“Christina, Christina, can you hear me?”
Without opening my eyes I mumbled a reply.
“Yes, I hear you.”
The Doctor sighed, “Believe it or not Christina, you’re one of the lucky ones.”
“One of the lucky ones?” I repeated dumbly. This is lucky? I thought.
“Yes my dear, this could have been much, much worse. Whoever it was didn’t have very good aim. You should be grateful for that.” He said in almost cheerful voice. I bet he didn’t he know that I could hear the tension in it. I was good at things like that,
The pain in my left arm was ebbing away now, as the medication was being pumped through the IV in my right. I was ‘one of the lucky ones.’ He’d said. I was alive when my twin wasn’t. Some might call that lucky… but I didn’t. Not when it should have been me. He was aiming at me, not Katrina, me.
Finally opening my eyes, I looked around the completely cold and white hospital room and noticed that the Doctor had left. I didn’t know where my parents were, and I didn’t care. I needed to be alone. In a sense, I would always be alone from now on. I needed to get used to it. Grateful that the room was empty, I let the tears fall down my face at the memory of my identical twin sister. That’s all she would be now… a memory.
Our names were Katrina, and Christina Brown. Or as our friends called us, ‘the two Trina’s’ My twin and I had been identical in every way, at least on the outside that is. We shared the same dark auburn red hair; emerald green eyes… even our skin had the same soft olive tone. But, on the inside we were like day and night. I had always been calm, and level headed, patient… things like that just came naturally to me. Katrina however, she was a different story. She was short tempered, and impulsive. She often did things without thinking. Stupid girl, that’s what got her shot. Why, why did she have to jump in front of me?
Without thinking, I reached behind my head, grabbed my pillow and threw it across the room in frustration and anger. I regretted it immediately thanks to the jolt of pain it sent up my left arm, which reminded me. I hadn’t left the chaos unscathed; I’d been shot as well. Gently I lifted the bandages from my arm, just to see what it looked like. Bad idea… but it looked worse then it felt. Then again my system was completely drugged. I was in no condition to judge what hurt, and what didn’t. Except for the giant whole my sister’s murderer blew through my heart. Forget my arm, my heart hurt like hell. Since I had thrown my pillow across the room, I laid back down flat on the bed and tried to shut my mind up. I closed my eyes and focused on nothing but the beeping rhythm that the machines next to me made, but it was no use. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t shut the awful scene out. I winced as it flooded my brain once again.
My sister and I were leaving the mall. It had been a glorious day of shopping, manicures’, pedicures’, and of course we had scoped out every single good looking guy there was to be found. We were so care free we didn’t even notice the stranger following us in the darkness. By the time we were at our jeep he was right behind us. Neither of us had a clue he was there until…
****
“Turn around, both of you.” His bitter and cold voice hissed.
I glanced at Katrina, who probably thinking it was a joke, laughed as she spun around. I heard her breathe catch in her throat, so I turned around as well. The parking lot was empty. There had to be less than ten cars still there. No one, no one, was outside, except… us. The only lighting we had was the dim street lights above us. So, it was hard to make out anything about the man. But his hair was so blonde that even with the lack of light, it glistened. As did the pistol he had pointed at us.
I dropped my bags in shock. When I did I heard the sound of glass breaking… probably the snow globe I bought for my mom…
“What do you want?” I heard Katrina ask. Her voice as steady as it would have been if she had been talking to me.
“Why, I want you honey doll.” He replied, trying to make his voice sound sultry I guessed. To me it may as well been a rattle snake hissing. My mind racing, the first thing I thought of was money, everybody wanted money… right?
“We’ll give you all the money we have if you’ll leave,” I whispered.
“Aw, but I don’t want money.” He insisted.
Ignoring him I began to reach for my purse… it had happened so quickly… there was a harsh “Don’t move!” And then I heard my sister scream, “Christina, no!”
Two gunshots followed. The first went into my arm. I screamed at the burning pain. But in the next spit second Katrina had jumped in front of me, he fired the next shot. It hit her in the chest.Somehow I was able to process the next few moments, even though I knew my twin was dying in my arms. I could feel the life going out of her. Still, somehow I heard the man curse, and begin to run as the few people left in the mall started running outside.
“Help us, someone please help us!” I kept screaming.
A young man about our age had reached us first. He pulled out his cell and dialed 911. I was aware of the on-lookers, the young man on his phone explaining all he knew. I was even aware of the burning, searing sensation in my arm. But most of all I was aware of Katrina’s pain. I could almost feel it, as if it were my own.
****
“Stop it Christy.” I heard someone say, pulling me out of the horrid memory.
What? I thought. The only person who called me Christy was…
“You’re not going to blame yourself for my death, understand?”
I opened my eyes as quickly as I could al scanned the room.
“Katrina?” I whispered.
I saw nothing but kept looking. Her voice stayed silent for awhile. I was about to give in and close my eyes again but I saw her finally, standing in front of me as transparent as any ghost in any movie. How drugged am I? I thought to myself.
She smiled, “You’re not crazy. I wanted to say good-bye. I love you, you know.”
Drugs or not, dream or not, I didn’t see why I shouldn’t take advantage of the moment… for all I knew this could have been one of those weird twin things we sometimes shared.
“Why did you do it? Why did you jump in front of me? I was the one stupid enough to move. Not you.”
She sighed, “Christy, dear sweet Christy… He would have shot at us either way. I could smell the liquor on him… there was no telling how drunk he was. And besides, did you really think I was going to let my little sister die?”
“Two minutes, that’s all two itty bitty minutes.” I huffed. “It was still stupid. How am I supposed to live without my twin sister?” My voice cracked.
“You have to honey; think about Mom and Dad… they’re going to need you now.”
“They need you too.” I insisted.
“I know, but they have you. And all of you will be fine, I promise.” She said in a soft voice… as if she knew what was ahead.
Her image flickered in front of me.
“I have to go, I love you Christy, always remember that.
“I love you too, Katrina… but please….”
But, by then her image had completely disappeared. “I’m sorry.” I whispered into the empty room.
When she was gone I realized that, moments before I was afraid of her becoming only a memory, a memory that would fade, just as the image of her had faded before my eyes. But, I knew… deep down I knew… I would never let her fade. I was one of the lucky ones after all. I could keep her memory alive. And by doing that, I could keep her alive.
I tried to let that thought comfort me… but somehow… I still managed to cry myself to sleep.
