- emotional and beautiful.

I really enjoyed reading this. It was interesting. Many of us have those moments when we doubt who we are and who we want to be. I'm sure many other teenagers can relate to this story. I especially liked the end when you wrote:

I will be who I want. I will turn out what I want to be and won’t give a damn what the others think. Let them talk. Let them make those ugly little faces and let them point their fingers.

Very inspiring and powerful. Also the bit about "those ugly faces" is actually so true. People scrunch up their faces in the ugliest ways, trying to make you feel bad about yourself, all that makes me want to do is laugh. I mean, I can't take someone seriously when their face is all deranged.
Anyways, awesome story (:
I have some corrections and errors that I found while reading (hopefully I can remember them) :

I watched once strange little people turn into the class clown or the shy but friendly.

This line doesn't really make sense. I'm not too sure what you were trying to say.

I’ve seen the happiest of children fall into deep depressions.

Do I look down to earth or am I too high up in the clouds?

The wording here seems a little strange. I think you should change "look" to "seem".

Maybe I should talk to that girl over there or even that new guy and make a friend that I wouldn’t doubt any question about.

The part in red confused me.

Anyways, loved the piece! Keep writing

Wow. This was a great story! I really liked the progression of thought the character had. You did a wonderful job!