What You Meant To Her

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1130
Reviews 152
Hey!! So this poem has been written by the combined effort of me and Lava ( though she has contributed more). This is for the Poetry pair competition and the dead line is 8th (Yikes!! Tomorrow!!). We would be very grateful to you if you could help us by reviewing and helping us improve...

What You Meant To Her

The sky is a clear blue
And the hills stand tall
The birds chirp a melody
And the wind blows gently.
A faint rush of a waterfall
and the smell of damp earth,
they beckon you to become
one of them beautiful.

Spine curved downwards
with glittering drops on her face;
the monotonous cycle as she works quickly
of smell, see, touch and taste,
oblivious to everything else.

A shawl shields her face;
her children reach to the sun
she caresses their soft green bodies
as she plucks.
Their seductive aroma, emanating.

Hair oiled into a bun
her fingers work in silence
But you can't feel what she does,
but her pain, you know.
One little sympathetic smile
with it you move towards her.
She senses you, she sees you
And a whisper escapes: 'brother'.

She sees you running
through the bushes, surreal.
She moves towards you,
you vanish like a phantom
but that's not what you are.

Memories come back
flashing in her eyes
letting the pain through
what she had kept inside
And the hurt overcame her.

You were a hero
you were her superman
not because you had strength,
you didn't even have speed
niether could you fly but you were the world to her
you were her mentor
you were her brother.

She depended on you
to give her strength,
to wipe her tears,
to ease her pains,
but you left her alone.

You were her wall
when she needed your support.
You encouraged her,
you embraced her
you helped her through high and low.

But now you're gone
and she's still here
when she needs you most.
Follow her dreams, she must;
your subtle influence grips her
and she knows you are there.
A smile sneaks onto her visage,
she turns back to her children.


She feels your presence
an inspiration and comfort
her fingers still plucking
she doesn't look up;
you reside in her heart.


Thanks in advance if you are going to review!! :)
The answers lie within.. You only need to look.. :)




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1167
Reviews 14
It's totally impossible to review any of it. It's beautifull. Perfect.

Goodluck.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 938
Reviews 88
Awesome poem. Really good, congrats ! :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3888
Reviews 763
Harshita deserves the credit. She is pretty awesomely poetic!
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.




The strongest people are not those who show their true strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.
— Unknown