Expirement: Clean Room Blues

Clean Room Blues

i am all alone
I sigh'
clean rooms stink!
i have no hiding places
and it feels like
its someone Else's room not mine
superficial
fake
hotel room
i can't find anything
lost
a place for everything
forsaken
everything is in it's place
drearily clean
more confusing than everything out of it's
nonexistent place
neat tidy
predictable
i guess i am at heart a pig
destined to wallow in mud
I can see my floor
And I hate it

This is an experiment but not the type your thinking of.

i know how you feel this is like what happens in my room

ummm. well, there is no rhythm. or if there is, i have to read it really...oddly. if that's correct grammar, which i doubt...

clean rooms stink!

not very poetic.

its someone Else's room not mine

it's someone else's room, not mine

everything is in it's place
drearily clean
more confusing than everything out of it's
nonexistent place

this is repetitive.

i guess i am at heart a pig

either:
i guess i am, at heart, a pig
OR
i guess at heart i am a pig

either way, "pig" isn't very...suited to this poem. well, i suppose it is but...it's rough.

I can see my floor
And I hate it

this ending isn't very definite or capturing.

just work on it! =/

Many odd pauses, which prevented a clear flow. But a very original topic!

I think it's being overanalyzed. I think it's just a fun sorta silly poem. You can't look deeply into a silly poem. You just can't. Great job though! Seriously made sense to me. My room is never clean and it doesn;t bother me one bit.

it sounds like rant to me, and the flow, if there was ment to be any, kind of put me off. i didnt feel anything whilst reading it unfortunatly, if that was your goal.
but, i read it towards the end. good try, keep up the work.