Schmetterling

Here's the first poem for the National Poetry thingy going on. I'm not very good at poetry, so I'd really appreciate some reviews to improve my skill

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Flutter away, small Schmetterling,
Over round hills shining with dew,
Hasten to gardens, swift, with grace.

Tiny cute feet, so soft, so fuzzy,
Light touch to petals too pink.
Fly off and far, my Schmetterling.

Kleine kleine Schmetterling,
Roaming the hills of lovely Germany,
Past red-roofed houses in villages small.

Never forgetting this delicate beauty
With wings wispy and coloured too brightly,
'Tis my darling, sweet Schmetterling.



Some translations

Spoiler

Kleine= small
Schmetterling= butterfly

This is pretty cool, the only problem is, the word schmetterling doesn't need a capital letter. Also, I don't think you need to use those crazy words because people will get really confused and think it's a word you just made up. So I advise you to use just butterfly and small. They are just as powerful as the words you picked.
Overall, I found this very detailed and descriptive and when I read it, I got a good feeling. So well done, and keep writing!

Thanks for your input.

The capitalization of Schmetterling is for the poem and its language. Oh, yeah, Schmetterling and Kleine are two words from the German language. Never made 'em up. I chose to use foreign words to add character to the poem.

Lavvi

Good Morning
I enjoyed this although I was not too sure what a Schmetterling was? But after reading the previous review, ping! it is in fact a butterfly Nevertheless reading it without knowing was fun too.
Your poem was sweet, however it didnt really hold me the way I wouldve liked it to. You lead me so wonderfully around Germany but I cant help feeling that my journey wouldve been so much more exciting if my Schmetterling maybe had an air of mischief? For me, poetry is a few short words that should evoke the same feeling you get when you put down a novel. It should make me feel something. Your poem made me feel.. nice.. but you dont necessarily want nice
Otherwise it was good, I loved the structure and the use of German words was FANTASTIC. Youre completely right, it gives it so much character.
Well done