Procrastinatorism

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Sassykat
Gender Female
Points 367
Reviews 165
Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:12 pm
Sassykat says... · Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:12 pm
Rushing as fast as I can...
But will I be on time?
Will my grade end up in the can,
Or will I make it and be fine?

I worked so hard, to have it lost
would be disastrous, I'm not kidding!
But I will get it in, doubt me not...
My vision of success was far from fitting.
Darn.
Last edited by Sassykat on Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.
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fireheartedkaratepup
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Points 5081
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Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:36 pm
fireheartedkaratepup says... · Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:36 pm
Hahahaha awesome.
Or will I make it and shine?

Ok, cliche. :P That aside, I think you should remove the and--I get what you're trying to do/say/convey, but the and seems a bit unnecessary to me.

"Flitting" should probably be "fleeting."

I'm pretty sure everyone who has been in school at all could relate to this. :P
"Ok, Lolpup. You can be a girl worth fighting for."
--Pengu
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wewinwelose
Gender Female
Points 2594
Reviews 171
Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:22 am
wewinwelose says... · Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:22 am
I think this is a great idea and a good poem, but it could be better.

Rushing as fast as I can...
But will I be on time?
Will my grade end up in the can, You can't really rhyme can with can, I get the double meaning but it sounds too forced and repetitive
Or will I make it and be fine? Again, this rhyme sounds a bit too forced

I worked so hard, to have it lost
would be disastrous, I'm not kidding! This doesn't really flow, it works but not 100%...more like 80%
But I will get it in, doubt me not...
My vision of success was far from fitting.
Darn. I don't much understand the point of this....??
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.~Groucho Marx

I have a passion for all things literary, and I love to review the work of others :). PM me with a link and I'd love to review for you too!
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Yanni1995
Gender Female
Points 1683
Reviews 64
Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:10 am
Yanni1995 says... · Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:10 am
I love it because I can totally relate to it. But, somehow I feel like the rhyme in the first stanza is a little forced and the flow in the second was lost because the words had more syllables than those in the first stanza. This is just my opinion though. I still like it because of what the poem actually means especially to students out there.

Rushing as fast as I can...
But will I be on time?
Will my grade end up in the can, The rhyme is off 'cause you used the same word, granted that they have different meanings.
Or will I make it and be fine? Fine here seems too plain it's as if writing this was rushed.

I worked so hard, to have it lost
would be disastrous, I'm not kidding!
But I will get it in, doubt me not...
My vision of success was far from fitting.
Darn.
- I like this whole stanza although I feel like the flow is off.

Happy writing! :)
Writing is not simply 'telling', it is also 'showing'. ~ Yanni1995
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4 posts


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